[INTP] INTPs and affection

[deep rain]

I knew this girl in elementary school, and we spoke only a few times and didn't speak again until early high school and that was only once. It was no in-depth conversation, it's just the most casual things with another person in school. She is very deeply introspective. So soft-spoken. Then we became myspace friends a couple of years later but never really talked, and when I told her I was deleting my myspace she surprised me by being really outwardly affectionate and loving.. she said she misses me and she really doesn't want to lose a friend like me. ??but we never even really talked!
2 years later, I contact her online because I had to tell her about something that happened to me, which she was in on, and again she surprises me by being makes-no-sense affectionate.. she says again that she misses me, and that she prays for me.
It's like a complete stranger coming up to you on the street and saying that they pray for you.

All I could think of this strangeness was ..INTP.
(an INxx thing in general)

I already knew beforehand that she's an INTP because she had taken the test at a mutual friend's house, and I knew immediately that her result was correct, even though I never really got to know her. I can tell.

She obviously has these feelings secretly hidden away. It's just so surprising to me because she's not affectionate-like/expressive at all in person. She's SO gentle, and quiet.
Why would she miss me? we never talked.


INTPs here.. secretly keep similar feelings?

 

[slowriot]

is this romantic or friends? You have a girl as your avatar but you nfp people are hard to figure out sex wise.

 

[deep rain]

friends!

 

[Phantonym]

It's just something people say to be polite when there's no attachment really.

 

[nozflubber]

It's possible you made some kind of gesture / act of kindness that was interpreted as heartfelt concern on your part...

we INTPs can be fools in this regard and interpret generalized kindness and affection as something personal and specific to them, especially when young OR lonely...

There's this one episode of the show scrubs, where elliott, an ESFJ, lightly brushes up against the janitor (INTP) and says something really kind and sweet. Then without hesitatation the Janitor immediately heads to a jewelry store to buy a wedding ring because he thinks she's into him after that one little act!

as sad as it is, we can be that clueless and impressionable.


EDIT: When you say "we never talked" - Just how sure are you about that? Just because you don't remember having serious heartfelt talks doesn't mean you didn't have one, in their eyes.

 

[deep rain]

It's just something people say to be polite when there's no attachment really.

I thought maybe that too.

It's possible you made some kind of gesture / act of kindness that was interpreted as heartfelt concern on your part...

nah, we were just as casual as with any other people in school.

 

[slowriot]

oh thats just because she made a conscious choice to be friends with you because she feels some sort of connection with you. I get these senses that I really like this person in some strange abstract way, like we fit with eachothers personality/cultural background and so on.

You have to understand that intp are not social initiators or atleast rarely are. And time is different to us, we can go a long time between seeing people we feel a connection with or interacting with them. Dont misinterpret time or frequency of talking/interaction with caring. That would be really wrong when dealing with intps.

I think she feels that she has already told you in some way that she likes spending time with you or watching you and that shes waiting for some kind of response. Its like shes opened herself but she wont act on it unless she feel 100% you feel the same.

If you want to be friends with her initiate some deeper connection. Like talk about some topic that will get her to bond deeper with you then she might be more willing to initiate in the future.

 

[nozflubber]

well then if you're that certain she never saw it as anything as beyond casual, perhaps it's a case of mistaken identity. I maintain, however, that it's possible while you saw it as casual, it was NOT casual in her eyes. just something to think about.

 

[slowriot]

It's possible you made some kind of gesture / act of kindness that was interpreted as heartfelt concern on your part...

we INTPs can be fools in this regard and interpret generalized kindness and affection as something personal and specific to them, especially when young OR lonely...

There's this one episode of the show scrubs, where elliott, an ESFJ, lightly brushes up against the janitor (INTP) and says something really kind and sweet. Then without hesitatation the Janitor immediately heads to a jewelry store to buy a wedding ring because he thinks she's into him after that one little act!

as sad as it is, we can be that clueless and impressionable.


EDIT: When you say "we never talked" - Just how sure are you about that? Just because you don't remember having serious heartfelt talks doesn't mean you didn't have one, in their eyes.

hahahahaha serious, you are that naive?

Edit: yes we probably are that naive sometimes. we can be social retards to the extend that we misunderstand cues. Atleast as young. Im good with social interactions and talking Ive learned myself that, but I dont always get the cues. But as older and when I have put myself in situations where my retardedness is being displayed Ive learned sometimes to not listen to them.

 

[nozflubber]

I used to be, yes, embarassingly enough :/

 

[deep rain]

EDIT: When you say "we never talked" - Just how sure are you about that? Just because you don't remember having serious heartfelt talks doesn't mean you didn't have one, in their eyes.

We never said anything more in-depth to each other than asking to borrow a pencil, and being in the same class in 5th grade.

However she is very kind and friendly, it's like standing in front of an angel. I guess she is just a very giving and friendly person.

 

[slowriot]

We never said anything more in-depth to each other than asking to borrow a pencil, and being in the same class in 5th grade.

However she is very kind and friendly, it's like standing in front of an angel. I guess she is just a very giving and friendly person.

if you feel that way initiate a conversation with a topic she might like.

 

[Salomé]

INTPs here.. secretly keep similar feelings?

Why would you ask if you're going to roll your eyes? Seems rather rude.
She doesn't sound much like an INTP to me. Maybe INFP.

 

[INTP]

i dunno about others, but i can kinda sense how some people(especially some enfps) connect by observing them and without actually connecting to them much myself. its like seeing what kind of plug they use to connect to others and i know i got the kind of that fits in it, or kinda like hijacking their wlan connection. i got a problem(or had, or trying to get over this and not sure if i have got over it completely) of letting them plug into me so that they could get something out of me, but i still get very much out of them. this can lead into huge imbalance between me and the other person when the other thinks that i dont know anything about him/her because we didnt really connect, but in reality(?) the connection only worked in one way and they didnt even notice it.

 

[guesswho]

You did something. You were remarkable in her eyes. Something sparked the attachment. She remembers it. She interprets it. You don't. Ask her what it is.

 

[Totenkindly]

I can't really determine what type she is from the description. An INTP read might be kinda premature. I think all introverted types have the capacity to be this way, depending on their life experience and upbringing.

I'll say that my INTP son does have that persona -- he can be scathing in his analysis of people and situations in terms of "what's stupid" and he won't pull any punches, but he only shows that with people he really trusts and he knows can handle it. He prefers to keep the low-key, non-personal-conflict thing in place and seems to have underlying affection for people in his life that he didn't used to typically express until it looked like things were changing (i.e., the friend was moving away, etc.) That's probably the "simplistic Si affection" that some INTPs have been recognized as having... broad warm feeling without nuance. But not all INTPs respond that way, only a subset.

Other introverted types will not share specific personal feelings either until the situation seems appropriate to do so, and it might not be driven by internal emotion but by a desire to do and say the appropriate thing. E.g., if you are friends, therefore you care about people and pray for them when they're in a trying time; it's the "right thing to say" and the behavior is part of being a good and caring person to them. And they might not realize they care until they hear you're having issues and then they'll experience feelings about it. I know a number of I's from my prior church environment that would behave this way, and otherwise you might not have ever thought they really cared because they wouldn't really reach out otherwise.

 

[JocktheMotie]

However she is very kind and friendly, it's like standing in front of an angel. I guess she is just a very giving and friendly person.

Worst INTP ever.

To be useful, I have to say I can't relate to behavior described by the OP.

 

[INA]

I don't get INTP from this. At all.

 

[Stevo]

I'm going to agree with the posters who have put out the conjecture that she might be INFP rather than INTP. It sounds to me like her hidden Fi is coming out to the fore. I don't think I've ever done something like that, although I do find myself feeling very affectionate for people at random times for no reason, I generally do not express those feelings.

 

[Tallulah]

I'm going to agree with the posters who have put out the conjecture that she might be INFP rather than INTP. It sounds to me like her hidden Fi is coming out to the fore. I don't think I've ever done something like that, although I do find myself feeling very affectionate for people at random times for no reason, I generally do not express those feelings.

Yep, exactly this. That would, in fact, be the most awkward thing in the world for an INTP to do. Especially a young INTP.