[INTP] Really getting sick of my intp preferences.

[targus28]

Im really getting sick of my intp preferences.

ATM all i'm doing is staying in my flat constantly all day when i know i should be out looking for work.I keep creating and trying these little 'life hacks' to get me motivation to get a job but i just don't seam to have the confidence to go out and look for one.Today i made my mind up that i was going have a 'do day',Got a few things sorted but now I'm back on hear, going all introspective searching the net for a answer to why I'm behaving like i am to try and fix it but i never do and go round and ******* round in circles,Its horrible! Everyone tells me to get a job, get a job, get a job, that's all i hear.I just wanna fit in and be normal like everyone else, it turns even worse when i get stressed and cant figure out how im feeling and i mess my life up even more! People say,i wont change, and maybe i wont, but i know if i don't i'm doomed,relationships, money etc, and changing or improving my situation in the outside world is so so stressful i just resort back to endless time on the computer.It feels like i need someone by my side to help me get on my feet, but when i try and get help no1 understands to be able to give me the correct help.Its so horrible, because i know what i need to do, i know what will help me, but doing it is another thing.Im wondering if anyone on hear can help me? Im really in a rut, 10 weeks behind on rent, going more more unhealthy in the head, and just cant get myself out of this

 

[JocktheMotie]

Have you considered self employment?

 

[Rebe]

Today i made my mind up that i was going have a 'do day',Got a few things sorted but now I'm back on hear, going all introspective searching the net for a answer to why I'm behaving like i am to try and fix it but i never do and go round and ******* round in circles,Its horrible! Everyone tells me to get a job, get a job, get a job, that's all i hear.I just wanna fit in and be normal like everyone else, it turns even worse when i get stressed and cant figure out how im feeling and i mess my life up even more! People say,i wont change, and maybe i wont, but i know if i don't i'm doomed,relationships, money etc, and changing or improving my situation in the outside world is so so stressful.

1) Don't think about your rent or your friends or your relationships or your money or your type all at once in one day.

2) When you are searching for a job, don't think about the interview process or the actual job or your social inabilities or whatever. Just concentrate on the search - find a opportunity that you like or even, one that is tolerable. Make a list. Maybe three jobs possibilities at a time.

3) When calling about the three jobs, don't think about all three. Think about one and don't think about the interview process, think about the phone call/email only. Do the best that you can one single step at a time; don't fret over the future all at once.

4) When getting ready for the interview, don't think about how you'd be able to cultivate relationships while on the job or for your social life, think about the interview and what you can do with the knowledge that you have at that point, not what you could improve on and can't possibly do, do the best that you can at that point in your life and know that you are always learning and always improving. Don't beat yourself down. Accomplish one single step at a time. Don't worry about rent or getting fired from this job.

5) Be good to yourself when you do these little steps well. And keep doing it. If you look at your massive list of worries/concerns/insecurities, you will never get out of bed/out of the house. (I am the same way.) Just concentrate on the step in front of you, just take one tiny step forward. You can do it.

 

[targus28]

Have you considered self employment?

Yes i have considered it but its such a battle trying to figure myself out and coping with how my head works that i struggle to stay balanced and focused and healthy to come up with good ideas for my own business, and even if i did, i don't think i'm balanced of healthy enough to keep it going right now.Maybe ill just gotta ride this through, its horrible though.Im constantly feeling unsettled and anxious, about the future.Ive had some great ideas for my own e book, but that wont bring me money right away, so ill still feel anxious and unsettled about the future...."whats if i get chucked out of flat for not having rent" "whats if my girlfriend gets sick of her paying for everything and me having no money" I really do need a job, but the only thing i could guarantee to land right now is somewhere like McDonald's, and the way my head works, thinking works, it would be a hugely stressful thing and goes mostly against my preferences for work.I feel like i just need to grab life by the balls and stop being such a pussy! but at the same time i cant help not having the right developed functions to do a job like that without 'putting it on' sort of speak, but that is a hugely stressful thing, which i could do, but that would itself affect my my desire to make music, which i love doing.So it seams i cant win.I suppose thats life

 

[targus28]

1) Don't think about your rent or your friends or your relationships or your money or your type all at once in one day.

2) When you are searching for a job, don't think about the interview process or the actual job or your social inabilities or whatever. Just concentrate on the search - find a opportunity that you like or even, one that is tolerable. Make a list. Maybe three jobs possibilities at a time.

3) When calling about the three jobs, don't think about all three. Think about one and don't think about the interview process, think about the phone call/email only. Do the best that you can one single step at a time; don't fret over the future all at once.

4) When getting ready for the interview, don't think about how you'd be able to cultivate relationships while on the job or for your social life, think about the interview and what you can do with the knowledge that you have at that point, not what you could improve on and can't possibly do, do the best that you can at that point in your life and know that you are always learning and always improving. Don't beat yourself down. Accomplish one single step at a time. Don't worry about rent or getting fired from this job.

5) Be good to yourself when you do these little steps well. And keep doing it. If you look at your massive list of worries/concerns/insecurities, you will never get out of bed/out of the house. (I am the same way.) Just concentrate on the step in front of you, just take one tiny step forward. You can do it.

Thanks for the reply I like what you say about one step at a time,i think as INTPs we seam to view life through the side window of the car,observing and watching life a it goes by,sometimes we just need to face forward and get the car moving

It find it extremely hard, especially when i'm stressing out, i don't know how i'm feeling!

 

[INTP]

I totally feel you bro, but somehow i have always got thru most the things with some kind of miracle like easy opportunities that come by after some time of doing nothing about things or have got so used to them that they wont bother me that much, but few things about being like that still bothers me quite alot at times.

I dont really know how to help you with this because im so much like that myself also, but ill share anyways, maybe youll figure out something or someone can help me figure out few things myself or atleast i can rant a little .

That needing someone by my side comment stood out, but i kinda feel it as i need someone as a motivator who i want to improve myself for, and who can get a little help from if needed so i dont get stuck on doing nothing because i dont know what to do or am not sure exactly what to do so i dont do anything. Its not that i dont think that i would be good enough to do all these things just for me, but i kinda dont care enough since its not constantly bothering me enough.
For example i got this tooth that i should go get some root canal treatment(or what ever it is in english) done. It started bothering me like 3 years ago the first time, then after like a year from that it started hurting so bad that i had to go to dentist(i think getting off work one day when i was bored being there was a big motivator for that). Anyway i went to dentist that day and like week later for that first root canal treatment, they gave me a new appointment because it needed few treatments, i was sick that day when i had the appointment, but i was too lazy to call there and tell them im sick and getting a new appointment. Well the tooth started feeling better, but it only had this temporary filling on it because they put some medicine in it. Now like 5 months ago the temporary filling was starting to wear off too much, so i had to call an new appointment. I went there once(had a little motivator this time also), but they didnt give me new appointment and just told me to get one, i havent.. It still has this new temporary filling and some new meds in it, i have been thinking that im gonna get a new appointment somewhere soon, or actually i have been thinking that for few months. If i would get some girl for a date or something like that for a motivator, id go and get my tooth fixed tomorrow because i dont want to come off as this so lazy guy that he cant even get a appointment for a dentist..
Kinda the same thing with cleaning my house, luckily my friends dont come to my place often, so i dont have to clean my apartment for them(i hate cleaning more than anything and it takes forever to clean this place since i dont clean my house too often and i got pretty big apartment just for me and my cat). Another thing i should do but cant get my ass up grab a phone and just do it is trying to find new apprentice job. I got one now as a photographer and i love photography and i want to be able to make a living with it someday, but the one im in now(that i was able to get in easy that came to me like a miracle) doesent help me at all. My boss is my moms friend and im working on her organization that has nothing to do with photography, but they make these videos at times that they need photos for and one time they needed photos for their website. I have been there for about a year, but i only had to work for one to few hours like 6 times. i have been thinking that i should call to some newspaper or magazine if they would want a free photographer for few months, but i just cant be arsed to do that. I would get the same money, but would have to work more, but the thing isnt about that i would have to work more since i like photography and could learn there, but its summer and i dont have to worry about job and can just live freely now and thats great. I didnt get to school that would have started about same time as the job ends and i got no idea what to do then, maybe ill just live on social service for some time since that about 360€ for a month after rent and electricity bill is fine with me and i seriously dont want to go back doing the type of work i got profession for.

I try to find motivation for doing stuff anywhere, usually somewhere that is actually out of my reach, but that maybe could happen. Like i know this chick somehow from one photography forum who moved to helsinki(where i live) from the states, i was thinking if i should ask her to take pictures and i could show her the city a little(she seems a nice girl, but bit different than what i usually like(i think shes a esfp and more mainstream girl that i usually like), so i was thinking maybe this as a date or just go out and see if we like each other). Anyways i was pretty close of asking her out at one time and thats why i went to dentist last time. Girlfriend would be nice choice for a constant motivator and if i had this kind of constant motivator i feel like i would lose all these problems about not being able to do stuff.

My biggest thing that im trying to achieve is to learn how to socialize better and enfp girlfriend would be the perfect solution for this, because i can relate on how they socialize because of shared Ne(that they use better than me), they like to socialize with new people and people who are new to me and i could be close to her watching and learning how the magic is done and join the conversations that she would start(untill i learn to do it better or get to know these new people better to i feel like i can talk to them freely). Finding any type of girlfriend would be really nice, but im so oblivious about everything around me(or around the posse im in) that i dont notice when girls look at me like their interested. Like two days ago when we went to a bar with my intj friend he told me later that two girls were looking me like they were interested, and i was looking the other one(that was in train) for like the whole 15 minutes that we were in the train, but i failed to notice that she was looking at me too when i wasnt looking at her..

Luckilly i got a steady income at the moment, so my rent isnt usually more than few weeks late(usually because i cant be arsed just to pay it even tho i would have the money).

I think thats enough ranting for now and i want to do other stuff now since im slightly stoned.

 

[Resonance]

Lifehack #3232323: Turn into an ESFJ (get REALLY stressed out, like getting pregnant or getting someone else pregnant)

 

[INTP]

1) Don't think about your rent or your friends or your relationships or your money or your type all at once in one day.

2) When you are searching for a job, don't think about the interview process or the actual job or your social inabilities or whatever. Just concentrate on the search - find a opportunity that you like or even, one that is tolerable. Make a list. Maybe three jobs possibilities at a time.

3) When calling about the three jobs, don't think about all three. Think about one and don't think about the interview process, think about the phone call/email only. Do the best that you can one single step at a time; don't fret over the future all at once.

4) When getting ready for the interview, don't think about how you'd be able to cultivate relationships while on the job or for your social life, think about the interview and what you can do with the knowledge that you have at that point, not what you could improve on and can't possibly do, do the best that you can at that point in your life and know that you are always learning and always improving. Don't beat yourself down. Accomplish one single step at a time. Don't worry about rent or getting fired from this job.

5) Be good to yourself when you do these little steps well. And keep doing it. If you look at your massive list of worries/concerns/insecurities, you will never get out of bed/out of the house. (I am the same way.) Just concentrate on the step in front of you, just take one tiny step forward. You can do it.

1) atleast for me my mind just starts wandering everywhere uncontrollable or ill just think about that one thing im thinking that day as much as i would be thinking all of the things, but not in a productive way.

2) starting to search and keeping the search up is the problem atleast for me and if i start to think about 3 options at time it feels like 4 times the work because i need to think about correlations between the 3 jobs also.

3) I only think that i have to pick up a phone, type the number and start talking. That makes it bit easier that i dont think about what im doing, but just go with the flow after the conversation starts, but the hardest part is picking up the phone and start calling places and thinking how i start the conversation etc.

4) I like this, but i think its better not to think about the interview either, just think about driving somewhere you have to go(or when you have to go to a bus) that in this situation is the interview. If i have to go somewhere that isnt totally comfortable to me i try not to think about it at all, or more than how i can get there and what i will wear that day.

5) In my case its about as much keeping up the motivation(for long) for job searching for example than starting to do things, something else comes to mind and it feels like i would need or want to do this for a while and then starting a job search(or what ever im trying to do) again feels allmoast as hard as it felt the first time i started it

 

[King sns]

1) Don't think about your rent or your friends or your relationships or your money or your type all at once in one day.

2) When you are searching for a job, don't think about the interview process or the actual job or your social inabilities or whatever. Just concentrate on the search - find a opportunity that you like or even, one that is tolerable. Make a list. Maybe three jobs possibilities at a time.

3) When calling about the three jobs, don't think about all three. Think about one and don't think about the interview process, think about the phone call/email only. Do the best that you can one single step at a time; don't fret over the future all at once.

4) When getting ready for the interview, don't think about how you'd be able to cultivate relationships while on the job or for your social life, think about the interview and what you can do with the knowledge that you have at that point, not what you could improve on and can't possibly do, do the best that you can at that point in your life and know that you are always learning and always improving. Don't beat yourself down. Accomplish one single step at a time. Don't worry about rent or getting fired from this job.

5) Be good to yourself when you do these little steps well. And keep doing it. If you look at your massive list of worries/concerns/insecurities, you will never get out of bed/out of the house. (I am the same way.) Just concentrate on the step in front of you, just take one tiny step forward. You can do it.

Excellent, excellent advise. One step at a time. All you need to do right now is go get an application. It has nothing to do with anything else. You are perfectly capable of going to pick up an application. Or doing whatever 1 step is next. Lots of excuses going on here.

 

[Lucky_Rabbit]

if ur tired of being u... maybe ur not being u

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

I understand 'unmotivation' like the back of my hand. If my mind is not occupied it falls into a tremendous slump, in which, I can almost barely remove myself to face the real world aka sitting and staring at a computer screen for hours at a time, usually a blank screen at that. This is a very dangerous thing because if you remove yourself from this world for too long things you forgot about begin adding up and as it goes a mountain of responsibilities build up and then you have a giant hole to dig yourself out of before you even begin moving the mountain in front of you. I think the one thing that we forget as being introverted is the fact that, if you view it a certain way, you can motivate yourself. Yes having someone hold your hand and give you those 'attaboys' is very nice, but this sort of thing builds an unhealthy dependence. I wouldn't really say be patient because things need to be done, but try to view the nagging as the motivation. If you wish to for it to end prove to them that you can take care of it.

 

[Shimmy]

@ targus28

There seems to be a trend amongst INTPs lately to want to change their lives. I'll give you the same advice I gave Mystic Tater, a method that has helped me in the past.

SMART Goals.

Set goals for yourself that follow these criteria. In business management this method is the most common one to determine and achieve your goals. The advantage of this method is that on top of determining your goals, you also think about how and when you can achieve them.

If you're a horrible procrastinator, like I am, make sure you write your goals down and hang them up somewhere prominent in your room so you run into them a lot. Also make sure your goals are not too big, complex or take too long. Rather than saying "I want to get a job in a month", go for "I want to finish my résumé within the next hour" followed by "I want to hand it out to five possible employers tomorrow" etc. Before you can run, you have to learn how to make babysteps.

Hope this will be useful for you.

 

[tcda]

if ur tired of being u... maybe ur not being u

This is a good point. Just a suggestion, but, more than "preferences", perhaps the problem is avidance due to lack of confidence, and the solution lies in addressing root insecurities preventing you from using your full potential?

 

[targus28]

This is a good point. Just a suggestion, but, more than "preferences", perhaps the problem is avidance due to lack of confidence, and the solution lies in addressing root insecurities preventing you from using your full potential?

My Feelings


Its definitely insecurity mixed with other things

I can't see how people just say 'lots of excuses going on hear' That me me is like telling a manic depressive, 'your depression is an excuse to get a job' He cant help but feel how it feels.I do think that of many types, INTPs would benefit A LOT from a personnel mentor, but that's never gonna happen.Or maybe that's just called a family, which i don't have

I dont know if INTPs can relate to this, but when i'm in a certain phrase (which normally lasts weeks or months) I try to think up little ways, life hacks, or ideas that can almost propel me forward (for now).Such as, ill trick my mind into thinking a certain way, to get me to do things i wouldn't otherwise do.For example, ill go searching for a quote on Google or a forum, convinced that there is something I'm not doing or aware of,that will suddenly and completely change my life! Like the other day, i found something on a self help forum saying ' KISS ' Keep it simple stupid! and it made me release that I'm over complicating things, ill take this on board, but it will be temporary, and 2-3 months down the line ill be back to my normal self and not really gone anywhere! Ill like im trying to find shortcuts to trick my mind into thinking differently, and maybe you really cant change that, maybe ive just gotta except that ill only learn to deal with how i am as i get older, but i wont change