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  1. #1
    in-game Gamine's Avatar
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    Default ENTPs and "sharing emotions"

    Gross.

    Alright, now that the truth is out, some ENTPs might possibly occasionally experience emotions. Shocking, but possible. Like time travel. I digress.

    How do you deal with people who try to pump you for explanations of your feelings, emotions... people who want to hear something "deep" and "meaningful" when they are really just being damn nosey?

    There are very very very few people I would trust to hypothetically show real emotions to, the rest of the time I'm "switched on" where I'm not living in my thoughts or my heart, but flowing with the feedback from my intellectual/social/physical environment.

    I know at least one person who is convinced that we will grow closer at friends if I trust them with my feelings, but I'd much rather they stop pushing the issue. It's annoying, and does not seem genuine. When people ask for feelings, what are they hoping to gain? An advantage in something by seeing that I'm respecting them enough to be vulnerable?

    I dunno. What's a good way to tell someone to screw off, but in a nice way that they will understand?
    "Beware Those Who Are ALWAYS READING BOOKS" - Bukowski

  2. #2
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    I dunno. What's a good way to tell someone to screw off, but in a nice way that they will understand?
    Frame it in their language. "I'd feel bad if I saddled you with all of that. Thanks for the concern, though."

  3. #3
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post
    Gross.

    Alright, now that the truth is out, some ENTPs might possibly occasionally experience emotions. Shocking, but possible. Like time travel. I digress.
    You have no idea what migthy weapon drugs and volksmusik can be:

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-c0F9BVQK4&feature=related"].[/YOUTUBE]
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  4. #4
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    i find it best not to share emotions irl.

  5. #5
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    wrong choice long term, drama queen
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #6
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    When people ask for feelings, what are they hoping to gain?
    Asking you to give something that you are not comfortable giving may make it seem like they [the other side] is trying to "gain" something.

    Maybe they are: access [you can let your "guard" down with me, allowing me to "know" you], or perhaps it's more sinister like chips to use against you, if needed in future....emotional ammunition

    Or...perhaps they have a completely different concept of how their reality processes and values emotions as emotional expressions, than you do.

    For example:

    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine on "sharing emotions" View Post
    Gross.
    <- being an ENTP girlie...note the pink

    I can relate.

    For me, I truly think it's a very different way I process emotions than how others expect out of me [any average girl(?)] - and that is to know easily and quickly what one wants/is feeling emotionally.

    And seriously that has always stumped me - hard!

    The general question: What do you want?


    It's like...uh...well, it depends.....

    [and the other person doesn't realize that for me, it truly does depend...that's the most honest answer!]

    The situation [once it happens] will predict what kind of an emotional {"feeling journey"} I go through. It's not my default "ON" switch - tuning into my own emotions/wants....

    ...and for a lot of situations, I react more like an "audience", a 3rd perspective as I look into the situation/moment/event - an emotion on behalf of the MOMENT. No real "I"/"Me". Weird to explain.

    Then, there are those other moments, as rare as it may be, where it is *personal*, and such a situation(s) then evokes those "yucky, deep" emotions ....

    ...and it takes me a while to really ruminate on that kind of a situation, after the fact, so that I can look at it from a few angles, and not let it be tainted by "outside views", until I get a handle on whatever jumble is inside me....and THEN...to a very select few I turn to [trusted to untangle the left-over jumble cuz they know me enough and how I operate and view life].

    ...exceptions: feelings of happiness, contentment, playfulness, competitiveness, concentrated engagement, EXCITEMENT!!, meh-ness and AW!FUCK! [<-reaction to: last minute grand-master plan failing]....

    These I express freely, openly and quickly....you know....
    ...my most common range of emotions....

    So, firstly, it doesn't come to me naturally, "being tuned into my OWN depth of emotions" [Fi?], and secondly if, in the rarer instances, it IS evoked, it takes me a while to sort it out on my own and I like and always need to do that first. Debate it on my own. And, then turn to a trusted few.

    If it's the same for you, you may want to try to explain that to this person...sit down, have an honest talk about how differently you see "emotions" as a bonding experience [and plug in ways, where for you, does signify bonding...shared fun, curiosity, exchange of ideas, etc]...but that "emotional sharing" is not something on your radar easily or naturally, nor do you feel comfortable that way, cuz you operate a different way. They're free to be as emotionally open as they like from their end, but from yours, your way works for you/your life.

    So...

    I dunno. What's a good way to tell someone to screw off, but in a nice way that they will understand?
    ...to please let you be you, if they respect you enough.

    ***

    Honestly lay it on the table.

    Kinda like OMT said, "see" from their angle/language, but also explain where you perceive yourself to be coming from; explaining the difference b/w you and what their expectations/ideas re: emotions [sharing them] seem to be.

  7. #7
    Ginkgo
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    From my experience, ENTPs can be emotional, but only in the context of getting a project started or innovating (So it's not really sharing emotions, it's more like "Let's get this partay started!). It's used as an encouraging tool and nothing more. I've tried several times to dissect their emotions, but it's always deflected by either talking about me, or just dampening the content of the discussion by rationalizing it.

    While we can toss ideas back and forth ad nauseum, there's no emotive connect. The Latin phrase "emote" is actually associated with "disturbance" because our emotions well up and distort our more rational minds. I'm just going to assume that's why ENTPs don't want to connect that way.

    Occasionally I'll see that they manipulate the emotional atmosphere, which can either be pleasant or unpleasant depending; but I've learned how they do this so I either become rigid or become deeply honest to shut them down. Either way, they're going to make an intuitive judgement about the situation. Brilliant, they are (mostly).

    ps- I also notice a parallel with INFJs, though with maturation they tend to expose their Fe side more, rather than being in the Ni Ti think-tank

    Quote Originally Posted by Gamine View Post

    I know at least one person who is convinced that we will grow closer at friends if I trust them with my feelings, but I'd much rather they stop pushing the issue. It's annoying, and does not seem genuine. When people ask for feelings, what are they hoping to gain? An advantage in something by seeing that I'm respecting them enough to be vulnerable?
    Yeah, be careful with that.

  8. #8
    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
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    ENTPs are as perfectly capable of feeling emotions as the rest of you. You just don't tend to get the whole picture up front unless they think there's some sort of personal benefit to them doing so.

    Which seems to be what you're doing in this case. And in the case of this specific individual that you're talking about, I think you're possibly missing the point of why they're doing this.

    To you it may not seem important, but to me and individuals like them its the whole deal. In my own case, feelings to me are like a magnet. I'm drawn towards people who express them, and I'm compelled to understand them. Being open with them is also a huge sign of trust to me.

    Your idea of "switched on" is not concentrating on yours or other people's feelings. Our idea of "switched on" is like drowning is a sea of feelings and hypothetical emotional situations that we gladly want to swim our way through.

    Asking this individual to stop wanting this is probably a bit like asking you to stop soaking up the attention of your peers, and the input you derive from your interaction with them towards your own personal goals. It ain't gonna happen.

    I think you're also completely misunderstanding their intentions. It has nothing to do with "having an advantage", not for a type such as my own. It is no different from the type of feedback you get from others in your own way... it's just how they're wired. They just want to connect.

    But if what this person is asking from you is really not what you want to give, the only thing you can do is tell them. "I don't like talking about my feelings all that much. Please respect that." If they can't respect what you ask for, the only other option really is to cut your loses and go.

    It depends entirely on how big a deal it is to you, and how willing you both are to compromise.

    ...wow, huh, this post ended up longer than I expected. I hope it helps though.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Life calls out the meaning of pure jubilance,
    if you'll only take the time to hear it."
    ~ Words of Ivory ~

  9. #9
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by Words of Ivory View Post
    ENTPs are as perfectly capable of feeling emotions as the rest of you. You just don't tend to get the whole picture up front unless they think there's some sort of personal benefit to them doing so.

    Which seems to be what you're doing in this case. And in the case of this specific individual that you're talking about, I think you're possibly missing the point of why they're doing this.

    To you it may not seem important, but to me and individuals like them its the whole deal. In my own case, feelings to me are like a magnet. I'm drawn towards people who express them, and I'm compelled to understand them. Being open with them is also a huge sign of trust to me.

    Your idea of "switched on" is not concentrating on yours or other people's feelings. Our idea of "switched on" is like drowning is a sea of feelings and hypothetical emotional situations that we gladly want to swim our way through.

    Asking this individual to stop wanting this is probably a bit like asking you to stop soaking up the attention of your peers, and the input you derive from your interaction with them towards your own personal goals. It ain't gonna happen.

    I think you're also completely misunderstanding their intentions. It has nothing to do with "having an advantage", not for a type such as my own. It is no different from the type of feedback you get from others in your own way... it's just how they're wired. They just want to connect.

    But if what this person is asking from you is really not what you want to give, the only thing you can do is tell them. "I don't like talking about my feelings all that much. Please respect that." If they can't respect what you ask for, the only other option really is to cut your loses and go.

    It depends entirely on how big a deal it is to you, and how willing you both are to compromise.

    ...wow, huh, this post ended up longer than I expected. I hope it helps though.
    Are you talking to me?

  10. #10
    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
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    No, that was directed at the original thread creator.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Life calls out the meaning of pure jubilance,
    if you'll only take the time to hear it."
    ~ Words of Ivory ~

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