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  1. #1
    Member awwsha's Avatar
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    Default I need INTJ help!

    I would much appreciate it if some of you all could help me understand!

    I had a complete falling out with a friend that is an INTJ.

    There are certain things about me that bug the heck out of her. Things I dont believe I can really change. But she is completely into changing me to fit this standard of perfection she has set. I would love if someone could explain WHY these things bother her so much, because I dont get it, and she doesnt know why it irritates her. It just does.

    My "imperfections":

    -Interupting. She can't stand it. I cant tell you how many times I have been lectured about it by her. It's not that I am trying to be rude...I just generally cant wait another second to say something or I feel like I am going to explode.

    -I don't take things seriously. It really bothered her that I would prop up my feet in class, or joke with the teachers and students around me. She thought I didnt take life seriously, and would end up nowhere in life.

    -I didnt think about the future. Probably her biggest issue. I tend to be whimsical, all over the place, and never know where I am off to next. Drove her mad. She thinks everyone needs a life plan. Even if she was going to make it for me. She was trying to pick out my career

    -I 'run away' from my problems. I do really hate to face them. I like to go take a nap, or a walk and think about other things. Then I bounce back like everything is ok. She thinks everything needs to be worked out verbally or written out and discussed to solve things directly.

    -I'm ditzy. Yes. Apparently I come across as stupid.

    ---I stopped all contact with her after she not only cussed me out repeatedly, and then wrote me a five page letter outlining all my faults so that I could fix them. It was too much drama, I am not particularly loyal, and it wasn't worth all the strife. It was to the point where I was getting depressed about it. I hate being sad.

    Now however, she wants to be friends again. Says she wants to apologize, because she really misses me. Is there any way on earth it would work for us to even be on speaking terms? Or am I basically going to annoy her no matter what? :steam:
    "The best things in life are silly" - Scott Adams


  2. #2
    Member Dyoni's Avatar
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    This sounds weird to me. She contacted you to reconcile? At least for me, when I shun someone it is very permanent.

    Why does this relationship mean so much to you? You guys don't seem compatible at all.

  3. #3
    Member awwsha's Avatar
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    Default

    She never directly shunned me. She expected me to take her advice. Instead I cut her off. So it was more my decision than hers.

    We aren't very compatible. But I cant help forgiving her when she is verbally abusive, and trying again. I just can't stay angry at anyone, and believe in second..third..tenth chances.

    I should mention she is not a healthy INTJ. She comes from a family that was abusive..It doenst mean all that much to me. It means a lot to her for some reason. The reason it bothers me is that she has dragged out mutual friends into it, and has quite efficiently gotten them all bugging the crap out of me, trying to convince me to be friends with her.
    "The best things in life are silly" - Scott Adams


  4. #4
    Senior Member Misty_Mountain_Rose's Avatar
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    Default

    My advise would be to keep her out of your life. Short and simple.
    Embrace the possibilities.

  5. #5
    Member Dyoni's Avatar
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    As an INTJ, I definitely identify with people thinking I'm being a jerk when I'm actually trying to help. But it sounds like she's treating you as some sort of project that she needs to 'fix.' That's not healthy for either of you.

    It does complicate things since you have mutual friends, but just explain to them that you think it is better for both of you if you don't hang out anymore.

    "Tenth chances?" Really? No one deserves that many chances.

  6. #6
    Member awwsha's Avatar
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    Thanks so much!

    I kind of figured such..but I tend to like confirmation before I do something
    "The best things in life are silly" - Scott Adams


  7. #7
    Member Dyoni's Avatar
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    Default

    good luck!

  8. #8
    shadow boxer strawberries's Avatar
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    it's tricky being friends with robots.

  9. #9
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    I think the habitual interruption thing is a respect issue that I wouldn't be okay with in a very close friend, but other than that she needs to live and let live.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  10. #10
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    She's probably right, though, about the rest. Perhaps she shouldn't have said these things, or said them the way she did, or harped on them so. It may be healthiest (and most pleasant) to have her out of your life, but if you save that 5-page letter, you might be surprised how many of those things come back to bite you over the years.

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