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  1. #1
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    Default Help with INTP guy and smoking?

    I'm actually an INTP myself and I'm looking for advice on my INTP guy friend. He used to be with my best friend who's an ESFJ and he cheated on her while away on vacation. Now they're sort of broken up and he practically is begging her to take him back, but somehow I can tell he's torn about the relationship. He's started smoking weed wayy too much, sometimes a couple times a day and I can tell it's become a problem, there have been instances where he's put it before his relationship. He really is a nice guy, but I used to think he had it all together, and now I'm starting to realize there's a lot of emotional issues there and they seem to be getting worse out of no where. I asked him why he thinks he smokes so much now and he really didn't have an answer for me. He hasn't seemed to give any thought to it at all. Which confuses me so much because he's a really aware and thoughtful person, i mean we're both intps and psychology majors. I've never seen him so avoidant of everything. I don't even know how to approach this issue because he doesn't think there's a problem. I guess what I'm asking is do you know of INTP guys in this situation? Or any input would be great. (But I did tell my friend to officially break it off with him since he's not emotionally healthy right now)

  2. #2
    Senior Member ZPowers's Avatar
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    A couple times a day? I assume you mean pot, then? Cause in terms of cigarettes, that's really not that bad.
    Does he want a pillow for his head?

  3. #3
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    yeah i said pot

  4. #4
    He who laughs
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    what are your reasons for wanting to discuss this?

    Why do you care so much if he's soon to be an ex of your friend? I guess what Im trying to say is why do you want to come involved that much? Cant they work it out themselves?

    All I have is that I would tell him to stop smoking because its bad for his mental health and then get out of the situation like that. Its their relationship so they need to work it out themselves.

  5. #5
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    he's a good friend of mine also. This isn't so much about their relationship as about him. I was giving like background to maybe give reasoning for his behavior.

  6. #6
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    Leave him alone until he gets his head together.

  7. #7
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    okay I have nothing more than my edit. Helping anyone thats addicted as he clearly is can be a hard task. If he dont want to get out of it, then theres not much you can do. Either you enable the behavior by "keeping an open mind to it" or you tell him how bad this is for him and that he needs to get out of it.

    Thats all I got.

    Quote Originally Posted by Within View Post
    Leave him alone until he gets his head together.
    Yes agreed.

  8. #8
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Within View Post
    Leave him alone until he gets his head together.
    This.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #9
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    If he's really avoiding his relationship problems then the last thing he wants is to be reminded of them. Take him out to do things (other than smoking pot). And whatever you do, don't attack him on his current bad habits, but point out to him you don't like it either.

    For me, there's usually two habits I get in to when I'm down like that: drugs and sports. Obviously only one of them can possibly be beneficial, and when I exercise more, I do less drugs.
    (removed)

  10. #10
    Senior Member Fan.of.Devin's Avatar
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    There are far less desirable things that he could be self medicating with, so count your blessings for that.

    Chances are that he probably does have an answer, he just doesn't want to talk about it.
    I think giving him some time and space is a good idea, and also trying to continue normal friend type activities.
    INTP 4w5 SX/SP
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