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  1. #61
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orpheus View Post
    6,697,254,041 replies and I'll be convinced. Of course not all artists smoke, but highlighting an obvious exaggeration used for dramatic effect is still pedantic. So, why the hatred for smokers? Does it matter if I also run 6 miles a day? I'm just questioning the rationale used for everyone's deal breakers. Many have stated that certain aspects of their lists will be evaluated in context, but then a list is irrelevant.
    I don't hate smokers. I just don't want one in the same house as I am, because I get REALLY out of breath and feel ill. My lungs are literally too small and weak. Almost any contaminant can tip the scales from "feeling well" to "feeling ill"; pollen, cat hair, smog, ... smoke.
    I don't want to live together with someone who makes me ill. I'm able to be your coworker and your friend. The fact that you care for your own health is good, of course; but if you want to live together with me you have to take care of my health too. It's a selfish reason.
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  2. #62
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Misty_Mountain_Rose View Post
    You're telling me that you don't have any thoughts that cross your mind about preferences, people or habits that aggravate you, types of behaviours that you experienced in the past that were detrimental to a relationship... nothing?
    Ah, I'm not saying that at all. I echo the sentiments in these posts, specifically:

    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    I just don't find it helpful to construct [a list], maybe I just don't know myself well enough, but part of me instinctively rebels against the process.
    Quote Originally Posted by strawberries View Post
    i think if i bothered to collate my list it would contain anti-social behaviours and criminal behaviours, which reflect societal norms and therefore not a very useful selection criteria... defeats the purpose of making the list.
    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    I genuinely can't come up with a definitive list, and have no need of one. But that doesn't mean I don't have standards, as in, anything goes.
    Most of the things I could think of would be self-evident (e.g. not a pedophile/rapist/wife-beater) and wouldn't shed any light on specific issues for NT women or me personally.


    Would I have an open relationship, for example? Maybe. I don't know. I'd have to see how I felt at the time, with the person(s) in question. I'm not really comfortable ruling things out. It doesn't violate any of my principles, but at the same time I don't know if jealousy would be a problem.

    ...

    Part of the issue is that I know I've been wrong in the past about what I want or like or would put up with or find attractive, and I'm just as likely to be wrong now.
    The heart wants what it wants.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I think the problem is that for some people, the list is clear-cut; for others, each individual is a "package" and no one is going to fit the items, and it's not easy to define ahead of time which items are dependent (or how much) on other items or can be bartered back and forth; hence, it's just a lot easier and far more realistic to look at an individual case and determine whether it'll be acceptable or not rather than trying to create a standardized general list apart from the individual. We are not laying pipe here, we are exploring relationships....
    Also, I'm sure most people look better IRL than on paper.
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    The worst mistake people make in political arguments is assuming that the other side is not trying to do the right thing. This simple oversight makes productive conversation nearly impossible.

  3. #63
    Senior Member ZPowers's Avatar
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    I'm an ex-smoker (well, more honestly, I'd probably still be considered as 'quitting' by most, but for the time being my clothes and breath are non-smokey and there is not a pack in my pocket, so by what measure a man, I suppose) and I think we all know there's certain non-personal aspects of smoking that are less than great, even those of us who do smoke. It doesn't bother me (I stopped for other reasons, money first and health second), but I can't blame people for being bothered by it.

    I also used to know someone who could never date a smoker because someone she cared about died due to smoking related issues, which seemed fair to me.
    Does he want a pillow for his head?

  4. #64
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Must connect with me.

    Must be open minded.

    Won't tolerate any form of bigotry.

    Must understand and appreciate the fine art form of sarcasm.

    Ideally loves fun and adventure.

    Other than that I'm with Morgan et al, narrowing options isn't my thing, in the right context most things could be acceptable.

    I don't like the idea of getting involved with someone who has previously been married, but I wouldn't write someone off for it, I'm not really interested in getting involved with someone with kids, but again I wouldn't make it a deal breaker. On the extreme even things like drug use, someone with a police record or ex-con could have reasons for their actions that I consider acceptable, so why blanket refuse to even consider them?

    Basically anything I've decided on in the past that would be a level of standards have been shot to shit if and when I met someone who I connected with emotionally and intellectually.

    Any list I create would be so generic and cliché that it's pointless. I'll just go; with I know it when I see it.

  5. #65
    What is, is. Arthur Schopenhauer's Avatar
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    Women.
    INTJ | 5w4 - Sp/Sx/So | 5-4-(9/1) | RLoEI | Melancholic-Choleric | Johari & Nohari

    This will not end well...
    But it will at least be poetic, I suppose...

    Hmm... But what if it does end well?
    Then I suppose it will be a different sort of poetry, a preferable sort...
    A sort I could become accustomed to...



  6. #66
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MagnificentMind View Post
    Women.
    Well, we do invest more than our share in the offspring - large eggs, the mitochondria, the gestation and more often than not the upbringing too.
    It's not more than fair that we're choosy for the man whose genes gets to ride on the rollercoaster of life, when we deliver most of the energy for that rollercoaster ride.
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  7. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    Well, we do invest more than our share in the offspring - large eggs, the mitochondria, the gestation and more often than not the upbringing too.
    It's not more than fair that we're choosy for the man whose genes gets to ride on the rollercoaster of life, when we deliver most of the energy for that rollercoaster ride.
    I'm fairly certain not all of the women in this thread even want children.

  8. #68
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Weber View Post
    I'm fairly certain not all of the women in this thread even want children.
    Kids are a large life/energy/time investment.
    Not everyone wants to make that investment.

    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    Also, I'm sure most people look better IRL than on paper.
    That's always the problem with lists.

    A person is more than the sum of his stat sheet.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    Well, we do invest more than our share in the offspring - large eggs, the mitochondria, the gestation and more often than not the upbringing too.
    It's not more than fair that we're choosy for the man whose genes gets to ride on the rollercoaster of life, when we deliver most of the energy for that rollercoaster ride.

    Look, I'm not marginalizing pregnancy (I wouldn't want to do it), but you seem to be insinuating that men don't sacrifice anything. Personality types aside, women tend to be a tad more emotional than men. I know it sounds like misogyny, but even the most grounded women seem to be in a constant state of emotional flux. As a man, a sex that does not have a monthly cycle, this can be stressful. I'm not just talking about PMS. I'm talking about the entire cycle, every month. I love women, I respect women, I think in most ways you are superior creatures to men, but the emotional rollercoaster takes its toll. Not to mention the fact that, if you decide to end your marriage or relationship (at least in this day and age), the man will more than likely be supremely fucked by the court system. Both sexes are gambling when they decide to marry and procreate.

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    Don't bother. The threshold for "we all" is shockingly low.
    I freely admitted that I was exaggerating. Now, admit you're anal.

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