I need to take some breaks throughout the day to attend notes that I have written. By completing things I have wanted to do in the past - I seem to open up room for the future because I cease to dwell on my lack of resolve to finish what I have set forth.
What seems simple becomes complicated because I question the validity and weight of whether its results is worth anything. In short I doubt later what I thought prior. Lack of belief in what I think yet I am willing to share what I thought and rabidly defend its point of view. I become cynical with myself and lack consistency because I do not have follow up practices that clear up my past rambles. So from here on forth, I will review what I write and think instead of smiling at it in awe - of my thought process - gleeing to myself but never doing anything.
Should I do anything? Especially when I feel fine, (with the exception) of course, that I lack the cash I would like to have in order to get out more and feel in another way. Does my loneliness push me to excel or is it the reward of winning what I want - or when I delay from exceling, is it because I have what I want, the peace to be alone, to my thoughts, to myself and that I hate to be pushed even here now. I would say no. Because I'm learning I'm writing without crying today. A little messy - not scribbles, but hey I was never a good "writer" anyways. I guess that's why I learned to type at such an early age and decided long long ago that handwriting was for slow pokes. People into the fancy curves of their lines and the reactions of others as they witness and comment on their "beautiful" handwriting. (a pissy ex-girlfriend just came to mind) So what was I then? As I either scribbled out what I could because I didn't have a typewriter just yet. Didn't have an iPad, text message phone but got lucky enough to drive my mom nuts and get me that Sears Laser 128 Apple copy that cloned way back then an OS that was already Free, Distributable and easy to work with. Am I an INTP, bipolar, lost young adult or just a guy with some free time on hands?