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  1. #21
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little_Sticks View Post
    :rolli::rolli:

    Next time use some of this lubricant instead of going dry.

    I dont understand this reply.

  2. #22
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    I dont understand this reply.
    He's alluding to "anal" tendencies of J types, I believe.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  3. #23
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    I get like this when I am really stressed out. Say that I'm working towards a huge life-changing deadline and I have to meet you to move furniture and I have to make sure I catch the train on time to get back and finish the deadline stuff...I will start to get...panicky and scattered and focussed on being on time for the train...I won't really be that present that last 30 min. Having a really detailed schedule is a lot more stressful than having a vague schedule or none at all. When something doesn't go according to plan, I improvise just fine, so I'm more immobilised by the plan than the lack thereof sometimes.

    In that situation the base stress never leaves. You'd think that you can compartmentalise and just move furniture and then pick up where you left with the first task, but when there is stress to begin with your (or mine at least) perspective can really narrow. It is irrational.
    Appreciate all the ENTJ responses so far. This is a good explanation of how he was acting. Scattered is a word I left out of my OP. There was some down time while we were waiting for someone to bring tools, and we were all laughing and having a good time, but he wasn't really there with us and that was the first time I had seen him like that.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  4. #24
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Sounds like he got out of having to do much, I know an ENTJ who does the same trick. he shows up for the 1st 10 minutes and the last 30 and takes all the credit when we're done.
    Yeah, as FDG said this isn't the right answer at all. Especially with this particular ENTJ. He's very willing to help and isn't looking for "credit".
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  5. #25
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Yeah, as FDG said this isn't the right answer at all. Especially with this particular ENTJ. He's very willing to help and isn't looking for "credit".
    True. (for me too). I only need my own validation.

  6. #26
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    TBH, I don't see what the problem is unless I'm misunderstanding. Being a P doesn't give one permission to stroll into an engagement late and keep other people waiting because you were just "going with the flow."

    I don't know what he communicated to you guys, e.g. "Hey I have to be outta here in an hour so let's do this" but his reaction doesn't seem unusual to me because I would react the same way. If I told someone I'll meet them at a certain time and it's looking like I'm going to be late, I get antsy. It's about keeping your promises to people.

    Like I said, I don't know what he said to you all as far as how much time he could commit, but I know I've felt bad for agreeing to see a movie with friends but then running in late and having people see a later movie. Or when I was organizing a film group and would get caught up at work later than I thought I would be. Yes, that is highly annoying mostly because I have other people waiting for me and I don't like to keep people waiting or be kept waiting. Outside of extenuating circumstances, of course.

    Those are casual examples that have relatively low consequences, I've only had a few cases with friends getting upset because I was late, and in one of those cases somebody was waiting for me to pick them up in the rain so I could understand why they were upset.

    Professionally, ABSOLUTELY NO. That looks horrendous and if you're consistently late to meetings and other professional engagements that eats away at your credibility and ability to do business unless you bring in cupcakes or some other distraction. People love cupcakes, that always freaking works!
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  7. #27
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    TBH, I don't see what the problem is unless I'm misunderstanding. Being a P doesn't give one permission to stroll into an engagement late and keep other people waiting because you were just "going with the flow."
    I'm very much a P and I showed up early. I am NEVER late on someone else's time. If it's my own time, then I do my thing. If it's someone else's time, I will not be late. I think it's disrespectful. P thinks otherwise sometimes, but my logic won't allow it. It's just too disrespectful to keep someone else waiting. But, that's beside the point. Either way, I never said or implied that anyone had permission to stroll in late. All I was saying is this: I admire J's for a lot of reasons. They can do some things that I'm not that good at. And P gets a bad rap on this forum, generally speaking. I was just noting the fact that I observed him struggling a bit to "go with the flow" and be easy going in spite of the fact that he had a meeting on the horizon.

    It's been noted in previous threads (and in this thread by ENTJ's) that J's generally want events to unfold the way that they have planned them out. P's take the approach that things are going to unfold however they naturally unfold and then we will make decisions based on how they unfold (that's a lot of "unfolding"). That's all. It's just comparing and contrasting. I'm not ripping J's a new one. I'm not trying to show the chinks in your might armor. I'm just getting opinions and some of the ENTJ's in this thread have humbly admitted that stress coupled with plans not going the way they wanted can cause things to get a little wierd. No biggie. You guys are still studly NT's.

    I don't know what he communicated to you guys, e.g. "Hey I have to be outta here in an hour so let's do this" but his reaction doesn't seem unusual to me because I would react the same way. If I told someone I'll meet them at a certain time and it's looking like I'm going to be late, I get antsy. It's about keeping your promises to people.
    Why do you get antsy? Why not just work happily and enjoy your company up until you need to leave, without being antsy? Then leave and go to your meeting - still without being antsy? I know the answer - someone alluded to it in this thread already - it's not that easy to compartmentalize. But, yeah, I'm just trying to get your guys' thoughts on why you get antsy to begin with. From my perspective, there's no need to be antsy.

    People love cupcakes, that always freaking works!
    LOL.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  8. #28
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    If I told someone I'll meet them at a certain time and it's looking like I'm going to be late, I get antsy. It's about keeping your promises to people.

    ...I don't like to keep people waiting or be kept waiting. Outside of extenuating circumstances, of course.
    I completely agree

    I guess I was taking the OP at face value, sorta taking it as read that the ENTJ had chosen to do the various activities, knowing how long each one takes, and hadn't been pressured into anything.

    If that were the case then yeah, I thought it did look like bad time management on his part. I do know some people who do that, who overstretch themselves with too many commitments in an unrealistic time frame.

    Even so... though I can sympathise and relate to someone getting anxious about possibly being late for the next engagement (not wanting to let other people down), I have to say that if I'm in that position, I don't find myself unable to function, nor do I repeatedly look at my watch and stress out about it. I just try to focus on the task at hand, get it over with as efficiently as possible and keep my stress to myself, because I figure to do anything else only increases the chances of my being late.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  9. #29
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Why do you get antsy? Why not just work happily and enjoy your company up until you need to leave, without being antsy? Then leave and go to your meeting - still without being antsy? I know the answer - someone alluded to it in this thread already - it's not that easy to compartmentalize. But, yeah, I'm just trying to get your guys' thoughts on why you get antsy to begin with. From my perspective, there's no need to be antsy.
    Why do I get antsy? I don't know. I just do. I'd say biologically it's almost like the adrenaline starts brewing in me (because I don't want to be late and if I'm running late I'll need the adrenaline/anxiety/whatever to spur me faster), and that makes me more antsy.

    But I totally relate to it. Now to be clear, I don't really like to be so busy that my time constraints are so limited, so I tend to not even schedule stuff so close together in the first place, just to prevent any stress.

    BUT. In a situation like this, where someone needed help, or whatever, and I felt I should help out even though I already had something else I had to do shortly after and I knew the added Thing would just stress me out, I'd still do it. But yes, I would totally mentally be on the Next Thing within a half hour before the Next Thing occurs. Maybe I'm partly resentful for having had to cram this additional thing into my schedule, who knows. So I might be looking at my watch because A. I don't want to be late, and B. I might be mildly peeved/ irritated that I'm there in the first place and I just want the time to go by quicker because I want to leave!!!
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  10. #30
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    To clarify, the ENTJ in the OP did not have "bad time management". His meeting had been planned for a week. Helping the friend move was sprung on us with only about 3 hours notice. It was a last minute thing. And it took WAY LONGER than expected. The person we were helping was not well-prepared at all and so a 1 hour job ended up taking 3 (and the others had to stay and help while he left for his meeting).

    But, again, from the P perspective I handle a situation like this in the following way: Uh oh, this is taking way longer than expected and I have a meeting coming up. Vocalize this as soon as possible: "Hey guys, I have an important meeting at 5pm, so I have to leave at 4:30pm regardless of how much progress we've made. Cool? Cool!"

    Now, I'm done with it. The "stress" is off my chest and everyone is aware of my situation. Now, I can continue on stress-free. I look at my watch from time to time and when it gets to be 4:30, I leave and go to my meeting. And I don't allow myself to feel guilty for leaving. I had to choose one or the other and I chose the meeting. No regrets. There's nothing I can do other than that. So I do it stress free. I roll with it. Things unfolded a certain way and I made an adjustment as I saw necessary.

    The other possibility would be if "helping a friend" somehow become a higher priority than the original plan (the meeting). I then take 5 minutes and call certain individuals to make sure the meeting will still take place properly without my presence and then I forget that (out of mind) and focus on helping my friend.

    It's a matter of "this is how the day unfolded" (every day unfolds differently as we all know), and I made the proper adjustments as I saw fit - based on level of importance/need/etc.

    It's analogous to a batter waiting for a pitch. You MUST be ready for the 95mph fastball (the meeting), but if the guy throws a 75mph curveball instead, there's no need for me to stress out. I just have to make an adjustment from what I was expecting to happen and then hit the ball. But, if I allow the curveball to stress me out or cause my head to be in 2 places at one time, then I'm going to be inneffective with my efforts - which he was in this instance.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

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