Knowing that, the entp system analyst nevertheless always bravely fails at understanding that for himself.
I can sign what you said to the last letter. My gf keeps on telling me, if I go down that road of discussion that I see myself in a rather bad light. And thats what it is about in the end; other people can see you but not your motives. The whole interaction thing between humans revolves around trust, you can trust someone who is trustworthy and therefore perceive him as a nice guy, but you wont know how many corpses he has in his cellar.
The world humans created are the 1:1 reflection of their inner souls and of whats going on in theirselves. There is no thing like total moralism or white or total anti-moralism or black; the human soul is a paradox of eternal conflicts, all what you can make up in your mind, is what will be in your mind and in the end the person you will be, is defined by the things you do.
I personally do not think the problem you described, is a problem you have with yourself or a problem you can ever solve with yourself; I think you will need other people to be the mirrors for your own actions, to be able to define who you are through them.
I have made a decision for myself and I will stick to it. I remember the Battlestar galactica episode in which Colonel Adama told his son: "You havent decided yet on which side you play." This was a mutual understanding to my own personality for me, cause I like to make things right for everyone, so he feels good, but I do that by adapting to their habits and needs without ever really developing a true self for myself.
I still nowadays am in an ultimate identity crisis and I have the same Black&White feelings about morales, namely: either total white or nothing. But thats not how it works, mistakes are destined to happen and even if you have decided for one side, you will continue to make mistakes.
I more and more get this feeling at work, regarding decisions, I like to consider decisions, think about them, talk about them with many people; but that doesnt work no more as it ones did. Sometimes you have to decide crucial things fast and sometimes the people you would need for discussion aint there. So you are obliged to make the right or wrong decision and sometimes its like a dice game on some decisions.
I have learned for myself that if you stay in question with yourself, like: "why does everyone like me, tho I am a cold-hearted bastard", you make two mistakes: 1st everyone likes you, so you cant be a cold-hearted bastard and if you still are, why care, everyone likes you. And the 2nd, if you continue to be in doubt and in question with yourself, you'll miss that cruical step in life every p once has to make, namely to take a side. Meaning do you play for yourself in life or do you care for yourself to be healthy enough to help others. Namely to you cheat on your girlfriend or are you loyal till death.
You maybe laugh at me for being the morale apostle, but truth is, the only one that can define your life is you yourself. The one your family will love, will be the one you project and you show them. they will never be able to look into your mind and understand your inner workings, as you do and as entps think they can do with others sometimes.