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[ENTJ] Boyfriend is too CLINGY to be an ENTJ...

mrcockburn

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I have a small problem. The problem is about the size of Pluto, so it's really a big problem, rendered relatively small in the world of war, disease and global warming. Ahem...never mind. :doh: :D

Anyway, I've been going out with a confirmed ENTJ for about a year, and he's the typical ENTJ in every way (he's the typical ENTJ to the level of parody) - except when dealing with me.

He calls obsessively, everyday at least 3 times, will KEEP calling me until he can tape me down for a date. He'll show up at my job site, CALL me at work (when my boss answers, he has the audacity to bark at him to put me on the phone.) Every time he does it, I tell him that it's inappropriate for him to call/show up at my work, and that I'm busy, but he didn't stop until my BOSS PERSONALLY HAD TO CHEW HIM OUT. So now he emails my work email incessantly. :steam:

When I went to his place last week, I found a to-do list of his on top of his toilet. Listed on it, among the usual "7:00-8:00AM; gym :workout: " "8:00AM-8:30AM; groom" "8:30AM-9:00AM; commute to work" nonsense, I see about 5 entries listed on it about ME.

"12PM-1PM; lunch break -Find the ultimate diamond earrings online for Alex"
"7PM-7:30PM; brainstorm ways to convince Alex to switch gyms and join mine"
"9PM-10PM; write a song on guitar for Alex"

Oh, by the way, my name's Alex. ;) Anyway, I forgot the other 2 things on it about me, but aside from his disarming OCD planning neuroticism, it's strange that at least 4 hours of his life (I assume by his list) is spent thinking about me. Sure it's kind of "cute", but it's more creepy. It is CU-REEEPY. Oh, and I found my personal SONG RECORDING TAPE in HIS APARTMENT, inside his stereo. He must have nabbed it from my place when I was taking a pee or something.

And jealousy. :doh: :doh: :doh: Every time I talk to guy friends, he'll step in and intrude, or worse, scare my friends off. :spam_laser: :17425: And then I tell him to :2up: off, but he turns on me and accuses me of flirting. :girlfight: I tell him that his friends miss him, and to not rely on hanging out with me all the time = no avail.

When I jetted off to Brazil for 2 weeks without telling him, he went POSTAL, calling EVERYONE he knew I knew.

I'm friends with an ex of his, and according to her, he was NEVER scary/clingy like that, and if anything, he was more focused on work. This is long, I know, but it's a rant/question hybrid.

How do I DECLINGIFY him, and what's his real type?? I just don't think he's an ENTJ. I think his type is NUTS. Should I just FIRE him? (dammit, where's the Trump smiley?)
 

Lady_X

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dude sounds nuts.
 

mrcockburn

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I know. aaaaaaarggghhh!! :steam:

I'm almost afraid to axe him, because he might potentially be the type to break down my front door with a machete and come at me with a chainsaw. Or maybe he has asbestos on his roof shingles or something else that's polluting him neuro-psychologically.
 

redsox44344

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Hey, well I can't say I relate anything to this post, but honestly, seeing someone chasing someone with a chainsaw has got to be one of the funniest things to watch. But, being on the receiving end, I guess not so much.
 

Jaguar

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I've seen guys like that. It's about control. To be blunt - get rid of the nutcase.
If you do, I'll give you fair warning. You might think it's over but he won't.
This has nothing to do with MBTI type. It's about obsessive people, in general.
 

mrcockburn

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Yeah, he is a control-freak, with every aspect of his life. But why would he try so hard to control me? I make slightly MORE money than he does, I have more formal education, I'm not submissive in the least bit. It's a waste of time. And why am I still with him? He is fun, he cooks amazingly, and sexes even better.
 

Lady_X

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my opinion on that...is who the fuck cares?! i am an ooey gooey emotional type and that shit would make me crazy! and i cannot stand to be managed...ughh or on someones to do list...just yikes.
 

Jaguar

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Yeah, he is a control-freak, with every aspect of his life. But why would he try so hard to control me? I make slightly MORE money than he does, I have more formal education, I'm not submissive in the least bit. It's a waste of time. And why am I still with him? He is fun, he cooks amazingly, and sexes even better.

I only skimmed your post and I just went back and read more.
Clearly this is none of my business, but, if I saw someone who was so obsessive as to plan out their day like that, I would run.

Does he have a time slot planned for wiping his ass? :D
 

Lady_X

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who puts groom on their to do list? did he really put that? i get visuals of that sleeping with the enemy guy from that post...for some reason...or maybe he's less crazy than he sounds...is he?
 

Gamine

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Omg I love your colourful post. HELLO! :happy::rock::banana::spam_laser::bananallama:

Onto the topic, I've found my string of ENTJ exes (Why, oh why? I can't answer that with a straight face. Great people, really wonderful guys, really not great for me) to be a touch too far on the controlling clingy side. To be fair, my idea of interaction is talking every couple of days and having fun adventures with friends, and I like my time alone (ENTP thing mayhaps?) but it was just too much.

It sounds like a mix of
A) He really REALLY likes you
B) Is overthinking it, because he doesn't want to lose you
C) He needs to either chill the heck out, or he is going to go overboard

I am not uber impressed with the way he handles your friends. Yes, sometimes guys can cross lines (and so can girls) but your SO should never block you off from talking to them without reason. That's just super creepy.

I've spoken to the jury, which consists of my instincts and my ability to pass judgement on a stranger's problems, and the consensus is creepy.

Have you talked to him, about how this much controlling is making you feel? It sounds like he cares, I wonder if telling him to chill out, that you like him, that he doesn't have a reason to be that insecure would result in him cooling his jets and being more "healthy" and "natural".

Best of luck!
 

Jaguar

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who puts groom on their to do list? did he really put that? i get visuals of that sleeping with the enemy guy from that post...for some reason...or maybe he's less crazy than he sounds...is he?

You and I spotted the same word - groom. :D
Oh, that wacko that Julia Roberts was with. Good comparison.
 

MiasmaResonance

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Js and their to-do lists..ugh..

:doh:

Anyway.
You should tread carefully. I'm sure he's just trying to make you feel loved, but once it gets to a point where it goes beyond love and moves into the realm of unhealthy obsession..head for the hills. The fact that he's so on edge about you talking to your friends and other people in general really shows that he's controlling to a certain degree. This could develop into much more, in the future.
 

mrcockburn

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Yes, he DID put "groom" on his to-do list. AND he wrote a time-slot to prepare the next day's to-do list. facepalm x infinity.

He is coming off as creepy to me now. I used to roll my eyes and let it go because I thought he'd get over it, but no.

In lieu of an outright breakup, should I just completely avoid him 100% and hope that we can drift away naturally? It's that chainsaw thing, ya know...
 

Aleksei

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Sounds like a case of overreactive inferior Fi. And I dunno about you, but if a girl tried that shit with me I'd just dump her ass if/when I got fed up with it.
 

Lady_X

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wow...just wow..."make to do list" on your to do list with a specific time allotted?? whoa wth...and again a chainsaw reference...ahhh....i would defintely not just avoid him that will make him even more crazy...it will throw off his whole schedule!! he'll be plotting and scheming all sorts of crazy plans...just tell him firmly with nothing left open and ambiguous...if that is what you decide you want.
 

mrcockburn

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LOL No, he didn't make the chainsaw reference, I did. If he ever went THAT kookoo, it'd be restraining order time.
 

Lady_X

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oh no i know...just saying YOU mentioned it twice which tells me you're a lil afraid he could easily flip a switch.
 

Jonny

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At this point are you no longer interested in dating him? Is this question about how to end it rather than how to fix these "problems"?
 

Jaguar

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LOL No, he didn't make the chainsaw reference, I did. If he ever went THAT kookoo, it'd be restraining order time.

If he decides to use a chainsaw on you, at least you know it will be on his list before he does it.
You'll have plenty of time to get away. ;)
 

Lady_X

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oh!! i have an idea! you could revise his list...scratch out the creepy things to do for alex items and put things like give alex a break and let alex know how much you value her independence by letting her hang out with her fucking friends for a bit! etc etc :D
 
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