I was grocery shopping late the other night. As I was walking past the beer section I saw the hottest girl I've ever seen in my life, dressed very nicely. I literally think I lost my breath for a second. Ever since my recent breakup, I haven't been finding girls as attractive as I once did and this moment just slapped me in the face and brought me back to reality. What random timing too. So I act busy while checking her out for a while as she is slowly looking at the beer selection (I don't think she noticed me yet). Besides her perfect body, face, and hair, the way she was carrying herself was so magnetic. You could've told me this girl was a model and I wouldn't have been surprised. Based on how she was acting, it seemed like she might be an ENFP (which always intrigue me). Her movements were so sexy, and she was taking forever to decide on what to get, and her body language and face seemed very friendly and approachable. I tend to mentally “hunt” ENFPs females just for fun, even when I was in a relationship, so I've gotten good at it. So I walk down a few aisles, and I can't stop thinking about her. This girl is a unanimous 10/10 and can have any guy in the world (I have been told I'm like a 7, but I have been hit on by what I would call 8's), so I feel silly for even thinking about all of this. Usually I would just ignore it and move on, but something inside me begged me to go up and talk to her. WTF. Never have done that with a girl this hot, nor do I do it very much with other girls since I wait for them to approach me. She was definitely out of my league, so for an INTJ to ignore that fact and want to talk to her was really weird for me. I never approach strangers and make small talk, but my legs turned me around and I was filled with confidence (I was wearing nice clothes and had worked out earlier and felt good, thank god). I really think it was because I had convinced myself that she was an ENFP and since I've met so many that are just somehow drawn to me, I figured I had some sort of secret advantage.
So I go to her aisle and look at the beers, and made a comment about the selection and she was very receptive to initiating this “small talk”. So I keep talking about beer for a bit and at this point I realize that she is definitely an ENFP. So then I start talking about decision making and my love of possibilities and bla bla, and she was like omg me too bla bla. She knew more about beer than the average person, but still nowhere near my expertise which I feel I impressed her with. Then she started taking control of the conversation and I used my sense of humor to make her laugh some. I thought to myself this must be a dream. So at the end I told her my name and she told me hers, shook hands, and then I said it was really nice having a fun random conversation, and that I should get going. I don't know why I did this. I could've kept the conversation going but I was so shocked at how smooth I was to this bombshell and wanted out ASAP! What the hell. Why was that my reaction? Instead of taking what seemed like a 1 out of 1,000,000 chance and asking her out or something, I chose to protect my ego. This didn't give me any benefit, while the payoff of going out with this girl would be like winning the lottery. I think I assumed that she couldn't be single or be interested in me, but now I'm kicking myself. Even though she was a lot better looking than me, maybe she was so attracted to my personality that it made up for it? I've heard that ENFPs value personality very much over looks after a certain point, so that's why I'm thinking that.
I guess I'm looking for people to tell me whether she was just being flirty and friendly and that I did the right thing, or that I was stupid not to take a chance of a lifetime. I want to change how I approach something like this. Any fellow NTs with tips? When I want to I can be relatively smooth with girls (especially for an INTJ), but they have always been in the same league as me physically. I want to be able to jump to the big league.
a few points...
-There is no way you are sure shes an ENFP thats wishful thinking. She could be an ESFP.
-You did good with the initiation, but you did sort of flop when it mattered. If you really are interested in this girl the best you can really hope for now is to bump into her again, which is likely if you shop in the same place. just don't go all INTJ and plan this all out, if you go at her with an agenda she is gonna smell it. Just be yourself and show her what you are and let her decide.
-You are very insecure with certain things, but you are also realistic. So thats good. Don't worry if shes an 8 or a 9, just do your best and hope for the best. I have gone out with very physically attractive girls, they generally just want to be treated as nice as any other girl, so don't make such a big deal out of the looks aspect. Women consider far more then just looks, men are a little obsessed with looks. I stand guilty as well, I am no different. For such a sensitive and deep guy I can be remarkably shallow at times.
my advice, just keep buying beer. Next time it should be better and easier since the ice is already broken. Just be honest and say something like "hey listen, I dont want to sound weird or anything, but I was really kicking myself for not at least trying to get your phone number last time, I thought you were very charming and very attractive." at which point you should see what her reaction is, and if its horror let it go, if shes smiling intently, say "well, here we are again, I wont make the same mistake. Or something to that effect,
But I know a bunch of INTJ's and I know how stalkerish and creepy you lot can get, so dont overplay your hand.
And dont use words like "hunt" aimed at females on this forum, if youre trying to get the ladies opinions, you are probably just pissing them off... and all the other silly boys who are trying to woo them will come down on you too.
But being that youre a fellow brother in Ni I am just tossing in my 2 bits.
I'm amused by him saying he wants to jump into the big league.
Yep, me, too. I really hope most guys don't think like this.
Originally Posted by Rebe
Oh my god - that was overblown thinking. Don't assume a person's a certain type within minutes of meeting her. She could be INFP, you know. Be interested in the person, don't move so fast. Concentrate on the moment. Enjoy the conversation. Take chances and ask for numbers/emails/facebook. Feel the vibes/gut feelings. Enjoy it. Don't worry so much. You will make tons of mistakes. That's all. Dont play to win the game or win a higher league, whatever you mean. Find someone you are attracted to in a natural, organic sense without all the she's a 10 and I am a 7 so WHOA, I just did something out of my league. A girl who's a 6 is also special and might fit you better, you never know. Stop categorizing. Be in the moment. That's attractive to bystanders.
For realz. If a lot of this is about you hoping to jump from a 7 to a 10 to feed your ego, do this girl a favor and stay away. And quit rating women, even in your head.
I disagree with everyone, you didn't "blow" it. You were obviously setting yourself up for failure. You had no chance in the beginning and will never will!! So good job and continue protecting your precious ego.
Also, never approach women who are not in your league because you will never in a million years succeed. Stay safe.