thanks so much, everyone, for your contributions.
huge post to follow...
what typically happens is that he'll get way more homework than any 15 year old should have to face (public school here is stupid, 7 hours of school and then "no more than 6 hours of homework"), legitimately whine about it, and then she'll try to help him by saying, well, if you work on this, i can help you by doing (a more mundane thing, like gluing things on a poster, etc.). he'll do his work for a little bit, but then wander off or switch from his Word doc to guitar instruction videos on YouTube. so while she's getting more and more into the subject she's helping him with, he's blowing it off.
he's quite the manipulator, though, and he pretends it's really hard to account for lack of productivity. he gets pissed off when i'm around to call him out on it. says i have too much morality, lol. though sometimes he does genuinely find it really hard, and benefits a lot from her help in just a little area or two - which i think is totally legitimate. it just starts to sound like he's crying wolf, because it's hard to know. and my mom, being the nurturing and loving mother that she is, would prefer to err on the side of being there for him than not.
also, he was diagnosed with some minor fine motor issues when he was younger and falls a little to the slower end of the maturity curve - not to say he's not smart or capable, the little fucker is brilliant - but as an educator herself i suspect my mom sees these things and in part i believe it motivates her to help him even more so than if he had not had it in his past.
i'm a last-minute worker myself, for sure... hallmark P of course. but the difference between me and him is that i always balked when mom would help me because i wanted the work to be MINE. i suppose it was a Fi thing, at least in part. no one but me could produce my work. whereas for him, as long as he agrees with it, he doesn't really care if it's not his work. and so when it gets to the 11th hour, i have learned that i HAVE to do my own work. whereas he whines that he wants to go to bed and ignores it and mom tries to help bail him out. and yeah, eventually i got in really deep shit for not doing my work and it set me (slightly more) straight. but part of what helped get me to that point is that i wouldn't let mom do so much of my work. and he's not getting that, so i feel like he's not developing that last-minute "hey, you actually have to do work now" drive that Ps need to develop. i mean seriously, he won't even direct who does what if she's helping him. he just doesn't care at all.
moreover, we've been raised in a safe, attentive, and happy household that has stimulated our curiosities and encouraged us to explore and learn as we pleased. ironically, the fact that our parents raised us in such a nurturing environment might be contributing to this problem. we're used to learning what we want to learn - and given we're both Ne, that's plenty - and not being used to the burden of no intellectual stimulation in our areas of interest and mundane work in others.
and i can't pretend like i'm perfect, either. i'm an NP too. lazy, messy, procrastinating, negligent, avoidant, etc. sometimes i push deadlines. sometimes i miss deadlines. sometimes i don't give a shit and that gets me in trouble. but i deal with that on my own.
in this way, i completely understand his problem. school is boring useless shit sometimes. not to mention oriented to meeting test criteria, instead of actual learning. he's beginning to think the solution is to totally drop out though. i suspect if push came to shove, he wouldn't, but he has to hate things pretty bad to raise that as an actual possibility.
yeah, exactly. me too. this is exactly what i was talking about before. my mom herself says that some of my brother's assignments are the most ridiculous repetitive crap.I know, right? Personally, I love math, science, philosophy, and everything academia. But I don't like the way their arranging it. This is what I want the most: UNDERSTANDING and STIMULATION. Schools don't provide enough of that but instead they give you labors of do this then do this then do this. In the end, your potential becomes untapped. I want to know "why?" and "how?". I want to talk and explore, not just do these stupid mundane assignments.
But that's it, most of the people aren't focused on creativity and freedom and schools go with most people.
anyway, he also is very interested in taking classical guitar at a local performing arts high school, which would allow him to take guitar classes in addition to regular classes, which might be a much better fit for him.