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  1. #1
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    Default Me and my mother

    So, lately I've kinda been not a fan of me mum, which is odd, because for the most part I try and be more like her, I look up to her, but now I don't know.

    Mother is one of those mothers who wants me to be a doctor/lawyer/something that makes buku bucks, and make ton'o'money, so I (she) can be well-off. I never really noticed it before, I thought it was just my own interest (Those summer pre-health camps and the ridiculous science load in high school couldn't have all been me ) but now I'm starting to see it now that I failed out of the pre-med track at my college.
    At first, when my mom found out I failed, she was okay with it, and said 'It's fine, go take classes that will bring up your GPA and that you'll like'. But now, since the opportunity to drop the failing grades has arose and me transferring and all, she wants me back on pre-med again!
    Thing is, I don't even know what I want to be, and all she has been doing lately is calling me up and lecturing me about how I need to find a major, but I only have so little to choose from, it has to be something that makes money (which is understandable, but when I told her I was considering majoring in business, she just yapped on about 'Well look at your father, look where he's at? Are we rich? No!')

    I'm really lost as to what to do with this woman, so I was thinking advice here might help?

  2. #2
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tawanda View Post
    So, lately I've kinda been not a fan of me mum, which is odd, because for the most part I try and be more like her, I look up to her, but now I don't know.

    Mother is one of those mothers who wants me to be a doctor/lawyer/something that makes buku bucks, and make ton'o'money, so I (she) can be well-off. I never really noticed it before, I thought it was just my own interest (Those summer pre-health camps and the ridiculous science load in high school couldn't have all been me ) but now I'm starting to see it now that I failed out of the pre-med track at my college.
    At first, when my mom found out I failed, she was okay with it, and said 'It's fine, go take classes that will bring up your GPA and that you'll like'. But now, since the opportunity to drop the failing grades has arose and me transferring and all, she wants me back on pre-med again!
    Thing is, I don't even know what I want to be, and all she has been doing lately is calling me up and lecturing me about how I need to find a major, but I only have so little to choose from, it has to be something that makes money (which is understandable, but when I told her I was considering majoring in business, she just yapped on about 'Well look at your father, look where he's at? Are we rich? No!')

    I'm really lost as to what to do with this woman, so I was thinking advice here might help?
    I'd totally make it clear that your grades are none of her business and separate her from your school life. Do what you love, life is too short to put yourself through misery.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  3. #3
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    Well, actually, her grades are her parents business if they're paying for her to go to college.

    Just sayin.

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    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    I'd totally make it clear that your grades are none of her business and separate her from your school life. Do what you love, life is too short to put yourself through misery.
    Well the thing is, she's doing a lot to have those bad grades drop, which I'm not going to stop her from doing. I want them gone.

    Plus, I don't know what I love. I tried taking a semester of random courses that I might enjoy, but I didn't really care for any of them, and I'm running out of time to explore and I really need to just get my degree and move on or I'd be wasting too much money.

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    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tawanda View Post
    Well the thing is, she's doing a lot to have those bad grades drop, which I'm not going to stop her from doing. I want them gone.

    Plus, I don't know what I love. I tried taking a semester of random courses that I might enjoy, but I didn't really care for any of them, and I'm running out of time to explore and I really need to just get my degree and move on or I'd be wasting too much money.
    I might try laying it out in a complete manner to her, I know this also might sound bad, but maybe you are not read for college? If you hate all the classes then maybe you are just overwhelmed and need breathing space.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

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    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Well, actually, her grades are her parents business if they're paying for her to go to college.

    Just sayin.
    His grades are, sure. But pestering him to become a super-duper successful corporate suit because that what they think someone needs to be in life to get somewhere? No it's not.

    What can I say about this..? Parents are parent. They will pester you about doing things because they want to see you make something out of your life. This in itself isn't a bad thing.

    But if they're being clingy and possessive about it? Just tell them where to shove it. That might not sound like a particularly INFJ-centric suggestion, but I believe empathy is a two way street. I find it had to feel considerate towards people who can't be considerate in return.

    There is nothing that annoys me more than parents who try to dictate their children's live based entirely on their own personal experiences.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Life calls out the meaning of pure jubilance,
    if you'll only take the time to hear it."
    ~ Words of Ivory ~

  7. #7
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    I might try laying it out in a complete manner to her, I know this also might sound bad, but maybe you are not read for college? If you hate all the classes then maybe you are just overwhelmed and need breathing space.
    I didn't hate them. They were alright, and I did well in them, but I just didn't really care. I hated my first year of college more than anything, but that was because of social and health issues which I believe I won't deal with as much if I transfer.

    I can do fine in college. I just need another one.

  8. #8
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Words of Ivory View Post
    His grades are, sure. But pestering him to become a super-duper successful corporate suit because that what they think someone needs to be in life to get somewhere? No it's not.

    What can I say about this..? Parents are parent. They will pester you about doing things because they want to see you make something out of your life. This in itself isn't a bad thing.

    But if they're being clingy and possessive about it? Just tell them where to shove it. That might not sound like a particularly INFJ-centric suggestion, but I believe empathy is a two way street. I find it had to feel considerate towards people who can't be considerate in return.

    There is nothing that annoys me more than parents who try to dictate their children's live based entirely on their own personal experiences.
    This is where I thought my mom was doing good in pushing me to work hard all these years...but now it's become a real conflict, between me and her, and her and my dad (but that's another story).

    I noticed there's a fine line between pestering and dictating, or so it seems.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by tawanda View Post
    This is where I thought my mom was doing good in pushing me to work hard all these years...but now it's become a real conflict, between me and her, and her and my dad (but that's another story).

    I noticed there's a fine line between pestering and dictating, or so it seems.
    It's true. Was/is she a helicopter parent?

    At some point, either the parent or child needs to start disengaging. Usually the parent will but in the cases where they don't, the child needs to do it to get on with their life. It's normal.

    You need to disengage to make your own choices and start your own life. It doesn't mean you kick her and her opinions to the curb but they start to count less. You can remind her that she did a good job raising you, a good enough job in fact that she can trust you to make the best choices for yourself. Or just use phrases like "got it, mom" and change the topic. She'll get the hint.

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