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  1. #1
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Default Boyfriend is too CLINGY to be an ENTJ...

    I have a small problem. The problem is about the size of Pluto, so it's really a big problem, rendered relatively small in the world of war, disease and global warming. Ahem...never mind.

    Anyway, I've been going out with a confirmed ENTJ for about a year, and he's the typical ENTJ in every way (he's the typical ENTJ to the level of parody) - except when dealing with me.

    He calls obsessively, everyday at least 3 times, will KEEP calling me until he can tape me down for a date. He'll show up at my job site, CALL me at work (when my boss answers, he has the audacity to bark at him to put me on the phone.) Every time he does it, I tell him that it's inappropriate for him to call/show up at my work, and that I'm busy, but he didn't stop until my BOSS PERSONALLY HAD TO CHEW HIM OUT. So now he emails my work email incessantly. :steam:

    When I went to his place last week, I found a to-do list of his on top of his toilet. Listed on it, among the usual "7:00-8:00AM; gym :workout: " "8:00AM-8:30AM; groom" "8:30AM-9:00AM; commute to work" nonsense, I see about 5 entries listed on it about ME.

    "12PM-1PM; lunch break -Find the ultimate diamond earrings online for Alex"
    "7PM-7:30PM; brainstorm ways to convince Alex to switch gyms and join mine"
    "9PM-10PM; write a song on guitar for Alex"

    Oh, by the way, my name's Alex. Anyway, I forgot the other 2 things on it about me, but aside from his disarming OCD planning neuroticism, it's strange that at least 4 hours of his life (I assume by his list) is spent thinking about me. Sure it's kind of "cute", but it's more creepy. It is CU-REEEPY. Oh, and I found my personal SONG RECORDING TAPE in HIS APARTMENT, inside his stereo. He must have nabbed it from my place when I was taking a pee or something.

    And jealousy. Every time I talk to guy friends, he'll step in and intrude, or worse, scare my friends off. And then I tell him to off, but he turns on me and accuses me of flirting. I tell him that his friends miss him, and to not rely on hanging out with me all the time = no avail.

    When I jetted off to Brazil for 2 weeks without telling him, he went POSTAL, calling EVERYONE he knew I knew.

    I'm friends with an ex of his, and according to her, he was NEVER scary/clingy like that, and if anything, he was more focused on work. This is long, I know, but it's a rant/question hybrid.

    How do I DECLINGIFY him, and what's his real type?? I just don't think he's an ENTJ. I think his type is NUTS. Should I just FIRE him? (dammit, where's the Trump smiley?)

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    dude sounds nuts.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    I know. aaaaaaarggghhh!! :steam:

    I'm almost afraid to axe him, because he might potentially be the type to break down my front door with a machete and come at me with a chainsaw. Or maybe he has asbestos on his roof shingles or something else that's polluting him neuro-psychologically.

  4. #4
    Senior Member redsox44344's Avatar
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    Default

    Hey, well I can't say I relate anything to this post, but honestly, seeing someone chasing someone with a chainsaw has got to be one of the funniest things to watch. But, being on the receiving end, I guess not so much.
    If you were to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

  5. #5
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    I've seen guys like that. It's about control. To be blunt - get rid of the nutcase.
    If you do, I'll give you fair warning. You might think it's over but he won't.
    This has nothing to do with MBTI type. It's about obsessive people, in general.

  6. #6
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Yeah, he is a control-freak, with every aspect of his life. But why would he try so hard to control me? I make slightly MORE money than he does, I have more formal education, I'm not submissive in the least bit. It's a waste of time. And why am I still with him? He is fun, he cooks amazingly, and sexes even better.

  7. #7
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    my opinion on that...is who the fuck cares?! i am an ooey gooey emotional type and that shit would make me crazy! and i cannot stand to be managed...ughh or on someones to do list...just yikes.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    Yeah, he is a control-freak, with every aspect of his life. But why would he try so hard to control me? I make slightly MORE money than he does, I have more formal education, I'm not submissive in the least bit. It's a waste of time. And why am I still with him? He is fun, he cooks amazingly, and sexes even better.
    I only skimmed your post and I just went back and read more.
    Clearly this is none of my business, but, if I saw someone who was so obsessive as to plan out their day like that, I would run.

    Does he have a time slot planned for wiping his ass?

  9. #9
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    who puts groom on their to do list? did he really put that? i get visuals of that sleeping with the enemy guy from that post...for some reason...or maybe he's less crazy than he sounds...is he?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #10
    in-game Gamine's Avatar
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    Omg I love your colourful post. HELLO!

    Onto the topic, I've found my string of ENTJ exes (Why, oh why? I can't answer that with a straight face. Great people, really wonderful guys, really not great for me) to be a touch too far on the controlling clingy side. To be fair, my idea of interaction is talking every couple of days and having fun adventures with friends, and I like my time alone (ENTP thing mayhaps?) but it was just too much.

    It sounds like a mix of
    A) He really REALLY likes you
    B) Is overthinking it, because he doesn't want to lose you
    C) He needs to either chill the heck out, or he is going to go overboard

    I am not uber impressed with the way he handles your friends. Yes, sometimes guys can cross lines (and so can girls) but your SO should never block you off from talking to them without reason. That's just super creepy.

    I've spoken to the jury, which consists of my instincts and my ability to pass judgement on a stranger's problems, and the consensus is creepy.

    Have you talked to him, about how this much controlling is making you feel? It sounds like he cares, I wonder if telling him to chill out, that you like him, that he doesn't have a reason to be that insecure would result in him cooling his jets and being more "healthy" and "natural".

    Best of luck!
    "Beware Those Who Are ALWAYS READING BOOKS" - Bukowski

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