I'm curious whether this might be a "MBTI type thing" or if anyone else has had this occur to them regularly who can share some insight.
Huge generalization, but here goes: Personally I like how NTs have the ability to not let what other people think "get" to them. As in they won't try to act all fuzzy and make things good just for the sake of "having harmony" to "feel better." If somebody doesn't like you guys then that's sweet you know, whatever, just carry on. Those people aren't important anyway and why the heck would you want to please them in the first place? To those who think it's more important to be nice all the time the trait probably gets misread as arrogance or ego or arseholery or whathaveyou. Some people ARE assholes but it's important to differentiate between those who are purposely trying to get you riled up and those who just don't care much about those kinds of values. Mainly Fe stuff maybe.
Originally Posted by ZPowers
The people who hate me hate me because of my political/religious/pop culture/insert topic X beliefs (which I probably admittedly instigated what I'd call a debate but they'd call an argument on), not because I was particularly mean
Ehh I've been in your position so many times. Maybe it's the way I approach things but people tend to read it as a direct challenge to their beliefs when it was never the intention...I just want to explore the issue, y'know? And then it ends up with them saying "your views are just WRONG" when I was only trying to draw out a discussion on a topic :P
The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. --A. Rand
The offline/online scenario seems to jive with my personal experience.
I have just noticed that they way people perceive me via communication by email, forums, social media etc ... is the opposite of the way they interact with me in person.
Since we cant have a face to face conversation in the online environment, people can generally voice their opinions to me without any inhibitions. But when they meet me in person, I can swear it wasn't the same person I spoke to in type.
Among some vulgar, angry, ferocious emails I've received from some dissatisfied customers - everything changes when they see me in person and they magically retort to saying how great everything was and they don't even want to bargain for a settlement. They just leave my office with a big smile on.
AND OF COURSE, its the same with women. Communication via texts or emails and in-person are two different realms.
Everything seems to go more smooth when its in-person.
Same thing as the cigarette. Looking to kill its next victim.
If with some frequency people tell you you're an asshole, there is a heightened probability that you are, in fact, an asshole.
A good rule of diagnostics is that if you have a problem and can't figure it out, go for the easy solutions first. If the car doesn't start, you can tear out the engine and put in a new one, but you should probably check if there's gas in the tank first.
Blown Ghost, I'm just checking if there's gas in the tank. You might really be an asshole, or you might just seem like an asshole. Unclear.
Cheshire Grin said it right:
Some people ARE assholes but it's important to differentiate between those who are purposely trying to get you riled up and those who just don't care much about those kinds of values.
Or you're not an asshole, and those other people are assholes.
I've been told by many people that they thought I was an asshole before they got to know me. They all misread my mannerisms though. It's the cold shoulders or not going out of my way to talk to them, etcetera, etcetera.
Hard not to project an aura of unfriendliness when you don't see any reason to add/force something into the conversation.
People hate me. Well some people at work do, at least. I've been told it several times. It has something to do with the fact that they do and say stupid things and make my job more difficult. I don't let them get away with it.
So they throw their toys out of the cot.
Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.
Sometimes I think people dislike people who've got their shit together and can handle themselves without perpetually becoming anxious or experiencing crisis or needing someone else to help them process events, manage their emotions.
I'm not saying that ENTJs are the only people who fit that profile, sometimes they arent and I think any type which is self-aware and adjusted, adapted, happy will get the same sort of response from people who arent.
Seriously, never, ever, underestimate how much it eats away and people and provokes their rage that you could simply be happier than they are.