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  1. #1
    Junior Member saltmineworker's Avatar
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    Default INTP and the challenge of flirting

    I find I am not disposed to having large groups of acquaintances. I don't feel shy, exactly, but many times in social occasions I drift off into my own thoughts. Small talk is generally painful, and even irritating, because even though in general it serves to serve as a basis to get to know people, in real time it can be fairly tedious. On the other hand, dying alone seems a viable but unattractive option. Thus, in order to facilitate meeting someone of the opposite (but nicely complementary) gender it behooves me to figure out a way to be more social. This brings me to the point of this post: Have you found a way to make the random and, at least to many, incomprehensible, way you think work to your advantage? I mean, we are generally creative, capable of intricate planning, and possessed of vast amounts of eccentric knowledge. There should be a way to parlay that into making oneself into a social positive.

  2. #2
    Junior Member saltmineworker's Avatar
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    Come on people, I know there has to be an INTP out there who is good at this. Don't be shy. Just because We are all going to analyze the minutiae of your posts doesn't make this a scary place.

  3. #3
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saltmineworker View Post
    I find I am not disposed to having large groups of acquaintances. I don't feel shy, exactly, but many times in social occasions I drift off into my own thoughts. Small talk is generally painful, and even irritating, because even though in general it serves to serve as a basis to get to know people, in real time it can be fairly tedious. On the other hand, dying alone seems a viable but unattractive option. Thus, in order to facilitate meeting someone of the opposite (but nicely complementary) gender it behooves me to figure out a way to be more social. This brings me to the point of this post: Have you found a way to make the random and, at least to many, incomprehensible, way you think work to your advantage? I mean, we are generally creative, capable of intricate planning, and possessed of vast amounts of eccentric knowledge. There should be a way to parlay that into making oneself into a social positive.
    I have 2 modes that I operate in for the most part. The first is where I'm in Ti mode and not really looking to talk to anyone. It appears somewhat anti-social, I'm pretty sure. It may even appear arrogant to some people. That's not really it at all. I'm just focused on doing what I have to do and getting back home or wherever else I need to go. I'm focused and I'm being efficient with my time, and so small talk doesn't really fit into that "efficient mode". It's seen as a distraction. When I'm in this mode, I still might draw some curiosity (maybe they see me as the mysterious, quiet guy - or maybe the mysterious, arrogant dude who doesn't want to talk to anyone - that's not who I really am, but there are some females who like that). But, there will be a few people interested in trying to see what's underneath, but they approach very carefully and from a distance - because subconciously when I'm "focused" or not in a social mood, I "create" that type of a situation - where people won't get into small talk easily with me. Instead, they just kind of wonder, "what's this guy all about?" Anyhow, this Ti mode isn't really the best for meeting new people.

    Then there's Ne mode (with a little bit of Ti thrown in). I've been using this a lot in the last year or so and I have to say, my social circle has grown by leaps and bounds. Basically, I make people laugh, keep things light, crack jokes (play on words, etc.). The other day, a girl was asking me if I allow my dog in my bed. I said, "Why would I do that?" She said, "To cuddle with him!" I said, "First of all, he's male, not female. Not interested! Secondly, he's a canine, not a human. Again, not interested. Plus, if I meet someone and end up getting married, then I'll have to break the dog's habit of climbing into bed with me! And that might not be easy to do." She insisted, "Until you get married, you would have someone to cuddle with!" I said, "You know, he actually does have better breath than some of the girlfriends I've had in the past, so maybe you have a point!" We both laughed pretty hard. I guess I'm just throwing that out there as an example of how you can use Ne/Ti to just keep things light and silly. People seem to take to that pretty easily and I have to say, it's not that much harder than being in "Ti mode". It takes a little bit more effort. I think INTP's can crack jokes in almost any situation. And people really like that. And I don't really come on to women at all. I just keep being my crazy self, day in and day out, every time I see them and, sometimes, they start to like me. I think they like the fact that I'm not hitting on them constantly - I'm just being funny and being confident in who I am. After knowing them for a while, then they'll start asking more personal questions - how come you aren't married, we should hang out sometime, etc, etc.

    Basically, if I try to "get women", it kind of doesn't work that well. But, if I just crack jokes and keep things light and witty, it goes fairly smoothly and everyone has a good time.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  4. #4
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    I bet you're all secretively INFP's. You just don't want to admit it.

  5. #5
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angell_m View Post
    I bet you're all secretively INFP's. You just don't want to admit it.
    That's it! There's your answer, OP.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  6. #6
    Junior Member saltmineworker's Avatar
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    Lol. Well, in the last year girlfriends have called me : cold, a robot, etc. Which I find funny, because I was more open to them then I am with almost anyone. I don't deny I can be a bit slow picking up on emotional cues though. I have taken various sorters, and I always get INTP, without fail. Also, to be precise, it's not that I am looking to be a pickup type of guy, as that isn't my personality. I just want to be able to make people more comfortable, to be more approachable. Perhaps I mistitled this post? Finally (for this particular reply, anyway) how often do you make a joke that is kind of subtle, and nobody gets it?

  7. #7
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    lol, so cute.

    *ducks*

  8. #8
    Junior Member saltmineworker's Avatar
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    Could you be more specific as to the source of the cuteness?

  9. #9
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saltmineworker View Post
    Could you be more specific as to the source of the cuteness?
    She likes INTP's. She thinks we're all cute.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  10. #10
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saltmineworker View Post
    Could you be more specific as to the source of the cuteness?
    The sincerity and innocence. The hunger for improvement. It's very honest. I guess that's "cute". And the fact that this is a challenge, that's why I ducked, cause I thought that might sound condescending.

    sorry I don't have anything constructive to say

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