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  1. #11
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    I have found being aloof and even flaky can help in those situations when you want to keep people at an arms-length distance. It comes more natural to me and I like to avoid hurting their feelings directly (if I do its a party foul). In fact one can become so good at it that they also keep most of their close friends and loved ones at arms length distance as well. Not answering the telephone or email/PMs is a good start.
    I'm INFP and i still want to keep strangers at an arms length. Don't they realise how much energy it costs me to interact with them? Energy i only have a finite amount of, that i would prefer to spend on the people i actually enjoy conversing with? Unfortunately being aloof and flakey has not worked for me, flakey is just seen as part of my "charm" (WTF?!). Most of the time if people do find me on FB i politely decline the friendship request. I also have 3 email addresses, one for friends, one for business and one for people whom i'm uncertain about. The email address for the people i'm unsure of is actually the hardest to spell and remember. So if they actually use it, well, kind of bonus points to them.

    I'm finding as i get older, it is getting easier in these instances to say that i just don't have time, and perhaps, at a later stage if we reconnect then i'll have time to start being sociable, it is polite and not that far from the truth to be a blatant lie. Then again, having 3 jobs and going to university full time will actually kind of makes that true for me =) heh.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  2. #12
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    Then again, having 3 jobs and going to university full time will actually kind of makes that true for me =) heh.
    Hmph, why is it all the busy women are always taken.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  3. #13
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Hmph, why is it all the busy women are always taken.
    Hahaha! I said I was busy not taken.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  4. #14
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    Sounds like you've attracted an ENFP. Other types may be excessively social or friendly, but none other than the ENFP would be delusional enough to persistently chase a cold, self-absorbed INTJ, imagining that said INTJ was actually warm and fuzzy (and possibly lonely) on the inside. Be mean to them right away to avoid future hurt and misunderstandings.

    You're welcome.

    Sincerely,

    Pathetic ENFP

  5. #15
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Sounds like you've attracted an ENFP. Other types may be excessively social or friendly, but none other than the ENFP would be delusional enough to persistently chase a cold, self-absorbed INTJ, imagining that said INTJ was actually warm and fuzzy (and possibly lonely) on the inside. Be mean to them right away to avoid future hurt and misunderstandings.
    I know at least one INTP who did -- and hasn't stopped yet.

    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    So...do you think thats what killed him?
    If my words could have that effect on people when desired, it would be quite a skill.

    Actually, he was an older guy and not in great health. I assume he succumbed to some natural cause.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I know at least one INTP who did -- and hasn't stopped yet.
    Yes, in truth, the only thing that keeps me from crying myself to sleep at night is knowing that most people are "pathetic" compared to INTJs.

    Of course what seems pathetic to one person seems totally normal and human to another.

    It will be a cold day in hell before I ever pursue another INTJ. I'll tell you that, bro.

  7. #17
    Senior Member MoneyTick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SamCarter View Post
    When I try to force myself to be friendly with strangers (or friends of friends) in social settings just to make some career networking contacts or because they are present at an event for one of my friends, sometimes I run into people take it the wrong way and suddenly they want to add me on Facebook, call/text me, go out for drinks, etc. I have a small circle of friends and no interest in adding to it at the moment unless the person is absolutely awesome. But there seems to be this certain type of person (which type? I'm pretty sure it starts with an E) that seems to have all of the time in the world to hang out and chat, and they always seem to gravitate toward me. Do they do this to everyone or do they single me out for being the quiet one? When I try and blow them off by saying things like "that would be nice" or "ok, maybe when I'm not so busy" they persist in trying to get me to commit to a date and place to go to hang out. To me it is kind of pathetic - don't you have any friends that WANT to hang out with you?

    Do other INTJs have this problem and how do you deal with it (without offending the person since they might become a valuable business contact)? Or is this just me being overly anti-social? All I want to do is file these kinds of people away in my address book with a note as to what skills they have and where I met them, and that's really as far as I want that relationship to go until I need them or they need me for business. How do I tell that kind of person that I don't want to be a part of their BFF harem without screaming "GO AWAY!"? :confused:
    You can't just "file people away" and consider them to be viable future business associates. You have to work at people, not against them.

    If a person you just met asks you out for lunch or a cocktail, its not just a social thing - its laying the first brick of a relationship that may ultimately benefit you tremendously (in the context of business).
    got chaos?

  8. #18
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    Unless you're a hot chick, I doubt that guys would be drawn to you as much as you think. Why should they be? There's really nothing special about INTJs that would draw people in. Would you enjoy interacting with a person who only have time for people they can use?

    PS: I personally welcome talking to people who are enlightened enough to find me interesting.

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