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  1. #1
    Senior Member MoneyTick's Avatar
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    Default ENTJs: How easy is it for you to give the cold shoulder?

    In relationships:

    When things go sour - do you pound the gavel of your wrath by saying goodbye and never looking back even once?

    If you catch your partner cheat on you - do you delete his/her number from your phone, de-friend them on Facebook, cease and desist communication FOREVER - without even hearing the other side of the story?

    I would do the above, but what would you do?

    When your partner takes you for a ride - can you pledge that the only thing your partner can apologize to is the cold shoulder?

    Can you walk out the door, as fast as you came in --- AND NEVER REMEMBER YOU WERE EVEN THERE?

    Although I've been in a few relationships that ended sour - the girls are coming back!

    I really don't feel like answering the door.

    Can ENTJs really lock away their feelings, and throw away the key?

    Is this a gift or a curse, or am I the only one?

    Do we even remember how to cry?

    Above all,

    Is it best to forgive - or forget?

  2. #2
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    Intp here, but my exwife cheated. It made sense in the context of the relationship. Istj-intp incompatibility. At the end of it, I got to dictate the terms of the divorce (so no lingering resentments) and I put in some effort to maintain a friendly relationship because I've invested so much in the relationships.

  3. #3
    Giggity Vie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MoneyTick View Post
    In relationships:

    When things go sour - do you pound the gavel of your wrath by saying goodbye and never looking back even once?

    If you catch your partner cheat on you - do you delete his/her number from your phone, de-friend them on Facebook, cease and desist communication FOREVER - without even hearing the other side of the story?

    I would do the above, but what would you do?

    When your partner takes you for a ride - can you pledge that the only thing your partner can apologize to is the cold shoulder?

    Can you walk out the door, as fast as you came in --- AND NEVER REMEMBER YOU WERE EVEN THERE?

    Although I've been in a few relationships that ended sour - the girls are coming back!

    I really don't feel like answering the door.

    Can ENTJs really lock away their feelings, and throw away the key?

    Is this a gift or a curse, or am I the only one?

    Do we even remember how to cry?

    Above all,

    Is it best to forgive - or forget?
    In all relationships, aside from the one who ended it with me, I've been able to walk away and NEVER look back. I don't necessarily want to cease all contact with them out of pain, more I don't see the point. That is unless they are friend material, in which case yes, I'll still speak to them.

    One guy cheated on me. I made him look like the bitch he was at a party and then deleted him from every aspect of my life within hours, while he sputtered about trying to figure out what just happened.

    I find that I can remain emotionally detached in most cases with people once they have burned me. I forgive them, but I do not forget. Then again, this is with people who I hadn't allowed fully under my armor yet, so it didn't really concern me when they left, ergo it's perceived that I'm giving the cold shoulder.

    However, to the people I do let in? I find it incredibly difficult to stay away from. It's both a gift AND a curse. It allows us to move forward in life with out becoming quivering heaps of feelings, but at times it can leave us incredibly....alone.

  4. #4
    Senior Member MoneyTick's Avatar
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    Vievamemuisque, I gotta say were similar. Especially the last word
    of your post.

    My social life is this: go out to a party; bar, get together etc... Meet at least 20-40 people and have a 20 minute conversation with each - have a blast And THATS IT

    no really close friends, just a zillion aquaintances Which can of course lead to being alone despite my uniqe ability to make friends so fast.

    I guess it applies to relationships as well. It starts out great, then gets better then goes downhill

    And ironically I end up like your avatar

    The bird on the sign is my ex, the bird on top is me ...

    Still it may be lonely at the top, but the view is phenomenal

  5. #5
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    It's both a gift AND a curse. It allows us to move forward in life with out becoming quivering heaps of feelings, but at times it can leave us incredibly....alone.
    This says it all.

    First this happens...

    Quote Originally Posted by MoneyTick View Post
    Still it may be lonely at the top, but the view is phenomenal
    .. then this happens.

  6. #6
    Pumpernickel
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    When I was younger I would just cut people out entirely for stupid little things, but now I try to be more forgiving (or at least get back at them in a horrible public way before cutting them out).

    Not a problem cutting people out, I tend to forget them quite quickly and don't dwell.

  7. #7
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    However, to the people I do let in? I find it incredibly difficult to stay away from. It's both a gift AND a curse. It allows us to move forward in life with out becoming quivering heaps of feelings, but at times it can leave us incredibly....alone.
    This has been my experience as an INTJ as well.
    Quote Originally Posted by MoneyTick View Post
    My social life is this: go out to a party; bar, get together etc... Meet at least 20-40 people and have a 20 minute conversation with each - have a blast And THATS IT

    no really close friends, just a zillion aquaintances Which can of course lead to being alone despite my uniqe ability to make friends so fast.

    Still it may be lonely at the top, but the view is phenomenal.
    The underlined is phenomenal -- would make a good signature line. I don't bother with the highlighted; to me that's a bother, not a blast. Fortunately, I have a couple close friends, one of whom is ENTJ.

  8. #8
    Giggity Vie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MoneyTick View Post

    And ironically I end up like your avatar

    The bird on the sign is my ex, the bird on top is me ...

    Still it may be lonely at the top, but the view is phenomenal
    Mhm. I find that those who walk away from me whether romantically or in friendship...well, it bothers me. I can't walk away from them. Which is odd considering in every other aspect of life, I am a cold hearted bitch.

  9. #9
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustHer View Post
    When I was younger I would just cut people out entirely for stupid little things, but now I try to be more forgiving (or at least get back at them in a horrible public way before cutting them out).
    Hoho, I used to do that too. I had a best friend in middle school, and at a point I realized all we ever talked about was boys! So I said: "I can't see you anymore, Karen. All we talk about is boys. I think we should take a break." Haven't talked to her since. Don't even get me started about getting back at people. I was a terrible kid. Even if they didn't do stuff on purpose, I felt like the damage was done and I had to punish them. I hope I've grown since then.

    For me, there's no difference between walking away from a romantic relationships or deep friendships. I've done both. The total amount of pain is the same. The way I deal with loss is to cut people out of my mind, my life. The more they meant to me, the harder I have to slam that door.

    I'll be in shock for a few days, depending on how deep our relationship was. Then I'll start to block them out of my mind, very successfully. And I never look back. I don't dwell and I don't remissness about the "good times". I just keep pushing forward. Any other direction is uncomfortable. It can be hard sometimes, but I don't really care.

    I think that might be the reason why I find saying goodbye sad. I can get quite chocked up about it. Because when I say goodbye to you, I mean it. You cease to exist. At least in my reality.

  10. #10
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Most ENTJs who have strong Te can shut down relationships and move on, once they've ascertained that there's no hope. This doesn't mean they don't experience pain and hurt.

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