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  1. #971

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    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    ;-)

    In seriousness, I also find the INTPs I know to be really nice to be around. Very soothing kind of connection.

    (I've always thought it's a bit of a shame to see a nice INTP in a relationship with someone who is trying to unashamedly shoe-horn them into what they want. From the outside looking in at those relationships, I think an INTP is prone to blaming him/herself and taking a lot of responsibility for relationship troubles. Can mean the INTP ends up jumping through a lot of hoops... Without seeming to get much out of it for themselves?)
    Yes, they are very easy, natural company and counterparts... well, can often be.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  2. #972
    Senior Member Stigmata's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    :horor: :panic: :panic:









    .... hmmm. I guess you're right. Even after all that, still calm on this end... go figure.

  3. #973
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxiest View Post
    An INTP's calm is contagious. I love to just be near them.
    I think we have a great ability to be stressed out and still look smooth. Once I told my INFP co-worker I was worried about some bad things that could happen and she laughed her ass off! She was like ''You, worried?''
    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    ;-)

    In seriousness, I also find the INTPs I know to be really nice to be around. Very soothing kind of connection.

    (I've always thought it's a bit of a shame to see a nice INTP in a relationship with someone who is trying to unashamedly shoe-horn them into what they want. From the outside looking in at those relationships, I think an INTP is prone to blaming him/herself and taking a lot of responsibility for relationship troubles. Can mean the INTP ends up jumping through a lot of hoops... Without seeming to get much out of it for themselves?)
    Guilty. I need to learn how to verbalize my needs more. Still working on it.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  4. #974
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    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    (I've always thought it's a bit of a shame to see a nice INTP in a relationship with someone who is trying to unashamedly shoe-horn them into what they want. From the outside looking in at those relationships, I think an INTP is prone to blaming him/herself and taking a lot of responsibility for relationship troubles. Can mean the INTP ends up jumping through a lot of hoops... Without seeming to get much out of it for themselves?)
    Yesssss. Been there, done that.

  5. #975
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Guilty. I need to learn how to verbalize my needs more. Still working on it.
    I can only guess at the mechanics of this dynamic. And I only have a narrow window on it via a few relationships I've been witness to - but I would think it's key to not automatically blame oneself for problems relating. And to hold out for a person who genuinely appreciates more cerebral/ethereal, laidback people for who they are, rather than end up with the bossy, uptight types who see "potential". I notice that bossy types really horn in on easygoing and retiring types. And then proceed to administer their rule.

    Probably requires that a more laidback person has to assert oneself and also pursue rather then letting themselves solely be pursued. I think leaving the pursuit to the other person is a compromise some INTP men seem to make their peace with, because they don't want to pursue.

    That's not to say I think one should be static in a relationship, just that it's better if there is evidence of respect and appreciation for each other. /<pet-peeve ramble>

  6. #976
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    I can only guess at the mechanics of this dynamic. And I only have a narrow window on it via a few relationships I've been witness to - but I would think it's key to not automatically blame oneself for problems relating. And to hold out for a person who genuinely appreciates more cerebral/ethereal, laidback people for who they are, rather than end up with the bossy, uptight types who see "potential".
    Like me!

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  7. #977
    Senior Member jimrckhnd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    ;-)

    (I've always thought it's a bit of a shame to see a nice INTP in a relationship with someone who is trying to unashamedly shoe-horn them into what they want.)
    I was vulnerable to that when I was younger because in many ways I thought I was the problem - this INTP was very conscious being "different" and assumed that meant "wrong" or "immature" or "not well adjusted". As I grew older (and knew and understood a bit more) I got past this and I found that if somebody tried to change me - I just shut the relationship down. I can be very stubborn when my core values are attacked and trying to change my fundamental character is 1) an excercise in futility (I tried hard enough to change myself - why would they think they can succed where I failed? and 2) it makes the implicit judgement that I'm not good enough (else why change me?). I just got to the point where I said "no".
    Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

  8. #978
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    I think we have a great ability to be stressed out and still look smooth. Once I told my INFP co-worker I was worried about some bad things that could happen and she laughed her ass off! She was like ''You, worried?''
    Yeah. Actually, I can be rather anxious/neurotic... I'm really good at also imagining where something MIGHT go wrong, and then fret about it... but my response to feeling that way is always to keep this calm, disinterested exterior. I just typically do not see a use in flipping out and/or losing control of the situation, it would only seem to guarantee my anxieties to become realized.

    I need to learn how to verbalize my needs more. Still working on it.
    yeah, that is hard too. I usually either try to ignore my needs and adapt, or I try to take care of my needs myself. But that is not good for a relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by violaine
    can only guess at the mechanics of this dynamic. And I only have a narrow window on it via a few relationships I've been witness to - but I would think it's key to not automatically blame oneself for problems relating.
    I remember blaming myself for every problem in the relationship when I was younger. In the last number of years, there's a lot of stuff from marriage where I've realized I wasn't really any more at fault than my ex was; it's just that I was the less conventional of the two of us, so I just kind of absorbed the judgment that it was "me" who was at fault.

    And to hold out for a person who genuinely appreciates more cerebral/ethereal, laidback people for who they are, rather than end up with the bossy, uptight types who see "potential". I notice that bossy types really horn in on easygoing and retiring types.
    It can be for negative reasons ('easy pickings' to bolster their ego), or for positive reasons ('wanting to fix someone who obviously needs some help'). Of course, both have crappy results.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #979
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I've come to realize this a long time ago, but I enjoy having everything at arms reach. Where I can decide wether or not to grab a hold of things or let it go whenever I want to, this includes people.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  10. #980
    Senior Member Xyk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    I've come to realize this a long time ago, but I enjoy having everything at arms reach. Where I can decide wether or not to grab a hold of things or let it go whenever I want to, this includes people.
    I dunno about people but I totally do the same thing! I have a chair that i like to sit in in my living room and within arms reach, I keep all my D&D stuff, my laptop, my guitar, and my ukulele. My bed is similarly near stuff. I don't have to get up to grab my remote, a tissue box, my stereo remote, or my poetry journal.

    Yes, I am aware you were making a comment about how close you like people. No, I don't care.
    MBTI: INTP (PNIT if you wanna put it in order of strength.)
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    Religious Stance: (roughly) Secular Humanist
    Class: Wizard
    Stereotype: Geek/Hippie

    Also, credit for my new avatar goes to this person. I found it on the google.

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