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  1. #31

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    I think the most important thing to remember with people who repeat mistakes is to consider their intentions. Are they trying to fix something? Trying to understand and just aren't quite there yet? Don't give up on someone who cares enough about you to genuinely try to come from your angle.

    INFJ's have some beautiful insights about this... "People don't heal/learn/grow/ on your time table. Give them the room to learn at their pace." I know. I know. That's hard when you see someone you care about banging their head against a brick wall, but it doesn't necessarily mean they are nincompoops. It could mean they care about you enough to compromise and find a solution.

    If someone hurts you, tell them. People have many boundaries. MANY. And ENTJ's (God love em!) tend to cross them on accident a lot by wanting to move forward NOW! Deep breaths... pull back some... look at it from a different perspective. Always look at the intention. And remember a warrior's lesson... when to retreat and regroup to win a battle.

    I've seen so many of this type torture themselves with this. I just want to hug them. ::blink blink::
    "We ascribe beauty to that which is simple; which has no superfluous parts; which exactly answers its end; which stands related to all things; which is the mean of many extremes." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  2. #32
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    Standard procedure is an excellent way of putting it. For example, in the past week I've had a friend seriously mess up countless times. Over and over, and although I'm not one for many chances, I kept giving them because I cared.
    But I woke up yesterday morning, and I said to myself...what in the hell? It never takes me this long to cut the cord. So I've cut that person out and they will stay out.

    I give a second chance, sometimes a third one, but if you keep burning me, I'm going to set you on fire and walk away.
    "Greg, have I explained the Circle of Trust to you? Because once you're out, you're out. There's no getting back in." :1377:
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  3. #33

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    "Greg, have I explained the Circle of Trust to you? Because once you're out, you're out. There's no getting back in." :1377:
    I have that for my creative ventures. It's drawn in my journal. People who I know I can trust with my most prized goals. Who want the best for me. And I know that without a shadow of a doubt they believe in my future. How different are people really? Sorry, I wonder out loud and interrupt, huh? Continue guys... I like to see what you have to say.
    "We ascribe beauty to that which is simple; which has no superfluous parts; which exactly answers its end; which stands related to all things; which is the mean of many extremes." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  4. #34
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    50/50. Usually pretty easy but at times I do feel the need to explain myself and legitimize why I'm not doing whatever it is the other party wants me to do (or not do).

  5. #35
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Instantaneously.

    I can shut people out of my life like turning off a light switch if I feel it necessary.

    If such ability is used destructively it is referred to as "stonewalling", right?

    But - if it's a matter of eliminating a toxic person from interacting with you, it is a fantastic tool.
    --------------------
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  6. #36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Instantaneously.

    I can shut people out of my life like turning off a light switch if I feel it necessary.

    If such ability is used destructively it is referred to as "stonewalling", right?

    But - if it's a matter of eliminating a toxic person from interacting with you, it is a fantastic tool.
    I can do this too, although there's been one person which I wasnt able to keep it up with most of the time its easy and I think it is a good thing for exact reason that you mention.

    Sure some people are learning and sure they may be on a different time table you other people but some people are just toxic, very, very resistant to any kind of learning or reflection, their entire personality or character structure could militate against any kind of learning and your interaction with them will only wasting your time and entrenching their behaviour.

    I'm prepared to believe that there's some saintly sorts of people, the opposite of the toxics who can repeatedly detox others without tiring or paying forward any hurt but they are few and far between.

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