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[INTP] Help with INTP guy and smoking?

yupyupyup

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I'm actually an INTP myself and I'm looking for advice on my INTP guy friend. He used to be with my best friend who's an ESFJ and he cheated on her while away on vacation. Now they're sort of broken up and he practically is begging her to take him back, but somehow I can tell he's torn about the relationship. He's started smoking weed wayy too much, sometimes a couple times a day and I can tell it's become a problem, there have been instances where he's put it before his relationship. He really is a nice guy, but I used to think he had it all together, and now I'm starting to realize there's a lot of emotional issues there and they seem to be getting worse out of no where. I asked him why he thinks he smokes so much now and he really didn't have an answer for me. He hasn't seemed to give any thought to it at all. Which confuses me so much because he's a really aware and thoughtful person, i mean we're both intps and psychology majors. I've never seen him so avoidant of everything. I don't even know how to approach this issue because he doesn't think there's a problem. I guess what I'm asking is do you know of INTP guys in this situation? Or any input would be great. (But I did tell my friend to officially break it off with him since he's not emotionally healthy right now)
 

ZPowers

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A couple times a day? I assume you mean pot, then? Cause in terms of cigarettes, that's really not that bad.
 

slowriot

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what are your reasons for wanting to discuss this?

Why do you care so much if he's soon to be an ex of your friend? I guess what Im trying to say is why do you want to come involved that much? Cant they work it out themselves?

All I have is that I would tell him to stop smoking because its bad for his mental health and then get out of the situation like that. Its their relationship so they need to work it out themselves.
 

yupyupyup

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he's a good friend of mine also. This isn't so much about their relationship as about him. I was giving like background to maybe give reasoning for his behavior.
 

slowriot

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okay I have nothing more than my edit. Helping anyone thats addicted as he clearly is can be a hard task. If he dont want to get out of it, then theres not much you can do. Either you enable the behavior by "keeping an open mind to it" or you tell him how bad this is for him and that he needs to get out of it.

Thats all I got.

Leave him alone until he gets his head together.

Yes agreed.
 

Shimmy

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If he's really avoiding his relationship problems then the last thing he wants is to be reminded of them. Take him out to do things (other than smoking pot). And whatever you do, don't attack him on his current bad habits, but point out to him you don't like it either.

For me, there's usually two habits I get in to when I'm down like that: drugs and sports. Obviously only one of them can possibly be beneficial, and when I exercise more, I do less drugs.
 

Fan.of.Devin

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There are far less desirable things that he could be self medicating with, so count your blessings for that.

Chances are that he probably does have an answer, he just doesn't want to talk about it.
I think giving him some time and space is a good idea, and also trying to continue normal friend type activities.
 

INTP

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why do you think he has a problem with weed? just because he smokes few times a day? you know when you smoke weed its not like you smoke once and be high all day. when i got much weed i smoke like every 45mins-1.5 hours(thats about the time when i start to notice the effects starting to fade away if im at home and dont have anything to do). i might start it right after i wake up(and sometimes i might still be stoned when i wake up, because usually i smoke if i wake up in the middle of the night) and i stop when i go to sleep, because i get tired but not like sleepy tired but annoying kind of tired if i stop in the middle of the day. and i can do this smoking all day long for a week or so, but usually if i got like 10 grams of good weed it lasts for about week. when i was working i had like 1.5 years when i smoked daily(few times a day), but naturally not right after i woke up because i had to work and every other week i got off from work around 11pm-1am. sounds like a problem? well guess what. i havent smoked weed for 2 weeks and i think it was about 3 weeks when i smoked before that, i never had any problems stopping smoking even if i spend a week totally stoned 24/7. even stopping after that 1.5 year period wasnt a problem, i mean it was bit weird not to smoke before going to bed, but i didnt have any trouble sleeping or had any big urge to get stoned, i wanted to smoke, but it didnt feel like i have to smoke.

you see weed isnt like alcohol, nicotine or addicting stuff like that, you can smoke weed everyday for long periods of time but still not being addicted. of course some people get addicted, but thats because they have addictive personality or they try to fill a void with weed and they dont like when the void isnt filled. maybe he actually doesent have a problem and you are just over reacting or maybe he is trying to fill his empty heart with weed? i dont think its a good idea to do that because weed is a spice for life, not the meal itself and if you use it the wrong way it can backfire in a really nasty way.
 

Shimmy

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why do you think he has a problem with weed? just because he smokes few times a day? you know when you smoke weed its not like you smoke once and be high all day. when i got much weed i smoke like every 45mins-1.5 hours(thats about the time when i start to notice the effects starting to fade away if im at home and dont have anything to do). i might start it right after i wake up(and sometimes i might still be stoned when i wake up, because usually i smoke if i wake up in the middle of the night) and i stop when i go to sleep, because i get tired but not like sleepy tired but annoying kind of tired if i stop in the middle of the day. and i can do this smoking all day long for a week or so, but usually if i got like 10 grams of good weed it lasts for about week. when i was working i had like 1.5 years when i smoked daily(few times a day), but naturally not right after i woke up because i had to work and every other week i got off from work around 11pm-1am. sounds like a problem? well guess what. i havent smoked weed for 2 weeks and i think it was about 3 weeks when i smoked before that, i never had any problems stopping smoking even if i spend a week totally stoned 24/7. even stopping after that 1.5 year period wasnt a problem, i mean it was bit weird not to smoke before going to bed, but i didnt have any trouble sleeping or had any big urge to get stoned, i wanted to smoke, but it didnt feel like i have to smoke.

you see weed isnt like alcohol, nicotine or addicting stuff like that, you can smoke weed everyday for long periods of time but still not being addicted. of course some people get addicted, but thats because they have addictive personality or they try to fill a void with weed and they dont like when the void isnt filled. maybe he actually doesent have a problem and you are just over reacting or maybe he is trying to fill his empty heart with weed? i dont think its a good idea to do that because weed is a spice for life, not the meal itself and if you use it the wrong way it can backfire in a really nasty way.

I must say you sound quite addicted yourself.

In addition to your main point, which is that weed isn't that bad, you haven't given an argument why it's beneficial to smoke weed. Essentially, what I read from your post is: "It's not that bad to smoke weed, as long as you don't use it to forget about your real problems." Which is exactly what the person from the OP sounds like to me.

P.S. Negative things associated with (heavy) cannabis use include inhaling of carcinogens, deteriorated memory (comes back after you stop smoking) and slower brain development if started smoking heavily in adolescence.

I'll be the last to say that cannabis should be illegal, I occasionally enjoy it myself, but much like with alcohol and other drugs, good education is essential and substance dependence or abuse should never be the norm.
 

Fluffywolf

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The fact he doesn't have an answer is probably because he doesn't want to give an answer, as he probably disagrees with his reasoning himself, so he detaches himself from his thoughts by smoking pot and being all self-destructive and all.

Basicly he is failing at life and the only one able to stop him from failing at life is himself. Trying to nudge a self-destructive INTP in the right direction tends to only further distance them unless you're being really hard and confronting about it. Even then, it's pretty much up to himself.

As you can see from this thread, plenty of INTP's indulging in cannabis as if it's the most normal thing in the world. Still, out of all types, it is my opinion that INTP's least benefit from cannabis. It numbs our Ti, and Ti is us. Cowardly behaviour.
 

INTP

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I must say you sound quite addicted yourself.

In addition to your main point, which is that weed isn't that bad, you haven't given an argument why it's beneficial to smoke weed. Essentially, what I read from your post is: "It's not that bad to smoke weed, as long as you don't use it to forget about your real problems." Which is exactly what the person from the OP sounds like to me.

P.S. Negative things associated with (heavy) cannabis use include inhaling of carcinogens, deteriorated memory (comes back after you stop smoking) and slower brain development if started smoking heavily in adolescence.

I'll be the last to say that cannabis should be illegal, I occasionally enjoy it myself, but much like with alcohol and other drugs, good education is essential and substance dependence or abuse should never be the norm.

if im addicted why is it that i dont mind going 2 months without smoking? and why is it that i dont have this weed seeking behavior? i could grow my own weed(got equipment and skills for that), i know where to get some weed and i got money for that, still im not doing that because i just cant be arsed(its just not that big of a deal for me that i would make effort for it). i have bought weed 4 times during this year, rest of the times i have smoked some friend passed a joint to me and i smoked one or two times that day.


diagnosis criteria for cannabis dependence said:
Accordingly, a diagnosis of substance dependence is made if three or more of the following criteria occur at any time in the same 12-month period:

Tolerance, as defined by either or all of the following:
A need for markedly increased amounts of the substance to achieve intoxication or the desired effect
A markedly diminished effect on the user with continued use of the same amount of the substance
Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following:
Characteristic withdrawal symptoms from the substance, such as insomnia, restlessness, loss of appetite, depression, irritability, and anger.[43]
The same or closely related substance is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms
The substance is often taken in larger amounts of over a longer period than was intended
There is a persistent desire to cut back or control substance use, or unsuccessful attempts to do so
Considerable time is spent obtaining the substance
Social, occupational or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of use of the substance
The substance is used despite knowledge of persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problems caused by the substance.

only thing of these that happens to me is that my tolerance might go up just a little bit(but i dont need markedly increased amounts) if i smoke more than just a once a day, but thats because my tolerance goes to zero before starting to smoke since i dont smoke so often..

:doh: isnt it quite obvious that doing things you like is beneficial to you?

did you also read this?

me said:
..or maybe he is trying to fill his empty heart with weed? i dont think its a good idea to do that because weed is a spice for life, not the meal itself and if you use it the wrong way it can backfire in a really nasty way.
 

INTP

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Still, out of all types, it is my opinion that INTP's least benefit from cannabis. It numbs our Ti, and Ti is us. Cowardly behaviour.

weed has made me see that there is more than just Ti, it brings out my Ne and F side. like other psychedelic substances cannabis makes the lower functions easier to use without wasting too much mental energy for them. because some things are something that you just simply cannot solve with Ti and you need Fi for it, its easier to solve those things when you are high because weed gives you another perspectives that you might not have thought of(by reducing the "energy cost" to use lower functions) and you might benefit really much from seeing that other perspective for something that has been bothering you, especially if you are an intp and are only able to solve things with Ti.

i dont think weed numbs my Ti, it just brings me other perspectives outside of Ti and naturally when im looking something outside Ti perspective im not using Ti at that time. i made mensa internet iq test for fun once when i was really stoned and got similar result that i got when i did the test sober. bit weird for a numb Ti?
 

Shimmy

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if im addicted why is it that i dont mind going 2 months without smoking? and why is it that i dont have this weed seeking behavior? i could grow my own weed(got equipment and skills for that), i know where to get some weed and i got money for that, still im not doing that because i just cant be arsed(its just not that big of a deal for me that i would make effort for it). i have bought weed 4 times during this year, rest of the times i have smoked some friend passed a joint to me and i smoked one or two times that day.




only thing of these that happens to me is that my tolerance might go up just a little bit(but i dont need markedly increased amounts) if i smoke more than just a once a day, but thats because my tolerance goes to zero before starting to smoke since i dont smoke so often..

:doh: isnt it quite obvious that doing things you like is beneficial to you?

did you also read this?

Obviously I don't know your situation; how much weed you smoke and how dependent you are of it. So really, I couldn't possibly describe your situation objectively. Probably you don't smoke nearly as much as I made out from your previous post.

And no, doing things you like isn't necessarily beneficial, obviously a little relaxation is sometimes. As an example: I've tried terribly harmful hard drugs and while I really liked the effects, I just wanted to try them and wouldn't do them again because of the danger of addiction and the bad side effects associated with long term use.

And yes, I read that last part.
 

Words of Ivory

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Obviously I don't know your situation; how much weed you smoke and how dependent you are of it. So really, I couldn't possibly describe your situation objectively. Probably you don't smoke nearly as much as I made out from your previous post.
Doing something a lot isn't addiction. Not being able to consciously stop doing it whenever you want is.

Regarding the subject at hand, there's not much I can say except this: If he's already decided he wants to do it, he's probably not going to change his mind unless some sort of circumstance dictates that doing so would be beneficial in some way.

And like everyone said, there's far worse things he could be doing. Like smoking tobacco. Or drinking. If he was doing those a lot, then I would be worried.
 

cafe

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The best way to get an INTP to go one direction is to try to push them in the opposite direction. From what I've observed it's best to just lay the cards on the table in a non-judgmental, low-emotion way and then drop the subject completely. Don't get sucked into the dysfunction yourself. Eventually, once he's worked through whatever it is that is causing him to withdraw, he'll come back to life, so to speak, and deal with stuff.

Until then, you just have to stay out from between him and any environmental motivating factors (such as don't feed him or pay his internet bill if he runs out of money for that stuff or hasn't bothered to secure those items) because you will just prolong the process.
 

Mr. Sherlock Holmes

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The best way to get an INTP to go one direction is to try to push them in the opposite direction. From what I've observed it's best to just lay the cards on the table in a non-judgmental, low-emotion way and then drop the subject completely. Don't get sucked into the dysfunction yourself. Eventually, once he's worked through whatever it is that is causing him to withdraw, he'll come back to life, so to speak, and deal with stuff.

Until then, you just have to stay out from between him and any environmental motivating factors (such as don't feed him or pay his internet bill if he runs out of money for that stuff or hasn't bothered to secure those items) because you will just prolong the process.

That's the problem with us. You can't convince us to DO anything you want us to, no matter how hard you try. Well, normally I'd consider that a good thing, but here, not so much.
 
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