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Thread: NTs: how often do you let someone else win?

  1. #21
    Senior Member Array InsatiableCuriosity's Avatar
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    May 2010


    If I am talking about life/work/etc, I am the least competitive person I know - at least in traditional terms of competitiveness.

    I enjoy blazing new trails and being an early adopter f technology BUT, to achieve a given end that will ultimately be to everyone's benefit, and it means that we will have a win/win situation, I will seed ideas and set things up so others feel that they have won with their own idea. I DON'T CONSIDER THAT LOSING but those I set up to win feel that it is and it makes them happy so who am I to rain on their parade so long as the given end is achieved.

    I am very patient and will patiently unravel the knots over years but would rather be influential than to win per se.
    "Study hard what interests you the most in the most undisciplined, irreverent and original manner possible."
    — Richard P. Feynman

    "Never tell a person a thing is impossible. G*d/the Universe may have been waiting all this time for someone ignorant enough of the impossibility to do just that thing."
    author unknown

  2. #22
    Pumpernickel Array
    Join Date
    Aug 2009


    Let's just say, I never "let" others win but if they truly do win by their own argument then I won't pretend like they didn't.

  3. #23
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    549 sx/sp
    LII Ni


    I had more of an issue with it when younger. I always played to win and I would even get very frustrated when people would do "stupid" things during a game, luck out, and win over my thought-out strategies (e.g., in Risk, where someone would do a completely stupid move that was obviously going to destroy them... and end up taking me out with them). This changed over time because it became less and less important for people to "know how smart I was" as some sort of egobooster, and losing a game wasn't that detrimental a thing anymore. It was just a game.

    With my eldest child, I would play him hard. Checkers, chinese checkers, chess, whatever, Stratego. Even when he was 4-5 years old I never really "threw" a game just to make him feel better. I sometimes felt bad for that because everyone else would always "let their child win" but my thinking was that, if and when he won, it would be a real victory and one he could be proud of. It was definitely an "NT honesty" thing -- I wanted his victory to be real, not contrived.

    But the more that I raised my children, the more my values there changed because I began to see that at their age it was more demoralizing to never win anything, and what I needed to do was present them with just enough challenge to push them, rather than making the mark so high that there was no way they could reach it -- and allow them enough victories to encourage them to keep trying and feeling like they were making progress. That approach seemed to be more effective.

    Of course, later, I didn't have to worry about "throwing games," the older my kids got. In fact, by the time my eldest was 10-12, I did usually still win but I would have to pull victories out of the air... I can't remember how many times I thought I was going to lose, and then he would just make one mistake and I'd end up winning anyway. It made the games very fun, and I liked the thought that my kids had become competent enough to be able to seriously challenge and potentially beat me regardless of the age difference.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #24
    Honor Thy Inferior Array Such Irony's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
    5w6 sp/so
    LII Ne


    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    I don't tend to purposely let other people win, it's more a matter of if my attention diminishes I won't care about winning myself, and sometimes I'll want the competition to just be over.

    I rarely let others win and I think some of it is because I don't like being let win myself. I want to know I won because of my competence not because someone just wants to make me feel good. As a kid when playing a game, my parents would sometimes let me win because they thought I'd be a bad sport if I didn't. I hated that.
    5w6 or 9w1 sp/so/sx, I think
    Neutral Good

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