[NT] How Have You Dealt w/ Deep Emotional Trauma

[Redbone]

I'm asking because I'm dealing with it and really sucking at it.

I did the same thing when my mother passed away.

I fluctuate between putting myself on the couch and analyzing my feelings from a distance

or

Indulging in some really stupid and potentially self-destructive mind (mixed-with-reality) candy.

I read something last night that wasn't meant for my eyes but I knew it was directed toward me and it was like a slap in the face. I realized that I'm doing everything I can not to experience my feelings because I don't know what to do with them and I don't know how to grieve without feeling like I'm going to lose my head.

So, how have the rest of you dealt with really serious emotional trauma?

 

[Tallulah]

I would find a friend who will just let me rant and vent and figure things out. When I am hit by something heavy like that that emotionally affects me, it's like a big, confusing tangled ball of yarn in my brain, coupled with physical effects, like nausea. I have to have someone help me make sense of it. Then I get tired of talking about it and either drive around trying to forget or find something else to occupy my brain.

If you need someone to talk to, I'm happy to listen via PM! Might help to have two INTPs on it.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

I just drive and think... people are not my first source of strength. I can't handle immediate input. I'd blow up on them. I just need to think about the incident about a million times just to sort and rationalize.

 

[Totenkindly]

Stuffing can be effective, but you do need to be able to let it out somehow.

Sometimes it can be as coarse as finding a safe place where no one will intrude, where you know you'll be alone for a few hours, and just let yourself fall apart and experience all the emotions. let it vent so you can let go of it.

If that doesn't work, my other favorite options are (1) writing about it, letting myself say whatever I want even if it's vile and emo-laden and full of bile or (2) sitting in the dark and playing the piano, just making up whatever I want and letting my emotions come out through it.

It's also good sometimes to talk to another person, but it has to be someone you feel safe with completely, and who can handle ANYTHING you might say, do, or act out without losing their love and respect for you. For it to be any good, you have to be able to be honest.

R, yeah, I've done the driving thing on occasion. The only problem for me is that I can't allow myself to cry when driving, and that if I'm really really angry my driving tends to reflect that. not good. Maybe as a weird alternative to real driving, you can just pop in a car video game and push the thing to max, since wrecking means nothing.

 

[Vie]

I tend to rant to a good friend over some sort of comforting indulgent food or writing a nasty, depressing, emotional wreck of a thing that will never be seen by another person. I tend to shy away from self-destructive habits as of late, since I learned the hard way that no good comes from a few brief moments of 'happiness'.

 

[InsatiableCuriosity]

I go through stages where I coldly deal with it at a distance (I loathe allowing anyone to see they have hurt me) then find a place to withdraw and let it all out. Once that is done, I become pragmatic and look at the problem whollistically and unravel each tangled part in my mind. I look at whether in fact there may be some validity to my reactions - I am very self-examining. I then proceed to gather the threads and untangle everything - I have extreme patience.

If I find I have been unjustly treated - I don't make a scene - in my inner core I just withdraw from that person inch by inch with each issue until I eventually feel nothing for them and withdraw completely.

If it is a relationship that is very important to me I look at the issues and try to work together to find a way through that will not mean me compromising my ethos or self.

Hard job to do - I wish I had started a stress busters' business where people could go and safely smash old china to their hearts content!! There is something inherently satisfying in smashing something at these times!!

 

[Tradewind]

Stuff like this is always really hard. I was abused when I was young and had a really hard time dealing with it. Avoiding your grief and trying to put of mourning is probably the worst thing you could do.

It may feel like someone ripped your insides out or you are walking around with a gaping hole in you but its the only way. It helps to have a supportive network of people you trust and can be vulnerable with.

For me I usually journal, write a song/poem, vent, go to a peaceful place or watch a sad movie just to get all the emotions flowing. Its not important to understand or analyze them. Most of the time just getting them out prevents them from becoming toxic.

 

[Redbone]

Thank you for your comments.

I find myself feeling a great deal of anger for having these feelings evoked in the first place.

I am dealing with it...bit by bit. Goddess--it's so very hard...

I find it amazing that people are actually comfortable with "feeling" and knowing whatever it is they feel and immersing themselves in the experience of it.

Gah--I don't know why I'm replying right now. Way too emotional to make much sense. I'm going for a drive down by the ocean...

 

[suttree]

Meditation has helped me. It may sound goofy to the rational mind but focusing on breathing lessens the intensity of the emotions while still letting them run their course.

 

[Oberon]

I generally go into a bout of acute depression, coupled with addictive behaviors, neurosis, and unhelpful brooding.

But that's just me.

 

[Lark]

My knowledge on this says that when you experience some sort of overwhelming stress you actually suffer brain damage, not major, but your brain lets your primitive, "reptilian" brain take over for a while until you recover. Its like you're operating on instinct, because you are, that's what that part of your brain does. It takes time but the other side will gradually reassert itself, at first you wont recollect, or well, the details of whatever caused the overwhelming stress without it plunging you back into reptilian brain mode, but gradually you get longer spans of reasoning mind, shorter spans of the other and an ability to recollect with reverting. Could be you do all this rationalising, objectively your mind operates like it happened to someone else, then there's acknowledgment but minimising, dismissing, then finally full comprehension.

It takes time, most of all you need safety, so whatever triggers the overwhelming stress isnt directly re-experienced, and the sometimes powerful associations which can trigger involuntary memories, a film, a sound, a smell, anything, can be handled well enough.

I'd say dont rush yourself. The only time I experienced real bad trauma I was in a mess, I dont think I properly recovered from that, its just there in my mind and its unpleasant. I do operate more in the present and count the blesses instead of thinking of the past and future than I did previously. Got guilt too. A lot of the time I dont think about it, think of other things altogether. I never tried anything to overcome the trauma. I think that would be self-defeating and for a while I obeyed my instincts but didnt so anything I thought would result in addictive behaviour or dependencies or bad habits or greater guilt.

 

[Moonstone3]

I usually get further lost in my head. Lost in a TV show. Lost in a book. Lost on the computer. Then I realize I'm upset. Badly. I feel lonely but don't want to be around people. And the craziest thing is I usually have no idea why I'm upset. It takes a lot of sorting out to figure it out. I am still dealing with what to do during this time. I've been advised to just sit in the emotion and be okay with feeling that way, but that's much easier said than done for me. I end up cleaning and organizing monotonously until I forget it all. I am trying to deal with things, and writing down random thoughts helps me piece together what is wrong. Try a word map. It helps.

 

[Amethyst]

A couple years ago, I dealt with stuff like that in a very unhealthy way.

Now, it sort of goes in order like this, considering if things aren't resolved in my mind, it'll move on to #2, #3, so on.

1. Take a really long time to realize what happened/what's happening.
2. Realize that my emotions are getting out of hand because of this event.
3. Talk to a close friend about why everything's happening, other people's motives, why they have those motives, just, everything until I have some sort of understanding of the situation.
4. If 3 doesn't work out, I'll just cry in my room for a while, become pretty depressed, or take a really long drive to nowhere. I usually just bitch all the time too. It's really easy to tell when I'm in a terrible mood.
5. If I don't feel better then, I'll plot revenge in some way if someone did something to me, or get something back.

 

[Valiant]

I tend to go out and drink more than usual. Not continuously, but twice a week at least.
Also tend to hit on lots of women and sleep with as many as I can manage getting into bed.
I don't really talk about it, since that seriously doesn't help me at all.
Believe me, i've tried. My family goes batshit crazy when I don't want to be around them.
They smother me when i'm down, and just being with them five minutes is hell.

I've got a few periods in my life where i've been severely depressed.
When I was: 13-15, 19-21 and half a year until May this year when I turned 23.
Memories from my latest episode aren't that blurry, I think i've gotten used to it, but I seriously have months missing here and there during the other periods.
I know I evolve and change every time it happens. Sort of a fast-track to developing myself in all sorts of mental areas.
I believe these "episodes" are the reasons that I grew to be much more introverted than before, to the point where that became my preference.

How I deal with depression?

I turn inward during alone-time and sleep a lot. I really believe sleeping helps me.
It's, as far as I know, the place where I get to "talk" to my subconscious almost freely.
I always dream very vividly, and I usually remember the important parts when I wake up.
Sort of odd, but I almost always get what the dreams mean. Sort of my own symbolic language, so I guess it all comes down to knowing ones desires, fears and feelings.
The dreams usually tell me a bit about where I should proceed from where I am.
Even if the dream was seemingly unrelated to reality, if you aren't me.

Alright, that's how I solve it. But that might not be where I spend my time awake.
I will probably read a lot to escape reality into the world of another.
Sometimes, I will seek "adventure". Sometimes I change my life completely.
Like this time around. I became healthy, and started acting less like others want and more like who I am inside.
Depression causes me to realize things and change perspectives on things.

 

[bcubchgo]

Distraction, to me is key. Go out and / or accomplish stuff. Find ways to re-initialize your own positive thought processes. Slowly you will gain more control of the situation.

I find that setting goals for myself in situations like that allows me to focus on something else instead of sitting at home lost in my own thoughts. Just get out and try to be normal. You will be able to fool your brain for a while instead of beat yourself up.

 

[5231311252]

I ignored it until I couldn't ignore it anymore and then I rationalized it.

 

[rav3n]

I put it away until I'm ready to handle it. Then I bring it out, break it down into actionable items and then address each item individually. Sometimes, I have to put some of the actionable items away until next time.

 

[entropie]

drugs, but it didnt help, it never does. Eventually time did, cause you cant remember bad emotions forever, they get replaced with new ones, better ones of new hope...