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  1. #11
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    How do I deal with ESFx's? Typically, I just don't.

  2. #12
    Junior Member algeerot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Hey, this isn't Lex Talionis 2.0 now.

    But to help some of us, is there a specific person you're having a hard time dealing with? Do you have to work with them or do a project with them? What's the deal? That would probably help the S's that want to answer.
    I have a long history of struggling with ESFx's.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stevo View Post
    I'm friends with an ESFP and we get along pretty well. Sure she's a bit illogical at times but she's still a nice person and can be pretty fun. She's also pretty accommodating of my quirks as an INTP.
    Quote Originally Posted by whatever
    sorry, I'm tired and cranky and the words "inferior rationality" somehow jumped out at me and made me even grumpier
    Yeah on second thought , "inferior rationality" is too harsh. (you think!) I had a hard time choosing the correct term for my subconscious hunches. Maybe "less acceptable logical rational" for their position would work. But ehh, what do I know about their position? And I put it in quotes because I do not consciously believe it, but I get those hunches from their past decisions after the fact. It's funny only a few ascii characters could do.

    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly View Post
    You understand that they are different from you and remember that "wrong" isn't the definition of different. ..
    I agree.

    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly View Post
    I had a wide group of friends at school...some were Ns and some were Ss. I did connect better with the Ns, but I had a huge personal problem at one stage and I found a lot of my friends didn't stick by me. The majority of the ones that did were the sensors that I thought of as friends but there was no huge connection...I would never have regarded them as close friends and I found it hard to deal with most of them...I felt I had to hold back a lot and pretend I was someone else. But it made me realise that there are other things that are much more important. My friendships with the Sensors were more challenging that the ones with the intuitives...but only for silly reason...like I couldn't really talk to them about my theories etc and sometimes it was difficult to communicate. But having a good, loyal person in your life is more important IMO and worth all the other difficulties.
    I had a best friend who is a ESFJ. He came across as nice and fun at first, but there was a difficulty communicating. He liked to start conflicts and usually get me involved as a scapegoat which got annoying and I like talk about flaws. It seemed like a mutual and accepted antagonization, but we would eventually ignore each other opinions for mine were too mean and his were too fake. It came down to our difference in humor. When I was serious, he take it to be funny. When he was serious, I lacked support. I thought I was usually lenient with his opinions because I did not like conflict, but as soon I put my foot down. He blow up. It wasn't until I was away from him for a while did I realize we did not have a healthy relationship. That's just an example. I usually am not able to sustain a relationship with any ESFx. When I have a close relationship with a ESFx, it usually ended the same with me. Fun. Miscommunication. Suspicion.
    Yes? No? Yes. No. Oh! Oh no. Yes?

  3. #13
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly View Post
    Same as you deal with any type. You understand that they are different from you and remember that "wrong" isn't the definition of different.
    Something that needs to be internalised first of all, before the OP can move onto the next stage of human relations, by the looks of it.

    I had a huge personal problem at one stage and I found a lot of my friends didn't stick by me. The majority of the ones that did were the sensors ....But having a good, loyal person in your life is more important IMO and worth all the other difficulties.
    +1000

    That's a lesson I learned in a similar way. When I went through my "controversial crisis", it was the Sensors who stuck by me and the Intuitives mainly, who found they couldn't reconcile their "beliefs" with my circumstances and so, were willing to overlook the many years of loyal friendship and the facts of my actual personality, in order to decide, based on a theory, that I wasn't worthy. The Sensors would say "you're a decent guy, you never let a friend down, you're fun to hang out with, anything else doesn't matter".

    My two best friends now are an SP and an SJ.

    You just be yourself, and as long as "yourself" actually is someone worthwhile, then your choices and actions will be Sensed by those Sensors, they'll notice, and that will speak volumes to them. Just because they might not be "hip" to all your (amazing and astounding and original, no doubt) ideas, doesn't mean they don't "get" you. I've learned that the Sensors in my life often get me in a way I don't even get myself. They're there to give me reality checks - in a way it's their respect that means more to me than anything else, because they tell me whether my ACTIONS actually match my theories and principles.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  4. #14
    Junior Member algeerot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    You just be yourself, and as long as "yourself" actually is someone worthwhile, then your choices and actions will be Sensed by those Sensors, they'll notice, and that will speak volumes to them. Just because they might not be "hip" to all your (amazing and astounding and original, no doubt) ideas, doesn't mean they don't "get" you. I've learned that the Sensors in my life often get me in a way I don't even get myself. They're there to give me reality checks - in a way it's their respect that means more to me than anything else, because they tell me whether my ACTIONS actually match my theories and principles.
    I see where you are coming from. My best friend who I've known for years is a ISTJ. He keeps me in check with reality when I get too lost into my theories and I help him remain open. We keep each other honest. We have had many mature and constructive self-critical conversations and there were rarely any loss of reliability or hurt feelings.
    Yes? No? Yes. No. Oh! Oh no. Yes?

  5. #15
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    Just don't get them on their bad side.
    I've recently met a lot of people at my new job who seem to be ESFx. They're pretty fun as co-workers, they actually appealed to me most when I just started, and so far appear to be nice, but I don't really talk to them because we have entirely different interests. Mine is usually about games and other geeky stuff, theirs is talking about where they do their nails.

  6. #16
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    ESFx comes off as fake because they act differently than you do.

    In order for you to operate like your ESFP sister, you'd HAVE to "fake" it. It's not your nature. It IS her nature though, so she's being as real as dirt.

    Believe me, I am in NO way glorifying them. ESFx, at least the ESFJs, tend to drive me up a freakin WALL. But the worst part of it, and the point I was making, is that they don't even have to TRY to drive me batty bananas. It comes naturally to them.
    I agree. I wouldn't say they come off as fake, just as superficial, and often intrusive. They want to touch, and get endless validation on an interminable litany of banalities. Yes, I'm sure they just like a different flavor of conversation than I do. We may like different flavors of ice cream, too, but no one begrudges me my own preference there.

    I do my best when around ESF's to be tolerant and polite, and I seem to do reasonably well, but as you say, I feel like a fake doing it. More than fake, it feels almost like self-betrayal. If I put out this kind of effort, it is generally for a very worthwhile goal, or a very close and valued friend.

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