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  1. #1
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Default help get my INTP brother to actually do work

    dear NTs,

    my INTP brother is a very smart, very lazy student.

    the problem is that my ESFJ mom is killing herself (seriously she is overworked already and now this) trying to do my brother's work that he doesn't do.

    i say natural consequences. let him fail.

    she wants to protect him and feels bad for him and does not see it this way. since i can't seem to change my mom's approach on this subject, any ideas on helping motivate my brother?

    the obvious solution to all this, i realize, is to just stop caring, but i blame NFP. i can't.

  2. #2
    Member A. Zhang's Avatar
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    Perceiving types often work better by switching on and off between different subjects.
    Try that.

  3. #3
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    dear NTs,

    my INTP brother is a very smart, very lazy student.

    the problem is that my ESFJ mom is killing herself (seriously she is overworked already and now this) trying to do my brother's work that he doesn't do.

    i say natural consequences. let him fail.

    she wants to protect him and feels bad for him and does not see it this way. since i can't seem to change my mom's approach on this subject, any ideas on helping motivate my brother?

    the obvious solution to all this, i realize, is to just stop caring, but i blame NFP. i can't.
    The answer is absolutely "natural consequences". He has to fall on his face a few times before he'll "get it". If you guys hand-feed him everything, he's going to think that's the way life works.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  4. #4
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by A. Zhang View Post
    Perceiving types often work better by switching on and off between different subjects.
    Try that.
    ah, good idea. thanks

    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness
    The answer is absolutely "natural consequences". He has to fall on his face a few times before he'll "get it". If you guys hand-feed him everything, he's going to think that's the way life works.
    god, i know.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Kenneth Almighty's Avatar
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    Let's keep going: we might find a way to get one of these INTPs to cure cancer.

  6. #6
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kenneth Almighty View Post
    Let's keep going: we might find a way to get one of these INTPs to cure cancer.


    i should change the title of this thread.

    help INTPs cure cancer: fight laziness!

  7. #7
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    Feels bad for him?

    She's doing him a total disservice by keeping him from learning. It's honestly not good parenting. I'm sure your mother is a very nice person, but you should probably confront her about this. Try to explain to her how this is going to hurt him in the long term. Maybe she's not thinking of it that way.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Kenneth Almighty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post


    i should change the title of this thread.

    help INTPs cure cancer: fight laziness!
    The funny things that this would be as much for me as for him.

    Get him off the internet. It's too easy to reward oneself on here, so this is partially why I think you see introverts joining message boards, because it easily fills up their reward thresholds (for lack of a better term, as i'm feeling lousy -- i need to start exercising). My biggest mistake insofar is probably discovering google.

    I'm not an expert in Brain chemistry, but seriously: get him off the net. I've already wasted a lot of time on here, and I'm a self-proclaimed Anti-Jung.

  9. #9
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Interest and neccesity.

    If your brother isn't interested in doing his work, and your mother is keeping it from being neccesary to do as she will do it for him. It's obvious he has trouble motivating himself. He can now focus on his interests, while your mother 'cleans up' after him.

    My parents were always good at giving me ultimatums if I wasn't doing what I was supposed to do. I was almost thrown out of the house a few times even! And when my father says something, he is going to follow it through. So I knew those weren't 'just' threats. Great motivation there.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  10. #10
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kenneth Almighty View Post
    The funny things that this would be as much for me as for him.

    Get him off the internet. It's too easy to reward oneself on here, so this is partially why I think you see introverts joining message boards, because it easily fills up their reward thresholds (for lack of a better term, as i'm feeling lousy -- i need to start exercising). My biggest mistake insofar is probably discovering google.

    I'm not an expert in Brain chemistry, but seriously: get him off the net. I've already wasted a lot of time on here, and I'm a self-proclaimed Anti-Jung.
    I'd say don't get him away from his interests completely. But rather invoke a maximum allowed time to spend on that. And have him do his work in order for him to earn his right to focus on his interests. Didn't do a proepr job, no computer on weekends. Something like that.

    Revoking PC rights alltogether for long periods of time, have been known to backfire.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

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