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Thread: ENTPs and INFJs

  1. #91
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Can I read this to mean that you are kind of the boss in the relationship? I've wondered about that with INFJ/INTP. "INF" seems so "soft", caring, classy, and likeable, but "J" likes to be bossy, order people around, impose its will, remind people of the chores they haven't finished yet, etc. It doesn't take any crap so to speak. Is that kind of how it goes? Is the J/P divide the biggest problem spot with this pairing in your experience? Procrastination and a "there's no rush"/"it can be done tomorrow" attitude on the part of the INTP while the INFJ has the "it has to be done now because I said so and I'm sick of this" approach?

    That alone (if it's symptomatic of INTP/INFJ?), would cause me great strife in a relationship. I can't have someone ordering me around/telling me what to do as if I'm one of the children in the house. It just wouldn't go well.

    I'm not bashing INFJ's here. In fact, I'm pretty sure INTP (or ENTP) with INFJ has great potential in most cases. I'm just wondering how the J/P plays out IRL.
    What are you talking about lol, INFJs are Fe based, we would rather just pick up the trash ourselves then to worry someone else unless it becomes a habit, then it needs to be addressed. The J in the INFJ is executing Fe, not Te or Ti.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  2. #92
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    What are you talking about lol, INFJs are Fe based, we would rather just pick up the trash ourselves then to worry someone else unless it becomes a habit, then it needs to be addressed. The J in the INFJ is executing Fe, not Te or Ti.
    I don't mind the trash as long as it's not excessive, in my face, or causing me a good deal of inconvenience. For that reason, it works best when we have our own territories. I don't care if he's got three empty soda cans on his side of our computer table. If it starts avalanching onto my side, I start to get irritated, never mind my own side of the table is covered in permission slips I forgot to sign and send back to school with the kids.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #93
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Heh, the way I see it, I dont mind if people are sitting around and its messy because we are all comfortable, but to go 2 or 3 days and not clean would start to irritate me. Its so much better when everyone chips in and just cleans up every other day it never gets overwhelming that way and we can have guests easily etc... most of the time I end up doing all the cleaning though because everyone else sucks. :P
    Ground control to Major Tom

  4. #94
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Heh, the way I see it, I dont mind if people are sitting around and its messy because we are all comfortable, but to go 2 or 3 days and not clean would start to irritate me. Its so much better when everyone chips in and just cleans up every other day it never gets overwhelming that way and we can have guests easily etc... most of the time I end up doing all the cleaning though because everyone else sucks. :P
    I live with six other people, four of whom are minors and that does not include the four-footed residents. If I didn't have a high tolerance for mess, the place would be cleaner and I would be an absolute and constant terror. I tend not to even notice it's getting messy until it's out of hand and then I've got to get the crew moving to get stuff done because that's just too many creatures for me to try to keep up with by myself. So every few months I warn my husband that I'm about to go psychotic if things don't get straightened up and he helps motivate the kids so he doesn't have to listen to me.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #95
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    The P/J thing was a struggle for probably the first ten years of our relationship until I discovered MBTI and learned that he wasn't intentionally being an evasive pain in the rear and taught myself how not to threaten his sense of autonomy while getting the closure I needed. That way he figured out that I wasn't trying to control him, but just wanting to know what he wanted to do so I could plan around him.

    I think if I wasn't good at figuring that stuff out and adapting my behavior or if I was more J, it would be more of a problem. I'm a slob so the messy doesn't bother me and I usually only get intense if there is an important deadline of some kind.

    He is kind of passive, but I've never met a more stubborn person in my life, so I have to be careful not to trigger that dang bear trap of obstinacy. It's a nightmare when that happens so I avoid it like the plague.

    I do sometimes slip into a directive communication style because not only am I a firstborn, but we have four children and I do most of the day-to-day parenting, but when I catch myself I apologize and even with my kids, I'm generally a respectful, polite bossy. If I get too bad, he'll tease me about it and I'll back off.
    Well, that's good to hear. It sounds like if both partners are willing to work with each other (and behave like relative grown ups), then it can work pretty well. I think INFJ is probably my best type-match, but that's just "in theory" because I've never experienced it. So, thanks for the answers. Very helpful for the purpose of understanding INFJ's.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  6. #96
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    What are you talking about lol, INFJs are Fe based, we would rather just pick up the trash ourselves then to worry someone else unless it becomes a habit, then it needs to be addressed. The J in the INFJ is executing Fe, not Te or Ti.
    Yeah, I was just asking because I don't have much experience with INFJ's.

    Cafe's earlier posts led me to believe that she was the one keeping order in the house - making sure everyone is doing what they are supposed to be doing. So I just needed to ask what the actual J/P dynamic looks like with this particular pairing. Not in theory, but from someone who is actually living it, which she is.

    I know, for instance, INTP/ESTJ can sometimes get pretty nasty. But, maybe Ti vs. Te plays a big role in that as well.

    xNTP's can, as she says, be extremely stubborn. When "J" (in the ESTJ sense) is enforced, it can sometimes be like two rams locking horns in a tireless battle. From what you guys are saying, it doesn't quite get like that with INFJ/xNTP. But, I'm sure if both partners aren't "giving a little bit" and working to please the other, that it has the potential to be a dealbreaker for both types.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  7. #97
    Member SinistralPal's Avatar
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    My mom is INFJ. We are cool. Although she tries to scratch at my emotional side...almost all the time. Why? It's not even like scratching on armour. It's like trying to hurt mist with a knife. Can't happen.
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  8. #98
    Member VYCanisMajoris's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I've seen or started myself many threads regarding the ENTP and INFJ relation over the years and it tends to go like all seemingly INFJs claim to have an seemingly intp boyfriend and find entps too insolent. On the other hand, I as an entp find it to be a challenge to talk to most INFJs, because they come off as arrogant and insolent to me.
    Thats actually exactly how it was with me and my ex INFJ girlfriend... She came across often as being insolent yet always accused me of being so which I thought was absurd. We had many things in common and similar sense of humor and she was a lot of fun when we'd go out but.... yeah, exactly what you said there when we were just chilling.

    That's why i'm thinking I want to try going out with an ENTP. I think someone said.. you don't date ENTPs, they date you. I'm sure there are some female ENTPs that are happy with being just equal.

  9. #99
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    there can be a naturally tendency to read insolence as not communicating and trying to get on the same page for the infj. the entp, on the other hand, reads insolence as not taking personal responsibility for oneself and accepting the true weight of independence, which is not a weight to them but something ever so light.

    i can see how these relationships get initiated (the connection!) but i can't imagine how they play out. balancing of the for-self vs the for-us. and what the ongoing cost analysis of the relationship by both parties means, feels like, etc.

  10. #100
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    ENTPs seem fun, but it seems like they are a bit Tiggery and sometimes when they are being bouncy, trouncey, flouncy, pouncey fun fun fun fun fun they bump you a little too hard and when you are snappish because it didn't feel very good, they get their feelings hurt.
    LOL. My INFJ would agree.

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