I want advice. Good advice.
My life is a fucking mess. I haven't really worked in over a year. I don't know what I want, both immediately and long term. I like the idea of having a family but I'm also obsessed with spirituality and meditative-like disciplines.
I have family problems. My mom thinks I'm nuts for trying to help her become happier. She thinks I'm all wrong but I know I'm not. I think it's a long process that isn't easy at first as you give up your addictions and confront fears. I try to help her and have helped both my brothers, but I don't know if my way is the best way. I think it's good. Related to this, I don't trust anyone's opinion unless they can prove to me that they're better at understanding people than I am, or, better at understanding motivations and outcomes. You can call it wisdom. It sounds incredibly arrogant, I know, but I think I'm good at it, having practiced and contemplated this stuff for years. I think I've become really good at helping others and have references to prove it. But that knowledge doesn't translate into action for me.
Part of the problem is that I just don't manage to pull things together. I have opportunities, but I neglect them. I don't ever make decisions and step forward, I just circle around and around with everything up in the air. It's not that I can't, it's that I don't, but who knows, maybe I can't. I look at people I admire--Einstein, Feynman, Buddha--and I see how much they accomplished through dedication. I just can't get it together and don't even know where to start. Psychology? Spirituality? Legal reform? I have no fucking idea.
I struggle with fears and authenticity. I've come a long, long way, but I still have a lot to go in the way of self-forgiveness and faith. (Faith that things will be okay.)
I need some advice. I won't just strike down your suggestions, but I will listen critically. I am thinking of taking a trip somewhere far away and being alone for a while. Also, no pity, please. It makes me uncomfortable. Thanks in advance. Even if you don't have advice, I'd appreciate your thoughts. Also, please no MBTI talk. Sorry, thanks.