User Tag List

First 12

Results 11 to 16 of 16

Thread: Help!

  1. #11
    Senior Member Lucas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    108

    Default

    The part that makes me so clingy and irrationally attached is because I don't know what it is that he wants or where he sees this going -- or how I should go about confronting him about it. If I push too hard, it seems that he shuts down emotionally. Rather frightening actually.
    Not sure how to address the rest, but this seems straightforward. When you push the issue, it probably seems to him like you are trying to force him to come to a decision on something he has not fully thought out yet. So he refuses to engage in order to buy time to think.

    The best way to engage may be to just explore the question, and provide whatever opinion you have, explaining why, and trying to get him to respond to bits and pieces, rather than requiring him to produce a coherent whole. That way you will be able to piece together at least a bit of what he thinks.

  2. #12
    ReflecTcelfeR
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    As an INTP, do you at times become emotionally...stonewall? Like I've seen him be there for me and lets me see the real him. But it seems as though he is trying to prove something to me as well by this....lack of a better word, wall.

    For example. A guy sent me flowers and I had no idea who. He asked me, "Who sent YOU flowers?" "I was just as surprised as you, don't worry." "You obviously know it wasn't me...are you dating anyone?" "No, I don't date." "What?" "I see people, I don't date."
    "Oh right. You don't date, you see people, and oh wait there is that kid I occasionally f***." Then for the next couple days, he was real short with me.

    I wasn't quite sure what to say to this, but to me it seemed as though he was slightly hurt. I don't really know as in the four years I've known him, I still don't have him pegged. You INTPs stump me, bahaha.

    The part that makes me so clingy and irrationally attached is because I don't know what it is that he wants or where he sees this going -- or how I should go about confronting him about it. If I push too hard, it seems that he shuts down emotionally. Rather frightening actually.
    I only 'stone wall' someone if I don't want to talk about what I'm feeling yet, out of lack of understanding, not to prove a point. His actions seem cruel. Judging you for who you are and statements like that, in my opinion, are only warranted if asked for, that just seems unnecessary. I see those statements as an extreme form of jealousy. I don't really know how I would've acted to those statements, maybe with casual disregard, but my second action would be an extreme burst of all the faults that I found in the other person. I would tell him that if he doesn't tell you what he wants then I'm not going to try and guess.

  3. #13
    Senior Member bcubchgo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    164

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    The part that makes me so clingy and irrationally attached is because I don't know what it is that he wants or where he sees this going -- or how I should go about confronting him about it. If I push too hard, it seems that he shuts down emotionally. Rather frightening actually.
    At least he is still with you rather than abandoning you even if he is not totally forthcoming. I can sympathize with your predicament. While it might be emotionally confusing to be attracted to him because you feel like he is a puzzle you can solve - it would be much worse if he had decided to shut you down completely, for good. At least you probably have the ability to sit down and talk to him heart to heart. Still, it is difficult when you realize you are pushing somebody away with clingy and demanding behavior, since it is the natural way that you want to express affection, however neurotic it might appear. It's the ruse we all have to deal with.

  4. #14
    Giggity Vie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    8
    Posts
    792

    Default

    So how do I bring up honest issues without pushing him away as if I seem clingy?

    That's the predicament I'm in -- because I know that if I say something that is considered clingy he will bolt or shut down.

    I'm rather useless when it comes to these things -- the answer may be simple, and I'm just to romantically inept to know what it is.

  5. #15
    ReflecTcelfeR
    Guest

    Default

    If he wants this relationship to work I'd imagine that 'honest' issues, any way they are brought up, should not scare him away.

  6. #16
    Senior Member bcubchgo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    164

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by vieamemusique View Post
    So how do I bring up honest issues without pushing him away as if I seem clingy?

    That's the predicament I'm in -- because I know that if I say something that is considered clingy he will bolt or shut down.

    I'm rather useless when it comes to these things -- the answer may be simple, and I'm just to romantically inept to know what it is.
    I think the best you can do is just be yourself without going over the top. Just don't completely suppress your inner nature if it doesn't seem true to yourself. However, if you find a calm and non-confrontational spot to work things out in, try that first. Sometimes it is hard to find the patience that you need to sit out for a while instead of accidentally bringing up an ENTJ emotion-based reaction. I don't know if I have the answer - if you try the above and he still isn't reacting well to you then I don't know if there is much else you can try. being patient is the key, most likely, even though that isn't always how we operate.

Similar Threads

  1. Help figuring out your type?
    By SolitaryWalker in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 354
    Last Post: 09-25-2012, 12:12 PM
  2. Help me type Dog the Bounty Hunter
    By cafe in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 07-19-2011, 01:42 PM
  3. [MBTItm] Help Understanding my ESFX Cousin
    By Varelse in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 06-09-2007, 06:13 AM
  4. Help--How to Keep from Sleeping in Class!
    By rivercrow in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 05-21-2007, 01:51 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO