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  1. #11
    Giggity Vie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Most ENTJs who have strong Te can shut down relationships and move on, once they've ascertained that there's no hope. This doesn't mean they don't experience pain and hurt.

    I must not have a very strong Te then. But it really just depends on how invested in the person I was.

    As a kid, I also used to "get back at people" in horrible ways. I think I've gotten better as I've grown up but I still think about what I wish I could do. But I don't end up doing it usually, I tend to just walk away.

    But ooooh, I'm thinking it.

  2. #12
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    I must not have a very strong Te then. But it really just depends on how invested in the person I was.
    Note the reference to pain and hurt. Don't know about anyone else but I still feel the pain and hurt of walking away from someone I still care about. But when you know there's no long-term compatibility, better to end it sooner since further investment equates to greater pain. This is a rational judgment call.

  3. #13
    Senior Member bcubchgo's Avatar
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    maybe this is just an extension of my normally anal-retentive personality, but I try to make sure that if I give someone the cold shoulder that clearly explain what I am thinking about. I also try to let them down easy, since being an emotionless dick is not very nice.

    There have been some relationships that I've initiated the breakup and I still think about the person here and there. I've never gone any further than that though. If I think that the relationship has hit a brick wall for some reason then I usually just let it go. In rare cases, I may revisit the decision I made and or rehash it in my brain, but that's about it.

  4. #14
    Giggity Vie's Avatar
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    Question...

    When you are the one being ignored, how you all react?

  5. #15
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    Question...

    When you are the one being ignored, how you all react?
    Same process. If not faster. When I realized I don't have any power, control or say in a matter, I lose the ability to care or the will to try. I just don't bother. My mind just wanders to the next thing.. When I'm sitting in a plane, I won't bother being worried or scared and sitting by the window looking out, because I can't control if the plane is gonna crash or not anyway.

    But initially, it hurts like thousand bee-stings. And I'll be like WHY! I MUST FIX! But when that door is being shut in my face, I turn my back to it. Or my shoulder. *brr*

  6. #16
    Giggity Vie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salt n' pepper View Post
    Same process. If not faster. When I realized I don't have any power, control or say in a matter, I lose the ability to care or the will to try. I just don't bother. My mind just wanders to the next thing.. When I'm sitting in a plane, I won't bother being worried or scared and sitting by the window looking out, because I can't control if the plane is gonna crash or not anyway.

    But initially, it hurts like thousand bee-stings. And I'll be like WHY! I MUST FIX! But when that door is being shut in my face, I turn my back to it. Or my shoulder. *brr*
    I'm this exact way. Only I don't know how to turn away from it. If I don't know why, it literally drives me loony. I think it's the worse pain in the world, personally.

    I try not to ignore people because of that feeling of not knowing why someone is giving the cold shoulder -- unless the reason is clear.

  7. #17
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    Question...

    When you are the one being ignored, how you all react?
    This depends. Say I was dumped or a friend were to turn a cold shoulder, I would want explanations. If those explanations weren't forthcoming, the cold shoulder would be returned.

    If a cold shoulder is received from someone I had no investment in, no big deal. Then I would ignore them back.

  8. #18
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    I'm this exact way. Only I don't know how to turn away from it. If I don't know why, it literally drives me loony. I think it's the worse pain in the world, personally.

    I try not to ignore people because of that feeling of not knowing why someone is giving the cold shoulder -- unless the reason is clear.
    Oh yeah. Not knowing is the worst! THE WORST! I just wanna know, you know. What's the deal. Tell me, make up you mind, so I can make a decision already. (I was with a P, too).

    But I didn't know giving the cold shoulder meant not giving a reason as to WHY you're doing it, unless it's obvious. If I didn't know the absolute bottom line-reason WHY, I'd probably wouldn't be so graceful. Probably would demand an answer first and try to fix the problems. But again, if I can see that it's a lost cause, I'd detach and move on. I don't deal well with grey areas in relationships. Don't have the dexterity or energy.

    Edit: all of the above is applied to someone I care about. If I didn't care, I probably wouldn't notice.

  9. #19
    Giggity Vie's Avatar
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    I'm with a p as well. Infuriating most of the time.

    The only way I can relate it to is like a cat who gets their tail stepped on. Hissing in anger and whimpering in pain as I claw the person to death. Bahaha.

  10. #20
    Senior Member MoneyTick's Avatar
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    The more they meant to me, the harder I have to slam that door.
    Dammit, that's true. Its really supposed to be the opposite - but I guess were unique. Yes, for some odd reason the more I loved, the harsher I must say chau!

    I'll be in shock for a few days
    Ya, like I just got struck by lightning and I really DO NOT know WTH is going on with me - right on! But only for 1-3 days.

    Then I'll start to block them out of my mind, very successfully. And I never look back.
    This after, and yes quite successfully. I recover from my confusion and move on.

    I don't dwell and I don't remissness about the "good times". I just keep pushing forward. Any other direction is uncomfortable. It can be hard sometimes, but I don't really care.
    The more I push out the old "good-times," the easier it is to push forward.
    Because when I say goodbye to you, I mean it. You cease to exist. At least in my reality.
    This my ultimate and default goal of an ended relationship.
    When you are the one being ignored, how you all react?
    THIS IS THE #1 REASON THAT 99% OF ALL OF MY PRIOR RELATIONSHIPS ENDED OVER !!

    I don't know why, but sometimes I feel as if I'm being ignored. Momentary cease of communication may be part of a healthy relationship, or it could signal something else is going on!

    I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DISCERN! That's my problem.

    The word "ignored" is the label attached to all prior affairs. I try to find out why I feel this way - but I never get a straight answer. Then I just call it quits.



    Well, fellow ENTJs when it comes to affairs I suppose our lack of discernment and cold unforgiving endings may very well be our "tragic flaw"

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