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  1. #1
    Senior Member Cypocalypse's Avatar
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    Default Can ENFJs quantify....

    the level of importance the other person put on their friendship?

    A couple of times, an ENFJ friend asked me if I tell stuff about her when I'm talking with our other friends when she's not around.

    I find the question weird. It's human nature to talk about other people. It's not completely unavoidable, but I almost always talk about her with the nicest intent whenever such occasions happen.

    As an ENTP (where ENFJ is a very compatible archetype), I'm almost sure that she's aware that I was already "pseudo-smitten" to her at the very beginning. I thought that my sincerity is alreay apparent. Her "radar" should have sensed it. Well, if that doesn't work, she can always "romanticize" the interaction and make anyone like her.

    If anything, it should be my prerogative to ask that ENFJ a similar question. Because she caters to too many people, I'm starting to wonder if she has an idea of "prioritizing", like acknowledging more those that actually value the friendship.

    I wonder if she asking me that question is a reflection of what goes on in her psyche.

    Edit: This should be in the NF forum. Please transfer this thread.

  2. #2
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Woman often ask you questions, they know the answer to but want to hear it from you too, to see if you are honest to them. If they raid you with a question, the possibility is very high you'll tell the truth, if you have to answer quickly. Other than that it's always a matter of trust and she probably wont ask you such things, if she doesnt care about you a bit. Probably she's even intrested in you.

    A question like this shows you too tho that the woman doesnt really understand you or trust you for that matter. So a clearer approach and more frequent voicing of your opinion about things in her vicinity wont be wrong and will bring you bonus points.

    A question like that is together with many other female question of that kind part of the big "just answer the damned question" questions. The reason for 99% of this questions stems from emotional backup they want from you, cause they like you, want to know if they can trust you or try to understand you. A real reason behind it, you shouldnt seek that will just make you sad in the long run
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #3
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Woman often ask you questions, they know the answer to but want to hear it from you too, to see if you are honest to them. If they raid you with a question, the possibility is very high you'll tell the truth, if you have to answer quickly. Other than that it's always a matter of trust and she probably wont ask you such things, if she doesnt care about you a bit. Probably she's even intrested in you.

    A question like this shows you too tho that the woman doesnt really understand you or trust you for that matter. So a clearer approach and more frequent voicing of your opinion about things in her vicinity wont be wrong and will bring you bonus points.

    A question like that is together with many other female question of that kind part of the big "just answer the damned question" questions. The reason for 99% of this questions stems from emotional backup they want from you, cause they like you, want to know if they can trust you or try to understand you. A real reason behind it, you shouldnt seek that will just make you sad in the long run
    hold on. all women are not xxFJs, and even all xxFJs don't do this kind of thing. personally i don't do that at all - not only does it sound annoying to me, but it's also just not ever been the way i've gone about things. lord knows i can be an ass sometimes, but it's never manifested like this... if i'm pissed at you and think you're doing something that breaks my trust, i'll just tell you. potentially loudly, but i don't do head games. this isn't a female thing, or even a female F thing.

    as for the original question, it's interesting because i know an ENFJ who assumes it's fair game to talk about others when they're not there. i don't think she means it with any harm, just that people talk about other people. it just happens. especially for women, since we're the ones who traditionally maintain social contacts... i feel like we're generally expected to know what's going on with others and it's considered a social faux pas to be unaware.

    to me - and i'm making kind of an extended guess here - i think she's concerned that you'll reveal personal information about herself. NFJs tend to be really private and very possessive of their personal info. i think this sounds less about your friendship and more about her concern that you're revealing stuff about her she doesn't want revealed.

    as for quantifying the level of friendship - i think it's pretty easy in general for most Fs to tell how much you actually care.

  4. #4
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I was trieing to prevent the thread starter from thinking about the matter in mbti terms to much or trieing to analyse something out of it.

    It may be motivated from a societal comparism of force but if it isnt he shouldnt think about it, but try and ask her out.

    It's a dangerous thing to analyse everything with mbti and it does effectively cripple your ability to emote your way thru a situation forever.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  5. #5
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I was trieing to prevent the thread starter from thinking about the matter in mbti terms to much or trieing to analyse something out of it.

    It may be motivated from a societal comparism of force but if it isnt he shouldnt think about it, but try and ask her out.

    It's a dangerous thing to analyse everything with mbti and it does effectively cripple your ability to emote your way thru a situation forever.
    ah, okay, i see what you mean. i just was annoyed cause women get this behavior dumped on us all the time - playing trust games and whatever. i hate that stuff, and it makes women look so petty, you know?

    anyway, yeah, i agree with you. ask the girl out

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    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    yes sorry; I phrased that a bit sloopy. My mind's full with 130 questions regarding my exam in manufacturing technologies in 2 days.... totally lazy to do anything right atm
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cypocalypse View Post
    the level of importance the other person put on their friendship?

    A couple of times, an ENFJ friend asked me if I tell stuff about her when I'm talking with our other friends when she's not around.

    I find the question weird. It's human nature to talk about other people. It's not completely unavoidable, but I almost always talk about her with the nicest intent whenever such occasions happen.

    I wonder if she asking me that question is a reflection of what goes on in her psyche.
    Its weird the first time a friend asks you, but definitely understandable. I always wonder if my friends say things about me when I'm not around, and I'm sure they do. I don't see where you can go wrong by answering honestly.

    And technically, by her asking you if YOU talk about her, she could be putting others in the situation she wants to get out of (Being talked about while absent).

    Ignore types on this one. If you make a point not to gossip, kudos! Go with the flow!

  8. #8
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Do you know if she meant if you talked about her in a good way? or a bad way?
    If its in a good way, maybe shes just curious if you like her so much that your telling the world about your relationship, if you did she might be happy about that .

    But if she meant in a bad way, she might be paranoid about something or has trust issues. Either that or she heard from someone else that you said something inappropriate about her? A lot ENFJs care about their reputation and what people think about them.
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  9. #9
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cypocalypse View Post
    the level of importance the other person put on their friendship?

    A couple of times, an ENFJ friend asked me if I tell stuff about her when I'm talking with our other friends when she's not around.
    Either it's paranoia (shrug) or she's wondering if you mention her or think about her enough to speak of her when she's not around. Am I on your mind? Did she seem freaked out/irritated or simply questioning?

    I don't personally, in all seriousness, do or say that sort of thing because I can "tell" if I'm living rent-free in your head. It'll be all over you regardless of how you try to hide it (just as it is with me). I'd only use that "tactic" when I wanted to see my ENTP blush which was cute and sexy because he couldn't help it. I knew the things he was thinking about me from that color in his face. It would just be a gentle teasing on my part, not a serious question.

    I find the question weird. It's human nature to talk about other people. It's not completely unavoidable, but I almost always talk about her with the nicest intent whenever such occasions happen.
    People talk about people. We're geared to be curious about each other and to want to know everything about them because we're herd animals. Being too nosy or gossiping (which to me is spreading around dubious information about someone you hardly know) is going a bit far, but otherwise, people talk about each other in order to suss them out or build a better picture of them in their minds.

    As an ENTP (where ENFJ is a very compatible archetype), I'm almost sure that she's aware that I was already "pseudo-smitten" to her at the very beginning. I thought that my sincerity is alreay apparent. Her "radar" should have sensed it. Well, if that doesn't work, she can always "romanticize" the interaction and make anyone like her.
    I'm sorry, perhaps I'm off today, but could you explain this paragraph to me?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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