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Thread: NT's and Gifts

  1. #11
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Do you spend a lot of effort on picking out the perfect gift, or do you tend to try give "standard" gifts (all women like chocolate right??) or do you try to avoid the whole thing altogether?

    If I can, I give something I've created myself. From a piece of woodwork to a poem or song, from a badly drawn but perfectly worded cartoon in a frame that makes them laugh every time they look at it for years, I'd rather do anything like this than simply buy something. Anyone can buy something.

    What price range do you tend to shop in? Does this change with how "close" a person is to you?

    If I absolutely have to buy something, I go around the £20 mark. Under that, and you're obviously penny pinching. Over that, and you're undermining/embarrassing others who can't afford to spend as much and possibly embarrassing the recipient, who will feel obliged to spend similar on you, come your day. If I can't afford to spend that much, I get nothing at all - just a card with a very well thought-out message that will strike them more than a gift could've.

    Do you feel anxious about gift giving and what people might be expecting from your gift? Do you think that people judge you on your "gift giving ability"?

    If I do think a person is like that, I don't give them a gift at all and I'm unlikely to even be at their occasion/event. So no, I don't ever feel anxious about it.

    Do you feel obliged to give gifts during certain holidays? (ie: Christmas, Valentines Day, Birthdays)

    No, I never feel obliged really at all. That's why when I do, people know it's sincere. The only reason I ever give a gift is because I want to.

    On receiving:

    What kind of gifts do you appreciate the most?

    People's time and thoughts. I've already got everything I need; I'm not a hoarder and don't want "stuff". But if they really MUST get me something, I prefer something practical and useful, particularly if they've made it themselves or have some personal connection to its manufacture.

    Do you judge a person by what kind of gifts they give you?

    Usually, the kind of gift a person gives me is exactly the kind I expect from them in any case (including when they give me nothing!)... so I don't judge them by their gift as such - their gift is usually confirmation that I judged (ie. estimated/assessed) our relationship correctly in the first place.

    Do you expect different things from people who have different relationships to you?

    I don't really expect anything at all. From children, I don't expect or want anything, but especially not anything that costs money. I don't really do "expect", generally...

    Do you get disappointed or feel guilty when in a gift exchange, there is a marked difference in price?

    If I even notice it, then no. If I see that the other person notices it, I make a joke about it and shrug it off. *I* give a gift because I want to, and it's about them. If they give because they want to impress/show off, and it's about them and what they expect, then that's their look out.

    Do you ever feel "caught off guard" from receiving a gift, or are you generally happy and accepting of every and all gifts?

    Not sure what the "or" is doing in that sentence...? Why would being caught off guard mean you weren't happy accepting it? Are there people truly that averse to a surprise??

    Any other thoughts?

    As a Franciscan, I have the motto: ask for nothing; refuse nothing. If something's given to me that I don't want, accept it anyway. I can give it to someone who does want it. And if the person who gave me it expects to see it in my house and remarks on its absense when they visit, I just say "Ah, it was a nice vase (or whatever), but I didn't really have much use for it. Jean saw it and loved it, so I let her have it. I'd rather such a lovely thing was put to good use than wasted on me." Then that person, if they feel they must get me something in future, has a better chance of hitting the mark with something I'll actually want/like.

    Up to the 1970's, most etiquette books focused on how to behave in certain circumstances. How to be considerate, clean, polite and dignified in your speech, dress and conduct. Modern ones focus obsessively on gift-giving and other "buy" related issues. What does that tell you about our society now?
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

  2. #12
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I lack bigtime to give gifts besides the typical things like loyality and prosperity I guarantee for my minions.

    Phisical gifts are imperative, because I like them too when my gf gives one to me.

    just how to remember and how to tell others wqithoput sounding bad, what I am


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  3. #13
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alakazam View Post
    However, this line of thought proceeds into "if I give them $20 and they give me $20, then the net-balance is $0, so we might as well not give each other anything but a card"

    I have yet to find a way to get around that...
    For me, the value of a gift is not the cost, but the utility and, to some degree, the creativity. I try to give people things they would not have thought of themselves, but will still use or enjoy. I often give gifts I have made myself, rather than those simply purchased.

    My main goal is giving the person something they can actually use, that won't simply become junk on a shelf. I try to be creative in this, and usually get an inspiration, and then can't find the specific item. At this point, it can get frustrating, and if possible, I will consider making it myself.

    On the other hand, very few people are able to give me gifts that I can actually use and appreciate. It is said that it's the thought that counts, but when someone gives me something that I cannot use, is far from my tastes, etc. etc., it is hard for me to imagine that they put very much thought into it. Some of these gift-givers are relatives who have known me for years, so I take it as an indication of how little they really do know me. In these cases, I would prefer a simple card, or something consumable like a bottle of wine or some gourmet coffee. If they give me a kind I do not prefer, I can still share it with guests.

    I do have a small list of people to whom I customarily give gifts for birthdays and Winter holidays. I also keep my eyes open for possibilities throughout the year. I don't do this consciously, but rather if I happen across something that would make a good gift for someone, I buy it and keep it for the next occasion. By extension, I will sometimes give someone a gift for no reason except that I ran across something I think they could use. I do this especially if the item was inexpensive and the recipient is a close friend.

  4. #14
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    I'm an expert on gift giving. Many people come to me if they need to buy a gift for someone, but it's so easy. You just look at what they have now and you can determine their tastes and buy a gift that they really like I know what people like.

    When I receive gifts, I like to receive practical gifts, gift cards for restaurants, clothing, stuff I don't need to buy for myself. I also like gifts where there was thought put into it. Funny gifts are great too, but friends that have gotten me gifts have been pretty shitty. Most friends that I got great gifts got me cheap lotions. I could sell lotion at the mall I have so many.

  5. #15
    videodrones; questions Verfremdungseffekt's Avatar
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    Gifts creep me the fuck out. Whether I'm giving or receiving, I always feel like I'm being manipulated.

    If you're going to do something for me, make it practical and transitory. Take me out to an inexpensive but neato restaurant, or order pizza, or pay for the cab ride or a subway pass. If the gesture is too big, I'm going to feel indebted. If I'm laden with something physical, whether it's useful to me or not, I'm going to feel encroached upon. For one thing, I feel obliged to hang onto the object because a gift is never wholly your property; some percentage is always emotionally bound to the giver. For another, it will serve as a constant looming, potentially outsized, reminder that someone once did me a favor. It's something a person can always point at: look, I gave that to you! I put my flag down here! I own part of your world! I can do what I like!

    No thanks.

  6. #16
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aderack View Post
    Gifts creep me the fuck out. Whether I'm giving or receiving, I always feel like I'm being manipulated.

    If you're going to do something for me, make it practical and transitory. Take me out to an inexpensive but neato restaurant, or order pizza, or pay for the cab ride or a subway pass. If the gesture is too big, I'm going to feel indebted. If I'm laden with something physical, whether it's useful to me or not, I'm going to feel encroached upon. For one thing, I feel obliged to hang onto the object because a gift is never wholly your property; some percentage is always emotionally bound to the giver. For another, it will serve as a constant looming, potentially outsized, reminder that someone once did me a favor. It's something a person can always point at: look, I gave that to you! I put my flag down here! I own part of your world! I can do what I like!

    No thanks.

    Right now I hope to never get a gift from you. But at least I base my paranoia on solid arguementation.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  7. #17
    Senior Member Moonstone3's Avatar
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    The best gifts from someone close to me are a trip or special event day, such as my best friend took me to a new art museum for my birthday one year.
    I have always felt awkward opening gifts in front of people-no matter the occasion. My baby shower felt like a nightmare inside. I don't like all that attention at once. And yes, I agree that it feels like you are obligated to react a certain way. I'd much rather give a gift than receive one.
    I'd just assume open the gift from someone after they leave, and then call them about it. I don't respond quickly-to most things, so most of my friends have told me they don't always know how I feel or if I like what they've gotten me-or even shared with me.
    I need time to process thought before I speak. So, a sudden surprise may leave people guessing...
    Cost is usually cheap because I am usually broke, but if it's the perfect gift for someone, cost doesn't matter.
    I try to give people something they have an interest in. I only get gifts for people who are close to me. I'm not going to waste my time or anyone else's with a guess of a gift.
    What is normal to one, is incomprehensible to another.

    ALL anger in this world stems from a lack of control.


    All of reality bows to the illusion of life and death.

  8. #18
    Branded with Satan murkrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aderack View Post
    Gifts creep me the fuck out. Whether I'm giving or receiving, I always feel like I'm being manipulated.

    If you're going to do something for me, make it practical and transitory. Take me out to an inexpensive but neato restaurant, or order pizza, or pay for the cab ride or a subway pass. If the gesture is too big, I'm going to feel indebted. If I'm laden with something physical, whether it's useful to me or not, I'm going to feel encroached upon. For one thing, I feel obliged to hang onto the object because a gift is never wholly your property; some percentage is always emotionally bound to the giver. For another, it will serve as a constant looming, potentially outsized, reminder that someone once did me a favor. It's something a person can always point at: look, I gave that to you! I put my flag down here! I own part of your world! I can do what I like!

    No thanks.
    Seriously?
    wails from the crypt.

  9. #19
    Priestess Of Syrinx Katsuni's Avatar
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    Giving:

    I give them whenever I feel like it, but it's not that often. Normally I don't like giving gifts for reasons related to why I don't like receiving them. Christmas is an exception, because it's something accepted for gift giving, and is a special time of year. Birthdays I've generally kept to things that are personal but not worth much; pictures, poems, other stuff that's made for the person in mind. Money/purchased gifts just don't have the same effect on a birthday.



    Receiving:

    I don't accept gifts well, except on certain events, and even then it's limited. I don't like expensive gifts. I don't' like gifts that cost money, or ones that were given without thought.

    For an example, if someone gave me a gold ring with a diamond in it, I'd be very disappointed in them; first, because it's throwing money at me, which I consider foolish. Second, because it's inefficient, there's a thousand things they COULD have gotten me that would've been far more enjoyable or useful for a longer term for that money... hell buy me a car, it's probably cheaper than some rings XD And third, I don't like gold or diamonds, I'd prefer silver or titanium and cats' eye, and therefore would be irritated that they would pay so much on me without even knowing my preferences, and it's not exactly like I keep those preferences a secret. So either they ignored whot I'd told them, or didn't know me well enough to be buying me a ring in the first place.

    Another problem, is that I don't care for being given stuff for free; I'd rather earn my way. I don't care if it's affectionate usually... a big portion of this is I've been doing online games since... 1997. Back then girls online were rare, and people tended to notice even if yeu didn't SAY so, some just caught on to subtle things. Not sure how but whotever XD Problem is though, that means people endlessly tried to shower with gifts... which sucked. It carries on today in other games, MMORPG's are especially bad for it; alot of the guys who claim to be female on there, that I've found, have two reasons to do so... 1st: they don't want to look at a guy's butt all day, or 2nd, they want free 'stuff'. Because if yeu claim female, people go ZOMG LOOK HERE HAVE STUFF! One male friend I knew (well still know but he stopped playing) on WoW was ridiculously rich with gold... so he'd bought every female member of the guild their own epic flight mount. Which... kind of irritated me that someone would do that, because it means that they imply only females deserve it rawr, or that he's hitting on all of them. Considering who it was, it was more likely the latter >.> Regardless, I turned mine down. As all other help. I earned all I needed, and yes I struggled often to make ends meet, but I managed. Sure it's just an online game and not 'real' money, but the point is there... I don't want to be handed over stuff, it looses all appeal that way if yeu get it that way. I want to earn it and feel proud to have accomplished earning such.

    The ONLY way I'll normally accept gifts, is if it's considered by me to be an even trade... I wouldn't even let my BF (he wasn't at the time though) give me a small amount of money... it was literally like $20 or so, and was for covering something major I had to do and I couldn't afford it at the time. I ONLY let him do so after a long argument, after agreeing that I would draw a picture for him and treat it as a commission, and only if I did my end of the bargain first.

    So yeah... I'm picky on gifts XD

    I dunno though, I don't like giving them either because of that, since I feel people should treat it more the way I do, which's silly of me, but whotever.

    Generally I just don't like getting gifts, nor do I feel comfortable giving them. I especially don't like having them be given or received on a regular basis, since that kills the purpose of them... they aren't special after they become too common. Some things yeu need to stagger out significantly. Gifts, if showered on someone all the time, multiple times per month, become very... generic and boring. They loose all appeal. They're so common there's no feeling behind them anymore, or so it seems to me. Keeping them once or twice a year seems to be just about right. Any more than that and they don't have that special feel any longer.

    Maybe the rare one... like if I *JUST* happen to see a rare game I know my BF doesn't have and he wants in the store, I'd pick it up just so noone else got it XD Especially if it was cheap =3 He collects stuff like that so he'd appreciate it, and it'd be one of those things yeu can't really wait for, and I KNOW I couldn't keep my mouth shut about it until christmas or whotever, so I'd just fork it over on the spot XD

    Small things like that though, spur of the moment because yeu see something that would be perfect, that's about the only gift I truly enjoy, either giving, or receiving. Something yeu know would be appreciated and personal to them. One of my most prized possessions is actually an animation of a 3D piece of wood with the word "MEOW" carved into it, or at least that's whot it's supposed to be, it looks more like metal than wood but whotever XD Point is, it's something special that was given to me by an EX that, admittedly I'm GRRR at them now, since they left on rather harsh terms... but anyway, the thing is, I'd vastly prefer something simple like that for real, just a simple necklace with a thin piece of wood with something silly written on it, over a diamond ring XD

    Alright, sure I'm odd, but I'm sentimental on strange things. I never throw out birthday cards either, I have stuff dating back to like... grade 2-3 or so? Since I started keeping that stuff in my room and not letting my parents throw them out anyway XD

    It's strange, I suppose, but it's something that means something, and that I cling to. Even if it's kind of irrational I suppose =3

  10. #20
    Pumpernickel
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    On giving:

    It kills me inside to give somebody a gift that is less than perfect, so I'll go all out and probably overspend and think through the entire life cycle of the gift to make sure that it is actually practical to get it. I'll also talk to all of that persons close friends to figure out what exactly they need. Also I'll try to get them to drop hints on what they want like months before their birthday. It DOES make me anxious to give gifts cause i dont like to be watching someones reaction as they try to pretend theyre happy and pleasantly surprised when really theyre not all that excited with waht you got them.

    On receiving:
    I definitely prefer practical gifts that are not too sentimental but at the same time show that that person pays attention and noticed something that is special to me. I get caught off guard by really sentimental gifts cause that just brings about awkward moments, or gifts that are so impractical that i have to bite my tongue from instantly reacting like "wtf am i supposed to actually do with this?". Yes I will judge them based on their gift and yes price is sort of important.

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