All my life I've been the lazy slacker. I always forget deadlines and am never able to develop habits that require me to do repeated and/or arduous tasks from start to finish. In high school, studying was a rare occurrence. I spent far more time listening to music and reading wikipedia and science articles than studying shakespear or whatever else was assigned for homework that night. Thank god for my higher than average intelligence (with a touch of somewhat opaque yet still omnipresent narcissism) that got me through school without much active effort on my part.
Textbook INTP traits, right?
Well I'm in college now and I feel as though I've hit a brick wall. Just barely doing the homework wont cut it anymore. Long hours in the library and late nights is the name of the game if I want to get that engineering degree. Teetering so close to the proverbial "academic edge" is something I have been familiar with in the past (due to a lack of effort.....), but not on such a scale. To top it all off, the social pressures to succeed in college are immense. And man am I feeling it. Worst of all, its got me questioning my intelligence. The one thing I hold dear, the one thing I value more than anything else. It's making me feel kind of worthless.
School has me asking if I really am smart enough, and I'm not used to it. Normally issues and challenges of or related to learning and intelligence came easily to me. It wasn't until this last semester that I became comfortable with not knowing the answer immediately. If a concept or problem in a text book or lesson befuddled me for more than a few minutes, I would literally get angry at the question and either proclaim a mistake had been made in publication or clerical error had been made when transferring the concept into a days teachings. Honestly, nothing would make me more upset. Clenched fists and just sheer anger would arise from within me. Me not understand this? Me doing work? No way! Having to work my butt off to do better at this stage in the game has me really discouraged.
Today while reading intpcentral, I connected these ideas with the INTP personality type through a post by a woman married to an INTP man. The content of the post isn't important though, I'm just citing it as my source of inspiration for this thread. It got wondering if INTP people really are doomed to a life of external under achievement in all endeavors. Many of us are very intelligent beings and that intelligence can get us through a lot of situations with little work, but not everyone can succeed at life without any late nights. Combine the introverted nature (which doesn't let us share problems or ask for assistance) and our pretentious view of our minds (which places supreme important in any academic endeavor we undertake) with our laziness and you really have a formula for disaster. I find I'm fighting my own destructive habits as much as I'm battling the concepts and final exams.
Before you I have laid out a synopsis of my misgivings concerning my life at this point. I've got mixed feelings about myself and my success (or lack there of) thus far; probably another product of that raw, inner focused INTP criticism. Its got me feeling (HA!) unsatisfied with where and what I am right now.
Another crutch in the INTP personality I'd like to comment about: Relationships.
I also recently read that marriages to INTPs are the LEAST satisfying marriages. This is both humorous and extremely disheartening at the same time. If theres one thing I desire from the world more than anything else its a meaningful and intimate connecting with a special female someone. Someone who I could tell this too instead of posting in on mbticentral (sorry guys). But it seems we cant even obtain what we desire most. Not to mention, that pretentious nature we have about ourselves would have you thinking that INTPs would be good a marriage and long lasting partnerships simply because we've though about it more. Or because we don't usually carry the emotional baggage many other type proliferate.
What gives? These functions we posses seem to set us up for failure in every avenue, especially if you're severely afflicted with the INTP disease. It's as though we were born to be an example of what not to be. In order to live well and love well it seems that we have to defeat nearly everything that we are, save only for the intelligence. What but is INTP intelligence if its neutered by a structured life with a rigorous schedule and constant communication. I wouldn't have been able to think this up if I hadn't been alone in my room reading by myself........
So, are we really that bad?
Do we really need help? Are we crazy?
Are we ever going to be successful as a distinct and independent group?
Are we really even that intelligent?
And best yet, would we be better off as a different personality type?
Do any of you want to be a different personality type?