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  1. #21
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    When people meet us together, they see him as the warm, friendly one and me as the cold, distant one. They instantly like him and distrust me. When they get to know us better and deal with us over a period of time, invariably, they gradually cut off ties with him and prefer to deal with me... which speaks for itself, I think.
    This reminds me of something someone said to me recently: "It's like you're inside-out, you show your worst side. You're the opposite of most people - they act friendly and caring but really don't give a damn; you really give a damn but act like you don't care".

    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    I think "warm" people sort of fear a person who seems not to have, or show feelings, and assume that this renders them more capable of cruelty...
    True. And clinical cruelty is often perceived as being more frightening than someone having an emotional meltdown, although you're much more likely to be harmed by an impassioned hysteric than a psychopath.
    A total lack of empathy does render a person more capable of cruelty, of course.

    Personally, I think restraint is a massively under-appreciated quality. It gives me goosebumps. Perhaps that's because I know what's under the covers.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  2. #22
    *hmmms* theadoor's Avatar
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    Yeah people once in a while call me ''the cold one'', ''Miss Heartless'', ''too cool for everything'' and my favorite ''ice queen'' People never come to me to get sympathy (once one of my feeler friends came to me and said, ''Elina, I know that feelings are gay, but ...'' ), they come to get advice. And I'm more than okay with that, I guess. I prefer real coldness over fake emotions.
    Oh yeah?

  3. #23
    Riva
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    I prefer real coldness over fake emotions.
    ^ Unless you are a emotionally redundant sociopath you sure do have emotions. You just haven't learned to be comfortable with them. It's not a reason to be proud of. This is a common mistake a lot of NTs make.

  4. #24
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    What about robot/android? That's my fav.
    Damn I knew I forgot something... -___-. My mom says she might as well have a computer as her daughter. LOL

    Funny that warmth is universally regarded as a positive trait. Sometimes, overly warm people make me uncomfortable. As in "I think I'll just step outside for a bit...".
    *runs*
    Ya... I'm like that too. I'm usually nice, until I start feeling that I'm causing to much warmth to radiate. I'll bolt when someone becomes too friendly for my liking, and I don't mean overtly friendly. Just what others might consider very normal and super sweet, I might consider extremely awkward. LOL

  5. #25
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    Do you perceive yourself as a cold person? What is your definition of "cold"?
    No, I'm actually a very warm person, but the more you know me I guess that starts to wear off apparently, thus having my closest friends call me 'cold'. Cold to me isn't distant or detached from emotions per say, but more of intentionally being over-critical and/or cynical towards others more than being unaware.

    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    How about others? Do they perceive you as a cold person?
    Like said above, people see me as a very warm, personable person at first. It's when you get to know me I become more distant, maybe because I just get uncomfortable when I actually get close to people, because the closer people are to you, the easier they can betray you and make it hurt.


    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    Are you warm to certain people only? If so, who are those people and why are you warm to them?
    I'm warm to everyone I meet, until they say or do something that makes them undeserving of my kindness otherwise, then I become even nicer (kindness kills). There are people who think I'm instantly cold because I objectively criticized them, but they are too F to function and personally I think they make other Fs look bad

  6. #26
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    With some friends and especially the GF, I'm "warm" I suppose. I smile. I joke. I poke fun. I put on the goofy hat. A nice release. Although once interaction moves beyond lighter conversation and into a more serious realm, it all goes out the window.
    Pretty much describes me. : )

  7. #27
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Not sure that I'm cold as much as disconnected from emotions when dealing with objective things, and as disconnected as I can be when dealing with subjective things. If others perceive that as cold I would be surprised, but I have been called unemotional in work environments before, I suspect that word is more apt.

    On the other side though, I don't consider myself a warm person, I keep most people at a distance. I'm friendly enough to not be seen as cold, but not inviting enough to be called warm. I don't think I show the people I care about some kind of warmth, it's more like I show them unguarded.
    Yep, I agree with this. I haven't been called "cold" outright in years, but I used to get it all the time. I've sharpened my Fe skills and learned to smile more, which puts people at ease. I think before, they felt like I was examining and judging them, which couldn't have been further from the truth. But yeah, I wouldn't say I'm warm, either. Friendly, polite, sure.

    Quote Originally Posted by proximo View Post
    Also, I think people confuse someone who doesn't wear their emotions on their sleeve with someone who doesn't HAVE any emotions.

    I've had people - always Feelers - say things to me that were crueller and ruder than anything I'd even dream of saying to another person, based on their assumption that, because I don't show them, I therefore have no feelings. And they said those things INTENDING to hurt me - to "get a rise" out of me. When I've said things to people that they found hurtful, it's not been out of malice but actually because I believed that a constructive purpose was to be served, that it was in their interest to face up to some unpalatable truth, and I've still tried to put it as diplomatically as possible without compromising accuracy and punching power.
    YES. Very often the people who come off as warm or "passionate" are the ones who will get you in the jugular if you even accidentally hurt them. I never get personal and hurtful. I could be furious at you, like secretly want to kill you with a brick, and still never say something nasty to you (or throw confidential information back in your face) out of spite or malice. I don't believe in intentionally hurting people or being cruel.

    I'm really not a cold person at all, but I am detached, and I don't have the energy to be bestest friends with everyone who likes me.
    Something Witty

  8. #28
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    I'm so warm I'm hot

    Loved the Rippley reference, I suspect I can be a little like that when I wander off and get excited about something or someone else.... But still I'm natrually warm.

    Although I do remember my mother once calling me hard. I'd got a friend to streak my hair when I was about 15 (because she had said no) my friend had made a pigs ear of it and I did infact look like a hooker.

    My mum sent me to bed (It was late in the evening), then stormed into my room saying I looked like a tart. Then stormed out, only to reappear and cry - You're hard - your siter would have cried if I'd said that to her, and stormed out yet again (It took a lot of energy not to laugh). My thinking was hell baby I grew up with 9 older bros - I was well use to having every personal choice I made ridiculed.

  9. #29
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    I've been called distant, aloof, and detached more than cold. That said, my friends have recently begun to jokingly refer to me as a sociopath.

    Oh, but I have been called "ice queen" once before, and my family members often say that I'm emotionless or a bitch.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  10. #30
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I don't have the energy to be bestest friends with everyone who likes me.
    + a million for that!

    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post

    Personally, I think restraint is a massively under-appreciated quality. It gives me goosebumps. Perhaps that's because I know what's under the covers.
    Absolutely. What's more, it's just so much more considerate. I mean, restraining your own passions, to me, means allowing other people the freedom to make their own choices and feel their feelings authentically, without feeling pressured or held "hostage" by your emotions/needs/whatever. To me, this means that whatever they then give you comes from pure free will and sincerity, and is therefore worth a thousand of anything you can get by using your feelings as leverage.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

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