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  1. #11
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I'd write her a letter myself, explaining that these things are part of who you are, explaining how they look from your pov and stating very clearly that her pov on the world isn't the only one out there. That you care for her friendship but you don't see how you can overcome the issues between you as she clearly has trouble accepting the person you are. I'd ask her for a solution for that (as she's so hellbent on fixing things), you might trigger her Fi that way, self-reflecting things.


    Also..very important question to ask her:

    Why does this friendship mean so much to her? Why does she like *you*?

    It's a question INTJs have a hard time answering, ime, as they tend to only see what is wrong with the world (not just you, just with the world, lol). You'll find that one of the reasons they tend to like EXFPs, is coz we are the exact opposite..we enjoy life and try to see the good. They just don't always know that

    Let her figure it out. Stay your distance unless she does. Good luck!
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  2. #12
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
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    Send her that info page about your MBTI score.
    she will figure out the rest herself.

    And you can take it from there with her.

  3. #13
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    if you're a guy, or whatever sex she's into, i'd think she's in love.
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  4. #14
    Member awwsha's Avatar
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    I'd write her a letter myself, explaining that these things are part of who you are, explaining how they look from your pov and stating very clearly that her pov on the world isn't the only one out there. That you care for her friendship but you don't see how you can overcome the issues between you as she clearly has trouble accepting the person you are. I'd ask her for a solution for that (as she's so hellbent on fixing things), you might trigger her Fi that way, self-reflecting things.
    A letter is a good idea! Thank you so much for your advice


    Send her that info page about your MBTI score.
    she will figure out the rest herself.

    And you can take it from there with her.
    I have thought about this. We had a huge discussion about this...because she does not believe anything I have 'issues' with has anything to do with personality. She seems to think everyone is the same, it just all has to do with upbringing? I could never act like her. Even if I didnt interupt etc etc.

    if you're a guy, or whatever sex she's into, i'd think she's in love.
    I am a straight female, and she is also a straight female..at least that is what she says, and by her great love of men I am assuming it is true.
    "The best things in life are silly" - Scott Adams


  5. #15
    Senior Member Moonstone3's Avatar
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    Hmmm... I don't try to fix people. That's their business, but I'd cut them out if we were not on the same 'life path.' This can go two ways.
    1)I would tell her that she clearly doesn't like you. Or more bluntly put-doesn't enjoy your company. Don't even ask why she wants the friendship back. You shouldn't be made to feel that something is wrong with you.It's your life, as she sees it-you may be wasting it-but that's your business. Maybe your goal in life is not the destination, but rather the ride.
    2)Maybe she realizes what she has done. People are capable of change. If you do consider the friendship, let her know up front you are who you are, and if she pulls anymore shinnanigans, you will opt out. It's a fair warning.
    What is normal to one, is incomprehensible to another.

    ALL anger in this world stems from a lack of control.


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  6. #16
    Consulting Detective Mr. Sherlock Holmes's Avatar
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    INTJ and ESFP is never a perfect relationship. They're just so different. Polar opposites, basically. Simplest solution to any problem like this? Compromise. Try to put some effort into some of these problems, most importantly, I'd say, the one about facing your problems, because I know all to well that running away doesn't help. With every relationship there needs to be give on both sides. I think it's very INT to write someone a letter outlining their faults. I've felt inclined to do that to people at times. But think of it this way. You both have stuff to offer each other. You can offer her more fun and freedom and she can offer you a road to getting on more successfully in life and facing problems properly. Neither of you seem entirely healthy.

  7. #17
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    lol the same thing happened with me and my friend, except hes ISFP
    and it was only the last three "problems" that annoyed me with him

    but i only apoligized when i realized how awkward my remaining years of school would of been cuz we see each other almost everyday AND our families were close, oh well...

  8. #18
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    I agree that you really should stop interrupting her. Really try, because that involves other people, not just you. It's rude.

    But other than that, your friend is being very controlling. Everything else she complains about is really none of her concern. It's one thing to do things that bug other people. It's another thing entirely for her to try to tell you who to be otherwise, and you should let her know that.

    I can't really say if you'll always annoy her. You might. If you think that's the case, move on, but if you want to give your friendship one more chance I hope you can work things out.

  9. #19
    Member awwsha's Avatar
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    but i only apoligized when i realized how awkward my remaining years of school would of been cuz we see each other almost everyday AND our families were close, oh well...
    Haha...yes. I tend to run into her everywhere. Which in most cases I wave and smile..and she kind of glared in my general direction.

    I agree that you really should stop interrupting her. Really try, because that involves other people, not just you. It's rude.
    I've been trying. It is something I work at. Or at least around certain people. My dear father has been rebuking me about it since I learned how to talk. After 19 years...I am getting better at not interrupting him.

    I wrote her, and she wrote back. I told her it really wouldn't work to ever be close friends again. Mostly because she would just eventually get irritated again. But I would like if we can be friendly instead of her hating me...She seems okay with that.

    Here I thought that all my drama would end in highschool.
    "The best things in life are silly" - Scott Adams


  10. #20
    Senior Member Heart&Brain's Avatar
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    My 13 year old ESTP-daughter have taught me to deflect our common problem of impulsive interrupting eachother by mock-sneering "Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting you!!!"

    Just saying that when both persons involved can admit it's impolite to interrupt and both are aware that when it happens (it's impulsive, right?) it's really not out of disrespect or malicious intent, then the situation can be solved with humour rather than anger.

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