Lol. Well, in the last year girlfriends have called me : cold, a robot, etc. Which I find funny, because I was more open to them then I am with almost anyone. I don't deny I can be a bit slow picking up on emotional cues though. I have taken various sorters, and I always get INTP, without fail. Also, to be precise, it's not that I am looking to be a pickup type of guy, as that isn't my personality. I just want to be able to make people more comfortable, to be more approachable. Perhaps I mistitled this post? Finally (for this particular reply, anyway) how often do you make a joke that is kind of subtle, and nobody gets it?
When we're just being "friendly" with someone and in "Ne mode", then people like us. But, once we settle into a relationship with someone, it is inevitable that they are going to see a lot of Ti - quiet, concentrating, detached, don't want to be bothered, etc. And that's where people think we're cold and robotic. It's still the same me and I still care about my significant other just the same, but it's my leading function - I can't help it. I've said it before, but if you were to take anyone's leading function away from them, they wouldn't be happy for very long. It's a huge part of who they are, of their personality. If you're gonna love us, you've got to love (or at least appreciate) our Ti.
NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.
There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay
@INTPness- Right. For me, if I have told someone I care about them, and I continue to devote time and energy to them, it is self evident that my feelings have not diminished. I don't need to hear "I love you" a lot. And, to be honest, I forget to say it enough, which causes friction. The relationship kind, not the fun kind. And as the relationship ages, it doesn't occupy as much brain "processing time." It's kind of difficult to explain the thought process.
During awkward pauses, just vocalize all that thinking you're doing. You can even preface your thoughts with "that makeme think..." Your Ne can be very effective in keeping cpnversations fresh and flowing.
I find I am not disposed to having large groups of acquaintances. I don't feel shy, exactly, but many times in social occasions I drift off into my own thoughts. Small talk is generally painful, and even irritating, because even though in general it serves to serve as a basis to get to know people, in real time it can be fairly tedious. On the other hand, dying alone seems a viable but unattractive option. Thus, in order to facilitate meeting someone of the opposite (but nicely complementary) gender it behooves me to figure out a way to be more social. This brings me to the point of this post: Have you found a way to make the random and, at least to many, incomprehensible, way you think work to your advantage? I mean, we are generally creative, capable of intricate planning, and possessed of vast amounts of eccentric knowledge. There should be a way to parlay that into making oneself into a social positive.
you sir just used the word "behooves." +1 Vocab.
You have to know how and when to modulate your speech. You know big words, but knowing how to tone it in a subtle way is key. There's a hint of ambiguity with flirting, and sometimes practicality works better than concision. Also comedy. Share your funny ideas and thoughts in small talk to spice it up. I mean if your bored in a conversation that you DO want to continue, make yourself a part of it. Worst-case scenario, you are left with awkward silence and someone says "Awkward" haha
if you really cant help but drift off, do what i do and carry a sheet of graph paper with you. work on actively going back and forth from an idea you may be entertaining in your head, to possibly writing it down for later, to catching up on all the conversation you missed (unless one-on-one)
Ah, the vocabulary paradox, as I refer to it. I think the way I write, but I usually try to keep it to two syllables or less. Ironically, the more tired, drunk, or otherwise impaired I become, the more erudite I sound, because I can't concentrate enough to filter it as well. (It's currently 2:30 a.m. my time.) That's what happens when you spend most of your early life reading, because you really aren't interested in who is currently a "poopyhead." I have noticed what you said though, that it's kind of off-putting, especially if people think you are showing off. Another thing I used to do is to actually answer questions. I remember I blew a conversation with a nice woman because she said "I wonder how those signs work?" I then explaind about neon gas, electron rings, and stimulated emission of radiation (the neon light flashes.) I appreciate the tip. Anything else you notice, I am happy to hear it. Over explanation, FTL (for the loss)
I love this thread! You're so adorably clueless! (Or else you can fake it really well).
You need to learn how to bring your knowledge down to earth, or you need to find a girl (or guy?) who shares your interests.
I think you need to do both of the above. At least, that would be the best of both worlds. Frankly, most people don't care about what you find fascinating or wonderful. How neon signs work? Really?! For most people, that's a passing interest. When they find out how much effort it takes to actually have modicum of understanding of this process, they tune out. It's not that interesting.
But, and here's the kicker, can you find a person "of the opposite gender" who shares your interests? (Good luck with that!)
What do you value more: the unhindered pursuit of your interests, or a personal relationship with an SO? If you can't find an SO who is as passionate about your interests as you are, then you'll need to find way to curtail your enthusiasm about things you know well when you're around your SO while being more enthused about things your SO cares about--or you'll need to remain perpetually single.
Relationships usually involve sacrifice. Learn how to relate to the other, if you want the other to relate to you.