Society is an enormous pain. Have you read a book titled "Ishmael", by Daniel Quinn? It's about society/culture and things along that line. I loved it. I woke up one morning and read through the 250 page book in a couple of hours. I love it.
This problem is kind of hard to explain in words.
I have this fear that most people really don't like me and are just hanging out with me for other reasons.
No matter how self-confident I feel in other matters, I just don't think I'm a very likable person. I have strong social skills and people usually laugh at my jokes. I can bring life and fun to a social situation but I still fear that people still don't like me because I'm missing some important attributes..I don't entirely know what those are.
I can be a little obnoxious at times and sometimes insult others without the intention of hurting their feelings.
A lot of it stems from being in a relationship which lasted much longer than it should have- it turned out she wanted to breakup for a while but didn't want to hurt my feelings...so instead she got more distant and pissy (maybe hoping I'd be the one to initiate the breakup- since admittedly she was acting in ways which made the relationship much less fun) until she finally got some guts and did it herself, since I was determined to work through whatever and wasn't so eager to end things.
I'm happy things ended now but at the time, I was devastated.
I was bullied as a child- but that was expected because I was a scrawny smartass and pissed off people easily.
Some of it also stems from the fact that my college social life is radically different from my high school social life. The friends I made in high school are my friends based on similar interests and having a good time with them. While I have made some friends like that in college, I'm friends with some of them solely because of being part of the same fraternity. I'm just grateful that (for now) it seems like virtually everyone in the frat considers me to be a friend as I consider each one to be a friend. One guy recently turned out to be a jackass though and I worry..
I'm just amazed that what has happened recently has left me a little insecure..especially because I only know her via online.
I've been having some really wonderful conversations with this girl who happens to go to my university. She recently sent me an email saying she won't be as available to chat anymore. The first thought that goes through my mind is.. "Oh shit, what if I said or did something to make her hate/dislike me?" The thing that really bothers me is that if I did do anything wrong- I have no idea what it is. She could just be busier or something but still I tend to assume the worst in these cases.
I tend to be a huge pessimist in this respect...
I know it's long and unorganized but any thoughts? Fi is probably my weakest function, so while I'm good at knowing how people feel from what they show me- I'm not as good at figuring out what people feel about me. I know most people think positive things about me but I don't know about how they feel.
Another scary thing I've realized is that I feel I can live a life of being single for the rest of my life- but I feel that it's not normal to think this way and I have to keep in mind that one of my main reasons for thinking this is because I've been hurt in the past.
Well, you're kind of in my shoes - slightly.
We are totally identical in the fact that we really don't know how to fully discern what people are telling us.
When it comes to relationships, my ability to understand the underlying meaning of every text, phone call or conversation is completely sabotaged.
First thoughts: to appreciate your world, you have to be honest with yourself, that's the first step. If you don't think you're a "very likable person", self-confidence in any area is only a facade you're putting up for yourself. You have to deconstruct those barriers to be able to reconstruct your foundation of self-appreciation before anything else. Just admit that you're not confident and try processing those negative feeligns without sinking into depression. Why do you clinge to past grievance? What is it that you can't handle? What attributes are you missing, and how can you be better in them? After this, you can start rethinking your inner world, which may temporarily screw up your outer facade. If you don't feel like it, don't try to be the center of the party until you've resolved these conflicts in yourself, try to handle them in a mature and responsible way instead, that is very attractive in itself, I find.
Try to find the situations where you hurt someone or where you're annoyed and break them down in all honesty, they might tell you a lot more about yourself than about the people you're criticizing. Nosce te ipsum. Why didn't the relationship work? What do you have to change? Don't be afraid to ask for help from an outsider, your friends or a counselor or whatever. Appreciate the lessons you've learned instead of pointing out her behavior before parting ways. You might have many "friends", but are they there for you in times of trouble? Start building up meaningful relationships by being honestly curious, imagine everybody as a single microcosm to be explored, struggling with their pasts, just like you.
Don't ask the girl about her reasons, try to find a way to contact her again, and if she declines, let it go. There are tons of reasons for her behavior. She's the guest in your world and you're the gift she has to obtain, not vice versa.
Originally Posted by Mondo
Another scary thing I've realized is that I feel I can live a life of being single for the rest of my life- but I feel that it's not normal to think this way
It is, if you're an introvert. You might want to reconsider your type.