Must be Ni dom; even for me Fi dom for me makes me feel like shit if I'm more than 15 min late for casual stuff. Most of the time I'm 10 - 20 min early and end up waiting for the rest of the world to coalesce for the next hour to hour and a half.
Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.
INFP, 6w7, IEI
I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.
I'm usually exceedingly punctual for more formalized or organized situations (walking into lecture even a minute late would cause embarrassment for me), and exceedingly unpredictable for casual get-togethers, depending on how tuned in I was to, you know, reality and the moment and stuff.
She seems like she's being disrespectful, though. If I was more than an hour late one day I'd make double the effort to be early the next time as a gesture of respect for the other person's time.
Same here. I couldn't be late to something scheduled if I tried, but I tend to be late to show up to more casual events if I'm working on a project.
If I know I'm going to get absorbed in what I'm doing, I'll make it clear that I won't be there for a while. But I know an INTJ guy who would tell me he was going to come over "in a few", and I wouldn't see him for an hour and a half because he'd gotten caught up in some video game. So I guess some people just aren't as conscientious...Definitely something to talk to her about.
"There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"
I am like an ENFJ/INFJ hybrid but closer to ENFJ. I am always almost late to everything. Strong Ni can be a curse. If I am engrossed in something, I want to continue doing it rather than doing what I am supposed to be doing next. Typically, it's like this. 5 more minutes is going to be ok. 5 minutes is up. It will be all right if I do it for 10 more minutes. 10 minutes is up. Well, 15 more minutes won't make a difference. It continues and continues until in the end, it becomes "Oh shit, I should have gotten ready 30 minutes ago".
Hm... Maybe this particular one is off balance somehow.
I'm always between fifteen and thirty-five minutes early, if it's not a party or a dinner, then I come on the specified time since it could be considered rude to barge in too early in some situations.
Mightier than the tread of marching armies is the power of an idea whose time has come
The INTJs I know tend to be on time only if they consider it important. This behaviour in particular (ditching you to go to a restaurant, without telling you let alone asking if you wanted to come?) is pretty ridiculously rude, except perhaps if your meeting was extremely casual.
Have you considered that she could be istp, which can resemble intj in thoughts and behaviour? It's funny but istp is often more like intj than either is like intp (in my experience) - perhaps the shared Ni/Se. Your description didn't include much about being abstract which is why I'm mentioning this. ST is as "cool, rational and understanding" as NT.