[INTP] INTPs and affection

[deep rain]

Why would you ask if you're going to roll your eyes? Seems rather rude.
She doesn't sound much like an INTP to me. Maybe INFP.

I'm not rolling my eyes. My intention of the smiley face was a dreamy/questioning type of face.

 

[Grungemouse]

This is probably just my point of view, but reading her words and actions gave me "embarrassment squicks". Dwelling on those sentiments alone would result in self-criticism -"You idiot, are you going soft?" - contemplating in sharing them would end in a psychological pummeling. I'm often too scared to express my affection for friends, in the event of receiving a critical reception. Given the context, it would just seem... creepy. Inappropriate. I'd also expect an INTP, and especially a young one would share similar feelings. My bet is the friend is INFP.

 

[OrangeAppled]

As an INFP, I will say this does not register with me either - I'm extremely guarded with feelings, and the other person has to iniate such expressions first, and even then I return them somewhat awkwardly. I'm even 10x more guarded with such expressions IRL than online.

I'd suggest INFJ, as they can look like INTPs to people and sometimes test INTP. Of all the INXXs, they come across the most warm/affectionate when you actually get them to talk, IMO.

That said, I knew an INTP who was much more expressive of affection than I am ( actually, I know a few like this). However, over time, it seemed to me that the feeling behind the expression was rather shallow & even short-lived- maybe even expressed out of a sense of obligation or appropriateness. Inferior Fe maybe? These expressions came quite surprisingly easily from him, but they were also retracted quite easily. He even admitted to this trait of expressing strong feelings in a moment, but then they would fade quickly and he'd be over it & back to his cold self. It's misleading to the receiver....

 

[INTP]

That said, I knew an INTP who was much more expressive of affection than I am ( actually, I know a few like this). However, over time, it seemed to me that the feeling behind the expression was rather shallow & even short-lived- maybe even expressed out of a sense of obligation or appropriateness. Inferior Fe maybe? These expressions came quite surprisingly easily from him, but they were also retracted quite easily. He even admitted to this trait of expressing strong feelings in a moment, but then they would fade quickly and he'd be over it & back to his cold self. It's misleading to the receiver....

this sounds quite weird because intp feelings tend to be all or nothing, meaning either feeling deeply or not caring at all. Fe being first or second causes feelings sometimes to be as you mentioned, not tertiary or inferior

 

[Fluffywolf]

That said, I knew an INTP who was much more expressive of affection than I am ( actually, I know a few like this). However, over time, it seemed to me that the feeling behind the expression was rather shallow & even short-lived- maybe even expressed out of a sense of obligation or appropriateness. Inferior Fe maybe? These expressions came quite surprisingly easily from him, but they were also retracted quite easily. He even admitted to this trait of expressing strong feelings in a moment, but then they would fade quickly and he'd be over it & back to his cold self. It's misleading to the receiver....

That doesn't sound like he's using Fe at all, it might be that he is just struggling to 'belong'. He is faking Fe in order to try and belong, and the strong emotion comes from the fact that he is aware it's not genuine and it bugs him.

I have had times where I knew what was expected of me by people close to me and tried to show that, by acting like I thought I should. But I immidiatly shoot myself down once I do that. So I don't anymore. I've no problem faking Fe around strangers or in work relationships though. But as soon as the relation I have with the people around me is on a personal level, faking Fe is pretty painful.

It seems to, ironically, release our inferior real Fe on our own ass.

 

[Salomé]

I'm not rolling my eyes. My intention of the smiley face was a dreamy/questioning type of face.

OK. Just a misunderstanding. For future ref - it's an eye roll smiley. That's why you have to type ":"rolleyes":"

Speaking personally, I can find myself becoming quite fond of someone without much personal interaction with them or any kind of relationship. It comes back to the fact that I don't tend to evaluate people based on their impression of or interaction with me, but more impersonally. I observe them and assess them from afar. I don't feel the need to have them in my life just because I happen to like them or think highly of them. Is that unusual?
But I'm very unlikely to express that affection openly (I might have done so as a child and been met with an astonishment that curbed my impulses). Introverts are like icebergs. Fully 90% is almost permanently submerged.