[NT] The NT Females' List of Deal Breakers

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

I'm curious now from reading the "NT Females - Are Relationships Difficult" thread. I've seen a lot of us referring to themselves as having high standards, being 'picky' and knowing immediately when a relationship won't work.

What are the minimum characteristics that you REQUIRE in a potential mate? If you won't date someone who likes crunchy peanut butter... lets have it. Lets have an extensive list, be it physical, personality related, quirk related, maturity/responsibility related, etc, etc.

Lets do the MUST HAVE, the I PREFER, the PREFER NOT and the DEALBREAKERS

Here is mine...

MUST HAVE's

A stable job
A stable home life
Self Respecting
Truthful
Funny
Enjoys debates/knowledgeable
Responsible/Dependable


Prefer NOT to deal with if possible

Smokers
Night Owls
Computer/Gaming addicts (Must be able to balance with other activities)
Drama seekers
Red Sox Fans (hahaha)
Someone who always has to be out of the house doing something to be happy


I Prefer/Think I would connect better with someone who...

Has a love/passion for music - any kind, either creating or enjoying others'
Has knowledge of literature and likes to read
Someone who can handle finances and plans ahead


DEAL BREAKERS

Criminal record
Abusive/Controlling/Unwarranted Jealousy
Drugs
Married
Cheaters


I might think of more, but thats a start.

Lets see if we're unreasonable...

 

[MacGuffin]

Are you sure this isn't for NTJ women?

I see lists and dealbreakers far less from NTPs.

 

[Amethyst]

MUST HAVE
Humor
Respect for themselves and others
An Open Mind
Responsibility
Maturity
Intelligence that isn't far from mine
Ambition (I don't really care in what, per say, but just as long as they want to be the best of whatever they want to be)
Passion

Prefer NOT to deal with if possible
If they have anything to do with baseball or golf
Guys who don't talk all that much
...meh, I'll think of others...this area is really vague, since for me it's either a yes or a no, not a 'oh, well I can get over that'...not yet, at least

I Prefer/Think I would connect better with someone who...
Is interested in similar things, yet we have separate interests
Has vast knowledge about a ton of things, but we are able to teach and educate each other
Is open to new things to do and try

DEAL BREAKERS
Smokers
Addicts of any sort
Married
Has Kids
Cheaters
Any sort of controlling/abusive/mentally unhealthy guy

 

[Weber]

Are you sure this isn't for NTJ women?

I see lists and dealbreakers far less from NTPs.

Don't you see how much easier dating would be if everyone used lists and point systems?!

 

[Aerithria]

MUST HAVE's

Ambition
Self-respect
Honesty
Good sense of humour
Open-minded
Passion
Dependability
Adventurous

Prefer NOT to deal with if possible

Drama seekers
Sports nuts
Overly romantic/affectionate people

I Prefer/Think I would connect better with someone who...

Has knowledge of literature and likes to read
Someone who can handle finances and plans ahead
Shares similar tastes in food (i.e. not being required to cook two separate meals)

DEAL BREAKERS

Criminal record (within reason -- some offenses are worse than others)
Abusive/Controlling/Unwarranted Jealousy
Drugs
Married
Cheaters
Smokers
People who require constant attention
People who let other people dictate their lives

 

[Tamske]

Don't you see how much easier dating would be if everyone used lists and point systems?!

No, it makes things impossible. Experiment first, rationalize later.

Must haves: ?

Preferably: some imagination, intelligence, a passion for board games

Rather not: pet owner, smoker (I have allergy and asthma. And I want to live long and healthy.)

Dealbreaker: being ashamed when someone in your vicinity is using Ne. (meaning: regarding playing/singing/inventing /...as silly and childish)

Yes, this is with hindsight. Yes, I've broken a relationship for the reasons listed above... after trying to shut down my dominant function for a few years.

Of course, now those 'lists' are in the bin... I'm happily married

 

[ragashree]

Don't you see how much easier dating would be for -NTJs if everyone else used lists and point systems too?! They could just meet a prospective applicant for the position of New Partner and check their requirements against the applicant's expectations to ensure maximum future compatibility with the role!

Fixed

 

[Weber]

Fixed

One can only dream of such a glorious future.

 

[Salomé]

Prefer NOT to deal with if possible

1. People who make lists.

 

[ragashree]

One can only dream of such a glorious future.

This "getting to know people" nonsense is so inefficient, and takes up so much valuable time you could be productively spending on other endeavours...

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

Oh my god... my heart just fluttered with excitement thinking about this...

Originally Posted by Weber AND Ragashree

Don't you see how much easier dating would be for -NTJs if everyone else used lists and point systems too?! They could just meet a prospective applicant for the position of New Partner and check their requirements against the applicant's expectations to ensure maximum future compatibility with the role!

 

[InsatiableCuriosity]

Prefer NOT to deal with if possible

1. People who make lists.

 

[copperfish17]

Originally Posted by Weber AND Ragashree

Don't you see how much easier dating would be for -NTJs if everyone else used lists and point systems too?! They could just meet a prospective applicant for the position of New Partner and check their requirements against the applicant's expectations to ensure maximum future compatibility with the role!

That's... quite... bizarre, for the lack of a better word.

Also, it seems quite pretentious to me to make a list of requirements other people have to meet in order to be "good enough" for you (not implying that this is the case here, but that's one way of looking at it - seriously, a "MUST HAVES" list?!).

I personally quite enjoy the process of "getting to know people" (provided I actually found someone I want to get to know better - and this is quite rare, TBH)... You never know what surprises are coming.

Meh, that's just me.

 

[Totenkindly]

Are you sure this isn't for NTJ women?

I see lists and dealbreakers far less from NTPs.

Lol....exactly what i was thinking -- for me, everything has to be in context rather than isolation, and potential/momentum is also involved.

i'll post what things i can think of later.

 

[Tallulah]

Eh, whatever. It's not so much a list as things you've learned don't work for you.
Obviously, the right guy would make some of those things listed unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

Must have:
Intelligent, but not pretentious
Funny
Sweet/Thoughtful
Honest
Takes decent care of themselves

Prefer Not to Deal with:
Sports nuts
People who are extreme in their political views

I Would Do Better With:
Someone in a creative field
Someone who acknowledges spirituality, even if it's not the same way I do
Someone who is a little more outgoing than I am
Someone who can go with the flow

Dealbreaker:
Smoker
Excessive, frat-boy drinker
Criminal history
Buttload of kids (A couple is fine)
Pretentious a-hole
Doesn't like or respect animals
Pretentious/self-absorbed

 

[Salomé]

Lists frighten me.

I mean, I'm too lazy to actually sit down and write one, plus it seems like a narrowing of options which never feels good, no matter how irrational that might be. But beyond that, what excuse would I have if I ever actually met someone who "ticked all the boxes"?

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

That's... quite... bizarre, for the lack of a better word.

Also, it seems quite pretentious to me to make a list of requirements other people have to meet in order to be "good enough" for you (not implying that this is the case here, but that's one way of looking at it - seriously, a "MUST HAVES" list?!).

I personally quite enjoy the process of "getting to know people" (provided I actually found someone I want to get to know better - and this is quite rare, TBH)... You never know what surprises are coming.

Meh, that's just me.

You're telling me that you don't have any thoughts that cross your mind about preferences, people or habits that aggravate you, types of behaviours that you experienced in the past that were detrimental to a relationship... nothing?

Everyone has expectations and standards.

Now, whether or not they even recognize that they're looking for those things (or that they are eliminating potential dates based on them) would be an interesting question.

 

[Salomé]

You're telling me that you don't have any thoughts that cross your mind about preferences, people or habits that aggravate you, types of behaviours that you experienced in the past that were detrimental to a relationship... nothing?

Everyone has expectations and standards.

Now, whether or not they even recognize that they're looking for those things (or that they are eliminating potential dates based on them) would be an interesting question.

I dunno. Maybe if you're buying a car or selecting between jobs. Pros and cons can help. With people, it just seems icky. Does anyone fall in love because of a box-ticking exercise? Personal chemistry shouldn't really be called chemistry at all. It's pretty unscientific. The only thing I could really put on a list is that if I'm attracted to someone, there's probably something really wrong with them. But I don't think that helps.

 

[sammy]

I'm with Morgan Le Fay on this one.

Lists are taking things out of context and setting arbitrary limits to what you will accept before you even get to know someone. Fine, don't date a rapist or a child molester, but would you ask him that on a first date, anyway?

Yeah, baby, do a background check on me! ... No, not my ass!

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

I dunno. Maybe if you're buying a car or selecting between jobs. Pros and cons can help. With people, it just seems icky. Does anyone fall in love because of a box-ticking exercise? Personal chemistry shouldn't really be called chemistry at all. It's pretty unscientific. The only thing I could really put on a list is that if I'm attracted to someone, there's probably something really wrong with them. But I don't think that helps.

Agreed. People are too complex, chemistry and love are too capricious. Just as an example, I have a standard answer for what my ideal woman looks like physically...but no one I've ever dated looks like that. I mean, yeah, I understand crossing off things like "felon" and "married". But to go too deep into it seems like a confirmation of all the worst things people think about NTs.

And this has nothing to do with the fact that based on your lists, none of you would ever date me