• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[NT] Fellow NT's - Are you cold?

copperfish17

New member
Joined
Dec 13, 2009
Messages
712
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Do you perceive yourself as a cold person? What is your definition of "cold"?

How about others? Do they perceive you as a cold person?

If you answered yes to the first question, does your coldness push people away?

Are you warm to certain people only? If so, who are those people and why are you warm to them?

(Also, dear Madmins: If this is a redundant thread, please delete it!)

NF's, if you happen to stumble by:

Do you think NT's are cold?

Are your NT friends cold?

How would you define "coldness"?
 

Kasper

Diabolical
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Not sure that I'm cold as much as disconnected from emotions when dealing with objective things, and as disconnected as I can be when dealing with subjective things. If others perceive that as cold I would be surprised, but I have been called unemotional in work environments before, I suspect that word is more apt.

On the other side though, I don't consider myself a warm person, I keep most people at a distance. I'm friendly enough to not be seen as cold, but not inviting enough to be called warm. I don't think I show the people I care about some kind of warmth, it's more like I show them unguarded.
 
F

figsfiggyfigs

Guest
In the words of Rick James.. " Cooold Bloodedddd"


...

I'm refereed to as "cold", "cold hearted", "icy","emotionless","unfeeling", "heartless" "made of rock", "soulless" and other equivalent words a few times on a weekly basis.

Mainly from my family, relatives, and some friends.

I honestly don't believe I am, I think I just come off as such because I prefer to be as objective as possible, even when I'm involved in the situation.
oh, and I don't fret/cry over the inevitable.

So, although I don't believe I'm a cold,heartless bitch. A lot of people seem to think so.

edit:

I should add, when I meet new people I'm usually very polite and welcoming, or as much as I can allow myself to be without feeling uncomfortable.
 

slowriot

He who laughs
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
1,314
Enneagram
5w4
I think people that know me well would consider me average warm as it is how I would like to be percieved. I would consider myself more of a frank person than cold person. If liking precision in thought from others then I guess I am a cold person.

Cold is a person that do not care of others and what their effect has on said people. Cold is forcing your oppinion on others without respect for people. There might be other descriptors.

cold   /koʊld/ Show Spelled [kohld] Show IPA adjective,-er, -est, noun, adverb
–adjective

4.lacking in passion, emotion, enthusiasm, ardor, etc.; dispassionate: cold reason.
5.not affectionate, cordial, or friendly; unresponsive: a cold reply; a cold reception.
6.lacking sensual desire: She remained cold to his advances.
7.failing to excite feeling or interest: the cold precision of his prose.
8.unexcitable; imperturbable: cold impassivity.
9.depressing; dispiriting: the cold atmosphere of a hospital waiting room.

According to this I am generally cold. But I dont consider myself like an extreme cold person. I do keep people at a certain distance yes.
 

proximo

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2009
Messages
584
I think the most perceptive phrase that's been used about me by someone else is "deceptively warm"... I was actually glad they said that, cos it showed they were actually paying attention to who I really am, rather than look for what they wanted to see on the surface, those Ne masks, you know?

I mean, I'm kind, I help people out, I'm friendly and usually at least appear sympathetic, even when I'm thinking "of course it went wrong, you fucking truncheon!"

But it doesn't come from empathy or emotional attachment. Too many people assume it does, then spit all kinds of hell at me when their delusion's exposed by - oh, say... I decline an invitation to some party of theirs, cos, though I was happy to help them out as a fellow human being, I'd rather give birth to a chair than spend an evening socialising with them and their insufferable family.

The other perceptive thing that was said about me was that though I'm a Good Person, I'm not always a Nice Person.

I
I'm refereed to as "cold", "cold hearted", "icy","emotionless","unfeeling", "heartless" "made of rock", "soulless" and other equivalent words a few times on a weekly basis.

Mainly from my family, relatives, and some friends.

Yeah I get shit like that still, though not so much any more... used to get it a LOT in my teens and 20's, but I've built up more Ne masks since then ;)
Now I get tedious eulogies about how warm and kind and passionate I am, which make me grind my teeth in despair, cos I know this person just really hasn't got the point of me at all. When they get to know me better, I get the "cold" and "heartless" shit sometimes...
 

proximo

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2009
Messages
584
Also, I think people confuse someone who doesn't wear their emotions on their sleeve with someone who doesn't HAVE any emotions.

I've had people - always Feelers - say things to me that were crueller and ruder than anything I'd even dream of saying to another person, based on their assumption that, because I don't show them, I therefore have no feelings. And they said those things INTENDING to hurt me - to "get a rise" out of me. When I've said things to people that they found hurtful, it's not been out of malice but actually because I believed that a constructive purpose was to be served, that it was in their interest to face up to some unpalatable truth, and I've still tried to put it as diplomatically as possible without compromising accuracy and punching power.
 

strawberries

shadow boxer
Joined
Apr 20, 2010
Messages
947
MBTI Type
----
'The thing with Dickie... it's like the sun shines on you, and it's glorious. And then he forgets you and it's very, very cold...when you have his attention, you feel like you're the only person in the world.' - marge from the talented mr ripley
 
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Do you perceive yourself as a cold person? What is your definition of "cold"?

Nope, I don't think so. Depends on who you're comparing me to, though. But on an average, pretty lukewarm, I'd say. Mother does not agree, though. But she's a softy.

How about others? Do they perceive you as a cold person?

Most of them do, even some family members and close friends. But I bet my bf has another story. I hope :huh:

If you answered yes to the first question, does your coldness push people away?

No, my "coldness" doesn't push people away, I think. But my directness has burned some bridges, though.

Are you warm to certain people only? If so, who are those people and why are you warm to them?

Yes, the bf and my only girlfriend. And I try to be towards my family. I want to say it depends on how they are towards me, and I sort of give the same energy back, but that's not true. My mom is the warmest person I know, the most caring, and she perceives me as cold. I don't know why certain people get a special treatment, maybe it's something special I feel for them. Maybe I detect a certain level of vulnerability in them, and so I can be vulnerable back? I really have no idea. Most likely, I find it draining to be warm (what is warm..??) towards people, so I save my energy for people I truly value. (I truly value my family, too. So I try).
 

Drezoryx

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2009
Messages
213
MBTI Type
ENTp
no im very warm. its against your interests to be cold :)
 

InsatiableCuriosity

New member
Joined
May 20, 2010
Messages
698
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
Do you perceive yourself as a cold person? What is your definition of "cold"?
I don't think I am cold. More analytically dispassionate until I have all facts on a situation then I weigh up whether to apply compassion and assistance if needed.

How about others? Do they perceive you as a cold person?

My students and colleagues would probably say that I am empathetic and supportive however I have no time for colleagues or students who are unethical or have attention seeking personality disorders.

If you answered yes to the first question, does your coldness push people away?
I choose to remain at a distance from many people and only socially associate with family and a select few people with whom I can carry on a deep conversation.

I am known as very dogged when it comes to dealing with bullies or people who make ignorant sweeping remarks and can be exceptionally cool and cutting but use clear reasoning in my comments.

I served as Lecturers' Representative a few years back on the anti-bullying policy development group and frequently challenged people there - much to the delight of the college psychologist I might add. :hi:

Are you warm to certain people only? If so, who are those people and why are you warm to them?

I do seem to mentally cross some people off a mental association list based on my perception of their ethics, intellect and what is important to them.

I also add people I admire to that mental list on the odd occasion but usually steer clear of friendships across hierarchical barriers where I work so that nothing compromises either of our positions or presents a conflict of interest. I look at them and think to myself "under other circumstances I think we could be friends".

Those few people I admit to my inner circle believe me to be warm and I seem to be considered to be open and approachable by all colleagues and students. Must be the high EQ and Fi?
 

Salomé

meh
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,527
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm refereed to as "cold", "cold hearted", "icy","emotionless","unfeeling", "heartless" "made of rock", "soulless" and other equivalent words a few times on a weekly basis.
What about robot/android? That's my fav.

So, although I don't believe I'm a cold,heartless bitch. A lot of people seem to think so.
+1
People I'm close to don't perceive me as cold (or so they say) but most everyone else, yeah, pretty much.

I haven't really given much thought to what it means. Can't say I've ever thought of someone being cold as a bad thing (unlike "heartless bitch", which is less.. equivocal). It's not synonymous with cruelty. It's about energy. How much emotional energy one emits. Some people have superior insulation. :)
Funny that warmth is universally regarded as a positive trait. Sometimes, overly warm people make me uncomfortable. As in "I think I'll just step outside for a bit...".
*runs*
'The thing with Dickie... it's like the sun shines on you, and it's glorious. And then he forgets you and it's very, very cold...when you have his attention, you feel like you're the only person in the world.' - marge from the talented mr ripley
Dickie's an NT???
 

proximo

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2009
Messages
584
It's not synonymous with cruelty. It's about energy. How much emotional energy one emits. Some people have superior insulation. :)

I love that way of putting it! :)

An important distinction, that is. I think "warm" people sort of fear a person who seems not to have, or show feelings, and assume that this renders them more capable of cruelty...
 

InsatiableCuriosity

New member
Joined
May 20, 2010
Messages
698
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
Just thought I would expand on my ditto comment - my dad who is now in his 70s is a bipolar ENFP and was a social butterfly, serial ladies' man and the life of the party. He was also very strongly bipolar.

Whenever we were out together he would assume intimate friendship with anyone and everyone, even those he had just met, dropped names like blazes and very loudly had to be the center of attention.

My INTPness wanted to crawl into a crevice whenever he stood up in a restaurant and began to sing Volare - very loudly, with a dreadful voice.
 

proximo

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2009
Messages
584
Whenever we were out together he would assume intimate friendship with anyone and everyone, even those he had just met, dropped names like blazes and very loudly had to be the center of attention.

I know someone like that. It's ironic, cos people call him "warm" and "caring", yet his warmth doesn't really have much to do with caring at all... it's more about being desperate to get attention and have people like, think and speak well of him. In all the years I've known him, I've never known him send a single birthday or Christmas card... he'll always use the excuse that he was too broke.... pretty lame. And he will try to con you if he can; he'll have the shirt off your back if he thinks he can get it without you noticing.

When people meet us together, they see him as the warm, friendly one and me as the cold, distant one. They instantly like him and distrust me. When they get to know us better and deal with us over a period of time, invariably, they gradually cut off ties with him and prefer to deal with me... which speaks for itself, I think.
 

Weber

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
202
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5
On the inside I am approximately 37 °C, which corresponds to ~99 °F for you silly Americans.
 

InsatiableCuriosity

New member
Joined
May 20, 2010
Messages
698
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
I know someone like that. It's ironic, cos people call him "warm" and "caring", yet his warmth doesn't really have much to do with caring at all... it's more about being desperate to get attention and have people like, think and speak well of him. In all the years I've known him, I've never known him send a single birthday or Christmas card... he'll always use the excuse that he was too broke.... pretty lame. And he will try to con you if he can; he'll have the shirt off your back if he thinks he can get it without you noticing.

When people meet us together, they see him as the warm, friendly one and me as the cold, distant one. They instantly like him and distrust me. When they get to know us better and deal with us over a period of time, invariably, they gradually cut off ties with him and prefer to deal with me... which speaks for itself, I think.

Almost sounds like sociopathic tendency too???

This is very interesting - Dad holds grudges and now suffers from persecution complex and gathers "evidence" that people are out to get him.

I have just caught up with someone who was a babysitter when I was a child and she remembers dad as a warm and sociable person whereas my own perspective has been to draw away from him and his over-the-top extraverted feeling. I now feel sorry for him that his need for attention has evolved to where it is now.

You would have to also feel sorry for your friend being this way - I think it would be awful to be so insecure as to constantly need external validation like he does!
 
R

Riva

Guest
How about others? Do they perceive you as a cold person?
The most rational of the rationals are the INTPs?

Detached and cold they might appear, but this I have noticed is more appearance than fact. Ne nor Ti crave to be warm and warm they not. And they are not hug expecting bunnies but they crave for some warmth just like all other types. Not so cold afterall.
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
I wouldn't say cold. It's not an active, conscious maliciousness that others [not anyone here] seem to think, or how they use the term. I've been called that before. Usually take it as a compliment, actually. It's just the general absence of emotional energy one way or the other.

With some friends and especially the GF, I'm "warm" I suppose. I smile. I joke. I poke fun. I put on the goofy hat. A nice release. Although once interaction moves beyond lighter conversation and into a more serious realm, it all goes out the window.
 
Top