Yes, I think it's a matter of commitment, not desire. It's possible to desire someone or something without wanting to be involved (and thus committed in some way) to them. You're just acknowledging a natural reaction to them. You can even love someone without being committed to a particular style of relationship with them, and thus find yourself able to be attracted to and willing to commit to others.Originally Posted by proximo
I can identify with that. That latter part to me is the "commitment" thing. If I'm with someone and I have a desire for someone else AND I find myself having to fight that feeling off all the time to keep from acting on it, it's showing me I'm not really committed to my current partner. If I'm happy and committed to the person I am with, then I can feel attracted to someone else but have no real desire to dump who I'm with to try to engage this other person; the desire is muted or rechanneled or irrelevant somehow. At least, that is what happens with me.I see a distinction between the different ways that attractiveness/sex appeal affects me, dependent on whether I'm in a relationship or not. If I'm not in a relationship, then if I see someone I find very desirable, I do actually want them (usually not enough to try to "get" them though!). If I am in a relationship and I see that same person, I can acknowledge their appeal, but am somehow detached from it, as though it doesn't really apply to me. It's as if the "like" and "want" parts of my brain have become disconnected...?