[NT] Emotions... and Junk.

[ReflecTcelfeR]

We as NT's are said to lack the ability to apply emotion to our judgements, and dealing with and expressing emotions is a close second.

How well are you at conveying emotions in writing? Does it make showing emotions easier not being directly next to the person to whom you are speaking?

 

[Accept]

Unless it's someone I know well enough to anticipate their reactions and expectations, writing is the preferred method of communication. It allows clarity for me,and hopefully for them. It also limits the emotions of those who thrive on the overstatement, the display, and the argument. I can help carry the emotional baggage of a friend or lover, but refuse to do so for anyone who brings little else to a relationship.

So yes, writing is salvation at times. Second best choice with some would be semaphore.

 

[Reflection]

Definitely. In the words of my friend: "It's so inconvenient that we as a society stopped writing letters."

It's a lot easier, especially if it's someone you rarely or never meet in 'real life'. I can relax and show a bit more of who I am.

 

[Salt n' pepper]

Yes. Writing is easier. But it's still messy. I'd rather not go there. If I have to, I prefer writing.

I tend to send pictures of beautiful, things. And I do those little balls... <3

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Reflection brought up another aspect I think I'd like to follow up on. Do you find you allow yourself to open up more when you write to someone?

 

[uumlau]

NTs don't "lack" the ability to apply emotions to our judgments. Rather, we generally refuse to. As for expressing emotions, it really depends on what you're talking about. NTs generally aren't "emotive", but if you never observe any emotions being expressed by an NT, you're just not watching. "T" just means that when you, the REAL you, decides to do something, it will generally be based on objective criteria/standards/reasoning, and not subjective (e.g., emotional) criteria/standards/reasoning. T doesn't mean one is smarter, or better at thinking or imply any degree of skill - it's just a personal preference.

W/r to writing emotions, I think that may be more of an INxx thing, and to a degree an Fi thing. It's an Fi thing, partly, because Fi takes a while to ponder before being able to express emotions with any degree of precision. Usually, those who prefer Fi tend to become more quiet the more strongly they feel emotion. Writing, taking the time to write, gets around the inhibition in a couple of ways: 1) there's no one in your face, 2) you get some time to think about how you feel before you write it down.

Personally, I find that my emotions, when I want to express them, are usually a big massive ball of incoherency when I look at them initially. If I'm lucky, I know whether they're positive or negative, but usually, they're just there. I let myself relax and ponder them for a while, and then they become more clear. Once I understand them well enough, I can communicate them, but I don't feel comfortable with most methods other than writing. Speech is just too brief, and it doesn't feel like what I'm saying is "really true", but only a vague approximation of what I feel. If I have the luxury of time, I can create something that describes how I feel, as long as the emotions aren't too intense. (Intensity implies that I've not processed them much, if at all, yet.) That creation is usually prose, but occasionally might be music or some other work of art.

In spite of my ability to do so, it isn't easy. I am very much more comfortable talking about ideas than emotions, and oftentimes I will express emotions more abstractly and impersonally in order to describe what is going on, rather than make direct statements about what I feel.

 

[Coriolis]

What Uumlau has described is very similar to my own experience. Not only are my own emotions quite incoherent before I apply significant conscious analysis, but when I do attempt to discuss them with others, I tend automatically to go right past the emotions themselves to whatever is causing them. Writing gives me the time to pull back and examine them more directly and deliberately. I also like that writing can be revised and perfected before being shared. If I realize I am still sidestepping the emotions and I really don't want to, or my description is just too convoluted or disorganized, I can fix it, or start entirely over.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Writing has been very successful for me in finding causations to problems that I have. The writing makes me think about each step and helps me analyze it so as to find the source. Sometimes the emotions get to me and I type those out just so they can calm down. I will hardly ever show them to others though. The emotional ones that is.

 

[Reflection]

Writing has been very successful for me in finding causations to problems that I have. The writing makes me think about each step and helps me analyze it so as to find the source. Sometimes the emotions get to me and I type those out just so they can calm down. I will hardly ever show them to others though. The emotional ones that is.

^This. It's so much easier if you write everything down and take a step back. You can observe (at least somewhat) objectively what happened and why. I get the sense of things better when I write it all out. I can see what exactly has been bothering me, and then go about solving the problem.

 

[copperfish17]

W/r to writing emotions, I think that may be more of an INxx thing, and to a degree an Fi thing. It's an Fi thing, partly, because Fi takes a while to ponder before being able to express emotions with any degree of precision. Usually, those who prefer Fi tend to become more quiet the more strongly they feel emotion. Writing, taking the time to write, gets around the inhibition in a couple of ways: 1) there's no one in your face, 2) you get some time to think about how you feel before you write it down.

YEEEEESSSSSSSSSS.

/INTP with ridiculously high Fi.

Personally, I find that my emotions, when I want to express them, are usually a big massive ball of incoherency when I look at them initially. ...I let myself relax and ponder them for a while, and then they become more clear. Once I understand them well enough, I can communicate them, but I don't feel comfortable with most methods other than writing.

(I want to quote everything you said, uumlau, but that would make my post too lengthy.)

Marry me!

 

[Lady_X]

Yes. Writing is easier. But it's still messy. I'd rather not go there. If I have to, I prefer writing.

I tend to send pictures of beautiful, things. And I do those little balls... <3

huh?

 

[Lady_X]

and yep yep to all that fi stuff

 

[copperfish17]

I'm curious... what's the corniest/cheesiest thing you've ever written VS said to someone?

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

I usually save words of regret for the paper/screen. If I have something cheezy to say you're hearing it from my mouth. I can't let something so personal be misconstrued. I don't do it very often, but when it happens I don't hold back... after writing this... have I ever done this?! Nope, probably not, but if I did, then, this is how I would do it... yeah. I have done it once... twice at the most.

 

[InsatiableCuriosity]

NTs don't "lack" the ability to apply emotions to our judgments. Rather, we generally refuse to. As for expressing emotions, it really depends on what you're talking about. NTs generally aren't "emotive", but if you never observe any emotions being expressed by an NT, you're just not watching. "T" just means that when you, the REAL you, decides to do something, it will generally be based on objective criteria/standards/reasoning, and not subjective (e.g., emotional) criteria/standards/reasoning. T doesn't mean one is smarter, or better at thinking or imply any degree of skill - it's just a personal preference.

I liken the Ti/Ne to the Old Testament story of King Solomon and the baby. His solution to both claimants was to cut the baby in half knowing that the real mother would not choose this. His understanding of the potential responses could not have been had he not had a good sense of Fi himself. He chose to use that knowledge to present it objectively.

W/r to writing emotions, I think that may be more of an INxx thing, and to a degree an Fi thing. It's an Fi thing, partly, because Fi takes a while to ponder before being able to express emotions with any degree of precision. Usually, those who prefer Fi tend to become more quiet the more strongly they feel emotion. Writing, taking the time to write, gets around the inhibition in a couple of ways: 1) there's no one in your face, 2) you get some time to think about how you feel before you write it down.

Personally, I find that my emotions, when I want to express them, are usually a big massive ball of incoherency when I look at them initially. If I'm lucky, I know whether they're positive or negative, but usually, they're just there. I let myself relax and ponder them for a while, and then they become more clear. Once I understand them well enough, I can communicate them, but I don't feel comfortable with most methods other than writing. Speech is just too brief, and it doesn't feel like what I'm saying is "really true", but only a vague approximation of what I feel. If I have the luxury of time, I can create something that describes how I feel, as long as the emotions aren't too intense. (Intensity implies that I've not processed them much, if at all, yet.) That creation is usually prose, but occasionally might be music or some other work of art.

In spite of my ability to do so, it isn't easy. I am very much more comfortable talking about ideas than emotions, and oftentimes I will express emotions more abstractly and impersonally in order to describe what is going on, rather than make direct statements about what I feel.

I prefer writing to talking because it allows me to choose my words more carefully. In most writing my objective is to not engender a defensive response. I prefer to let people know I care in this way too without being gushy.

I also choose birthday and Christmas cards carefully based on the Fi message I wish to convey and, depending on the recipient, can be emotional in my choices, fitting the sentiment inside to the person and what I feel about them.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Writing is far easier. Verbal expression for me just sounds awful. Infantile, almost. When expressing verbally, I feel far more exposed and as though someone is going to counter attack right there. Which is bizarre, since if you think about it, when something is "in writing" it has more permanence, the record is always there.

I've thought about it, and for me maybe it's easier to write because I can express without interruption. When verbal, the person is right there...their reaction can influence me as I put my thoughts together. Since I have poor command, it's easier for me to seem less incoherent when I am focused and uninterrupted.

Not sure about the corniest thing I've ever said or written. I'd have to have my SO dig up my cards and notes. She keeps them in a basket.