I'm wondering if anyone can give me some advice/help on something bad i'm going through at the moment
Ive been seeing this girl for about 8 months, only the last 2 have we been officially in a relationship,shes 20 and I'm 23.I met this girl through a friend, we got chatting on face book and ended up meeting on a night out.She had a boyfriend of 4 years at the time.That night she ended up coming back mine and we slept together, she then ended it with her boyfriend a day after.Shes always told me that she wasn't in love for 2 months prior and that it was going to end anyway and she felt really guilty over it and she didn't ever think she could cheat.obviously, for the next 6 months i took it slow, and didn't wanna get too attached to this girl because.
Main reason being i just got out of a 1 and a half year relationship which was bad, i was in love and was still getting over it.Another reason is because she cheated on her ex boyfriend, with me.Also,i seam to have a general trust issue with most people, and tbo, me and this girl it want love at first sight, and we didn't have this amazing connection that made me wanna trust her.So for 6 months, we just seen each other, but in between those 6 months i did some really stupid, neurotic, paranoid stuff.Like one night, i went into the bar she was working,she got me a drink, i stood there and this guy walked up to the bar and looked at her.
For some reason i had it in my head that they new each other, and i thought that maybe she had done things with him, or it was an ex boyfriend.I ended up reacting really bad, accusing her of sleeping with him and walking out the club with no evidence.And that's just one thing i did.One night, she came to mine about 11pm, and because i felt she was being funny with me and not talking, i kicked her out of my flat and told her go home.And another time i kicked off with her when she had work in the morning because she had her back to me and i took this the wrong way and made a massive issue out of it.For 3-4 weeks after that, things where different and she felt pressure whenever i could instigate sex and that just made me feel even more insecure and paranoid and made my behavior worse.It doesn't help that I'm out of work,and have been for 7 months.All i do is pretty much sit in and over think things.She started a new job about 2 weeks ago, and they way I've been feeling, my insecure and anxiety has just been getting worse.
The other day, she was ten mins late coming back from work, i decided to go to her works which is 3-4 mins walk and meet her, i was stood out there and i was going crazy, thinking that she was doing something with the boss and that's why she is late coming out.I felt so ill and sick when i got home with her.Another thing is, she was asked to go on this holiday with her sister and her sisters friends in 10 weeks for 5 days.We had this massive discussion about it and i didn't want her to go because i felt like the relationship wasn't strong enough, or at least my trust wasn't, or insecurity where too bad.
I know that she prob inst as close to me as she use to be, because i prob pushed her away with my behavior, and i don't think she 100% trust me.And my feeling on it are, if you are going to go on holiday when u don't really 100% trust me, or happy with me, how can i trust you? So today, she was 30 min late coming home from dinner because she was on a late call, and again i sat hear in my flat feeling worried, sick, insecure because i was worried something else was going on.So i just ended it with her,and she seamed to take it really well and shes coming to pick her stuff up form mine after work.I am worried that maybe most of the problems where me, and maybe if i got a job and sorted myself out it could of worked? I'm left unsure.I have been feeling more lately that maybe i do love her, I'm scared that Ive been the wrong choice in ending it, and maybe i just need to get my head together.My friends and family tell me I'm very very paranoid, and id be like this with any girl i get with.
This girl spends every day with me, took me London 5 months ago, buys me meal out all the time.I'm scared that actually she is a decent girl and that i have no reason not to trust her and the problem lies with me,and I'm gonna lose something potentially great
Oh yeh, We both did a quick personality test online, which was about 15 min long and i came up an intp and she came up a estp but I'm not sure if this was 100% accurate, but the intp profile does resonate with me ALOT