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  1. #31
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Not an INTP but have 3 ex's who were, of which one became an ex in the past week.

    To easily explain it, their internal dialogue goes something like this:
    • Wow, I'm infatuated, crazy, can't get enough of her!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*
    • She loves me back!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*
    • But why does she love me? How can she love me with a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z faults and reason why not? If she sees a, b, c, d, she won't love me anymore, so I'd better hide them. And e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l will really turn her off, so I'd better hide them. M, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w better be hidden too. And y, z are little things, so I can let her see these.
    • God, I'm so stressed and overwhelmed hiding a - w. She doesn't really love me because she doesn't know me. Once I show her everything, she won't love me anymore, so how can she love me now?
    • I don't love her. How can I love someone who only loves someone who she doesn't know? This relationship can't work. I need some space. *withdraws*
    • Wash, rinse, repeat a few times.
    • She broke up with me. I knew she didn't love me. What went wrong? What did I do?
    yikes.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #32
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Ha ha ha. I'll humbly say that there is some truth in this.
    I'm ranting and teasing at the same time but you get where I'm coming from.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    yikes.
    It's a bit exaggerated, since there's usually only 10 - 15 letters of the alphabet involved. So don't worry.

  3. #33
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by streetlightfancy View Post
    Well I completely disagree with you about emotions being genuine simply because we feel them. But maybe that is because I am a highly emotional person with crazy mood swings, so for me a feeling receives authenticity with time. An example: In the beginning of relationships, people (or at least I... I'll try to talk for myself from now on) tend to feel very intense emotions towards their significant other. It's a classic debate of love vs. lust. I think that NFs are more likely to fall in love easily because they are less likely to try to rationalize their emotions. I'm not completely educated in the field, but even on a psychological level, we are supposed to rationalize what we feel to a certain degree (correct me if I'm wrong, but what I'm referring to is the ego, superego, id)
    you're right about rationalizing first what we feel, however I'm not sure we are on the same page as far as what is genuine or not. Love is one of these words that has almost become dirty if you do not use it properly or assume you are in love too soon or before a certain period of time or by someone else's standards. Definitively it is a feeling of strong affection and attachment. That's it. Signals and mental electricity, much like anything else you think and feel. If you feel that way about someone, why wouldn't it be legitimate? If your perception and consciousness are your only proof of existence, something that alters it so greatly should never be discounted as unreal or a falsehood until it has been run through a filter of some sort.

    Even if the feelings don't last or you are forced to break yourself away from them, it doesn't change the fact that they were at some point in time what you felt or what you wanted and when it leaves you it doesn't mean it wasn't at some point real.

    This is on par with that acronym for fear that some of us know. False evidence appearing real. Well, it's a cheery idea, but if it changes your perception the feeling is still genuine whether the threat is or not.

    I think I'm getting things off track, I just wanted to speak my mind about where I'm coming from.

  4. #34
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Not an INTP but have 3 ex's who were, of which one became an ex in the past week.

    To easily explain it, their internal dialogue goes something like this:
    • Wow, I'm infatuated, crazy, can't get enough of her!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*
    • She loves me back!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*
    • But why does she love me? How can she love me with a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z faults and reason why not? If she sees a, b, c, d, she won't love me anymore, so I'd better hide them. And e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l will really turn her off, so I'd better hide them. M, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w better be hidden too. And y, z are little things, so I can let her see these.
    • God, I'm so stressed and overwhelmed hiding a - w. She doesn't really love me because she doesn't know me. Once I show her everything, she won't love me anymore, so how can she love me now?
    • I don't love her. How can I love someone who only loves someone who she doesn't know? This relationship can't work. I need some space. *withdraws*
    • Wash, rinse, repeat a few times.
    • She broke up with me. I knew she didn't love me. What went wrong? What did I do?
    It can also go like this, however:

    **Wow, I can't get enough of her (as a friend)!! She's so cool! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*

    **She likes hanging out with me too!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*

    **Wait, I think she might be starting to fall in love with me.

    **Uh oh, she's in love with me.

    **I could never be in love with her because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z. It just would never work. Can't she see that? We're not right for each other! Can't she just be my friend? We were having so much fun together as friends.

    **She doesn't understand why I want to hang out with her but I'm not in love with her. I know, I'll explain it to her. "OK, check this out. I really dig you as a person. But, we're not right for each other for a lot of reasons." She: What reasons are those? INTP: Well, of course! In the name of honesty, I'm not in love with you because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z.

    **Uh oh. She hates me now. What did I do? I was just trying to explain and show respect by being honest so that she would understand.

    **Let me call and see if she wants to hang out tonight. Uh, oh. She really does hate me. Doesn't want anything to do with me. I guess she wasn't my true friend to begin with. She was only in it for what she might be able to gain from it. Ugh!



    As you can see, everything is working things out with some sort of reasoning.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  5. #35
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    It can also go like this, however:

    **Wow, I can't get enough of her (as a friend)!! She's so cool! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*

    **She likes hanging out with me too!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*

    **Wait, I think she might be starting to fall in love with me.

    **Uh oh, she's in love with me.

    **I could never be in love with her because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z. It just would never work. Can't she see that? We're not right for each other! Can't she just be my friend? We were having so much fun together as friends.

    **She doesn't understand why I want to hang out with her but I'm not in love with her. I know, I'll explain it to her. "OK, check this out. I really dig you as a person. But, we're not right for each other for a lot of reasons." She: What reasons are those? INTP: Well, of course! In the name of honesty, I'm not in love with you because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z.

    **Uh oh. She hates me now. What did I do? I was just trying to explain and show respect by being honest so that she would understand.

    **Let me call and see if she wants to hang out tonight. Uh, oh. She really does hate me. Doesn't want anything to do with me. I guess she wasn't my true friend to begin with. She was only in it for what she might be able to gain from it. Ugh!



    As you can see, everything is working things out with some sort of reasoning.
    Yes, that's possible too, although in the 3 instances, not that way. I never admit to the nasty L word until my partner does first!

  6. #36
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by streetlightfancy View Post
    Well I completely disagree with you about emotions being genuine simply because we feel them. I think that it is easier for NTs to see beyond the rush of emotions that people feel from one moment to the next and base their "decision" (decision is not the right word because it makes it sound like love is conscious choice, but roll with me here) of love on the big picture.

    Do we mean "genuine" in the sense of honest expression/acknowledgement versus delusions? Or in the sense of "not fleeting"?

    My feelings tend to be pretty strong and steady once they are awakened. But the idea that rational choice has any effect is bizarre to me. I have certainly been unhappily in love before, and if I could have turned if off with a thought, I would have, believe me! I could barely make the kind of good decisions (avoiding person, etc) which in time could lead to changes in feeling...
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
    - Umberto Eco

    INTP e9 (sx/so/sp)
    Ti = Ne (41.3) > Si (31.2) ~ Ni (31.1) ~ Te (30.1) > Se (24.1) >> Fe (21) & Fi (20.1)

  7. #37
    Senior Member Stevo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    It can also go like this, however:

    **Wow, I can't get enough of her (as a friend)!! She's so cool! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*

    **She likes hanging out with me too!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*

    **Wait, I think she might be starting to fall in love with me.

    **Uh oh, she's in love with me.

    **I could never be in love with her because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z. It just would never work. Can't she see that? We're not right for each other! Can't she just be my friend? We were having so much fun together as friends.

    **She doesn't understand why I want to hang out with her but I'm not in love with her. I know, I'll explain it to her. "OK, check this out. I really dig you as a person. But, we're not right for each other for a lot of reasons." She: What reasons are those? INTP: Well, of course! In the name of honesty, I'm not in love with you because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z.

    **Uh oh. She hates me now. What did I do? I was just trying to explain and show respect by being honest so that she would understand.

    **Let me call and see if she wants to hang out tonight. Uh, oh. She really does hate me. Doesn't want anything to do with me. I guess she wasn't my true friend to begin with. She was only in it for what she might be able to gain from it. Ugh!



    As you can see, everything is working things out with some sort of reasoning.
    This is happening right now with me. I don't like the situation.

  8. #38
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    No--I used to crush easily when I was younger, but don't anymore. Definitely don't fall in love easily.
    This. And even back then (I'm talking teen years) crushing was not that easy, just in comparison.
    Where are posters meeting these INTPs?
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
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  9. #39
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    I actually had to ask one of my friends what it felt like for them to be in love. I still cant tell if someone is attracted to me or scared of me (I'm the type of INTP who's actually a tall black guy)

    As for all the inner dialogue Metaphor mentioned:

    You need an active devil's advocate to get you past the list of things. And honesty. If i ever get caught in emotionally tricky positions, i just go off of that. I have had conversations about what i consider "flaws" with people i consider "drop deap hotties". Especially being an INTP, you have to accept the things you cannot change. And you can't accept someone else if you keep changing yourself (hiding true self and whatnot)

    In the end, love can't be rationalized.

  10. #40
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Love is rare but when it happens it tends to happen much more quickly than I would chose. Like driving a Porsche going 0 to 60 in 4 seconds. Lotsa torque.

    Falling out of love consistently takes too long. I may recovery from the romantic trance and gain my barrings faster than my partner but that core love will remain and haunt me for years...even after the lover is gone...maybe in some degree, forever.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

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