User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 33

  1. #11
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,024

    Default

    I'm going to be a blunt. Hopefully this won't offend.

    The word delegation pushes buttons. So does taking a supporting role where if humility is part of equation, why would support staff not take over? What is your definition of respect?

    Might I ask what your potential partner gets out it, especially considering the above?

  2. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    136

    Default

    It can be hard, sometimes. In lots of all-women gatherings, the chit-chat can get old fast, and nobody wants to talk about anything you find interesting. In a setting where the most important skills are how to cook chicken in a crockpot, and how to decorate a room, you can start to feel irrelevant with nothing to offer but a few computer skills that nobody wants.

    And, there can be an expectation that, since you're female, you'll be a good hostess and automatically be a serving-type of person and chip in to bring food and clean up without thinking about it, but I have to remind myself that those are things I'm supposed to do, and I sometimes forget - which means I probably unwittingly make a bad impression many times. I don't like making a bad impression. I have goodwill towards people, but I don't always remember to show it in the appropriate "female" ways.

    But if you can find a group of people who acknowledge and value what you bring to the equation rather than only noticing the obvious skills you lack, it can be fine.

  3. #13
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,364

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by slowriot View Post
    But if you look at it as if the man is the leader and delegates the things out that he is not good at and respects his spouses decision skills its a whole different dynamic in the relationship. I personally have been raised in the conservative way where it is expected of the man to take the lead, but not in a way where I would dominate and control my spouse. It will be a relationship based on common respect and humility when it comes to ones weak spots. Plus for me pragmatic I think that the responsibility of having to take the lead for our relationships wellbeing would be help me develope as a person. So Im looking for a girl that can respect me as much to not take the lead when I fail but encourage me to take the lead.
    I'm not an INTJ, but .
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  4. #14
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    9,129

    Default

    He will certainly find his spouse. Churches are a good place to look for her.

  5. #15
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    I'm going to be a blunt. Hopefully this won't offend.

    The word delegation pushes buttons. So does taking a supporting role where if humility is part of equation, why would support staff not take over? What is your definition of respect?

    Might I ask what your potential partner gets out it, especially considering the above?
    Yes delegation was the wrong word, that doesnt make it sound like an equal relationship. But I meant it as a way where I would let the spouse do things that I knew she was better at. Its like a flat organization but with one thats responsible for the wellbeing of the relationship runs smoothly. And that person would be the man.

    Respect, can be many things. But in a romantic relationship respect is bound on love for the other persons faults and mishaps and the ability to see past that and have unity towards the goals that you base your relationship on. So if a relationship was based on the ideals Ive described respect from the womans point of view would be able to be as I described and be able to accept the mans decisions eventhough she might slightly disagree on. Respect from the man would be to see another point of view that the spouse might have and reach a compromise.

    I dont know if that made sense. But I would rather not be domineering and I wouldnt like to be domineered by my spouse. I want to compromise, make clear decisions that benefits both. Help eachother reach goals and grow together.

    Edit: Yes very much so, she could take over if she thought it was neccesary. In what I outlined above she would get a "stable" home where she could do what she want and where open dialog is the key word.

    My main concern here was that it sickens me when I see a relationship where the husband lets the wife handle all the things as long he can get sex and keep being the rebel by using the woman in the relationship as a mother he can rebel against and have sex with afterwards. I cant stand spineless men.

  6. #16
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I'm not an INTJ, but .
    yeah well I can see that it might sound that way.

  7. #17
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,024

    Default

    slowriot, do you honestly want to be in charge or is it that you fear being dominated or controlled?

  8. #18
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    slowriot, do you honestly want to be in charge or is it that you fear being dominated or controlled?
    Hahahaha good point. I have no desire to be in charge in the conservative sense, absolutely not. But I acknowledge that someone has to in order to take the relationship ahead. And I dont understand why it all of a sudden is sexist for the man to take the lead. Sometimes its rather healthy for a mans growth to actually do some work on the relationship and not just let the woman do all the work, even if she do get sex from it. As I said before this idea of trying to break the rules of the status quo back in the 60's-70's has liberated the woman, yes. And yes it needed to happen, no doubt. But has also liberated the man, in the sense that now, you can be a spineless man and just blame it all on his "free thinking".

    My grandfather was one of those men where the wife took over almost completely. And he ended up kind of alien to my mother and her siblings. And I dont want to make the same mistakes he did.

    So yeah its more fear of being controlled. Plus the fear of the woman taking away my masculinity.

  9. #19
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,024

    Default

    Must there be loss with gain?

  10. #20
    Senior Member Misty_Mountain_Rose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    1,123

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by coconut View Post
    It can be hard, sometimes. In lots of all-women gatherings, the chit-chat can get old fast, and nobody wants to talk about anything you find interesting. In a setting where the most important skills are how to cook chicken in a crockpot, and how to decorate a room, you can start to feel irrelevant with nothing to offer but a few computer skills that nobody wants.

    And, there can be an expectation that, since you're female, you'll be a good hostess and automatically be a serving-type of person and chip in to bring food and clean up without thinking about it, but I have to remind myself that those are things I'm supposed to do, and I sometimes forget - which means I probably unwittingly make a bad impression many times. I don't like making a bad impression. I have goodwill towards people, but I don't always remember to show it in the appropriate "female" ways.

    But if you can find a group of people who acknowledge and value what you bring to the equation rather than only noticing the obvious skills you lack, it can be fine.
    Very well said. It is not a coincidence that most of my friends used to be guys, and that most of the jobs I loved most were predominantly male environments. In a way, being around guys makes me feel more feminine. I have worked at making some female friendships with women whom I admire, but they take more effort. I have to remember the social protocols and try harder not to hurt feelings. When I just want to 'hang' with people who 'get me', its usually with guys.

    To the OP - I wouldn't really know if its HARD to be an NTJ female because I've never had the experience of being anything else. Its hard to know whether my Enneagram 4 personality was developed because I felt different from other girls/women growing up an INTJ, or if I felt those differences so acutely because I was an E4. I did feel them though, and I did feel like an outsider a lot. I've learned to meld into the groups though and not be so awkward. I've contributed some time to paying attention to things that other women do that I could take an interest in. "Ohh yes! I make jewelry too! Lets bead shop together!" This one lets me use my hands to make something, it can involve some planning and gives me things to talk about with the other women who like 'crafts'.

    Small habits that I've picked up over the years that were hard for me:
    - Learning to use make up
    - Paying attention to fingernails and toenails so they look pretty
    - ... dressing with any kind of style (This one is still up for debate)
    - Trying not to cuss like a sailor


    Things I still need to learn/do/accept:
    - This hairstyle really has to go, but its so low maintenance that I can't bear to change it
    - Apparently tanning is something I should be doing. Still can't convince myself that the whole sticking-yourself-in-an-oven-to-cook-for-a-while is a good thing.
    - People expect women to send (which also involves actually remembering) Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary, (etc) cards... Oops?

    I'm sure there are others
    Embrace the possibilities.

Similar Threads

  1. [Enne] Is it unusual for an ENFP to be 6w7 Sp/So?
    By The Wailing Specter in forum Enneagram
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 05-17-2017, 11:29 PM
  2. I Hate Being an INTJ Female!!
    By lovelornRationalist in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 56
    Last Post: 10-11-2011, 10:49 PM
  3. Is it hard being an introvert?
    By Elfboy in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 53
    Last Post: 06-07-2011, 10:19 AM
  4. Is it hard being an extrovert ?
    By entropie in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 67
    Last Post: 06-05-2011, 10:57 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO