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  1. #1
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Default A Question for E/INTJ - what is the attraction?

    Tell me what the NTJ attraction is with I/ENFP? Normally I'm quite good at looking at something from multiple perspectives, but I'm having trouble with this one. What I see in NTJ's that makes them attractive to me seems like it should be obvious to all : intelligence, personal power, logical thinking, strong adherence to what they believe is right, extraordinary loyalty to their loved ones, an ability to look at things without fear. But, when I try to reverse the angle, I just don't see it. My bestfriend (ENTJ) tells me she loves me because I'm "sweet without being sickening or saccharin", which I assume is a compliment.

    Enlighten me please.

  2. #2
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    Tell me what the NTJ attraction is with I/ENFP? Normally I'm quite good at looking at something from multiple perspectives, but I'm having trouble with this one. What I see in NTJ's that makes them attractive to me seems like it should be obvious to all : intelligence, personal power, logical thinking, strong adherence to what they believe is right, extraordinary loyalty to their loved ones, an ability to look at things without fear. But, when I try to reverse the angle, I just don't see it. My bestfriend (ENTJ) tells me she loves me because I'm "sweet without being sickening or saccharin", which I assume is a compliment.

    Enlighten me please.
    I think NTJs gravitate to ENFPs when they recognize that one's life's priorities should include a childlike wonder and engagement with the world. We can't help but see life as a chessboard; we can't help but try to detach and predict and control. Getting zapped with NFP vibes communicating to us that we should chill and ride the waves of life helps us out.

    EDIT in a story encapsulating for ENFP:

    I keep few photos on display; one of the few that I will always keep in a frame is a grainy taken-at-dusk photo of ENFP friend because of what it represents to me. We were on a canoe trip and had set up camp on an island already. While we were paddling around the area fishing for the evening, ENFP, in mid-conversation and quite far out from land, stepped out of the canoe onto a single square foot of rock surrounded by water.

    He cast his fishing line on that rock and we paddled far away from him, leaving him standing on his own. He never checked with words or even a glance, he just had faith that his friends were going to eventually paddle back and pick him up. He stood there, and cast his line, and fished without needing to control anything.

    I want to grow to take on some of that character. I will always have that grainy photo on display to remind me of this.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  3. #3
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    Tell me what the NTJ attraction is with I/ENFP? Normally I'm quite good at looking at something from multiple perspectives, but I'm having trouble with this one. What I see in NTJ's that makes them attractive to me seems like it should be obvious to all : intelligence, personal power, logical thinking, strong adherence to what they believe is right, extraordinary loyalty to their loved ones, an ability to look at things without fear. But, when I try to reverse the angle, I just don't see it. My bestfriend (ENTJ) tells me she loves me because I'm "sweet without being sickening or saccharin", which I assume is a compliment.

    Enlighten me please.
    Because they're everything we're not. Adventurous, spontaneous, inspiring, unpredictable, intriguing, random, socially adept, child-like...

  4. #4
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    An ENFP can bring an INTJ out of his shell as few others can. They are sensitive and perceptive enough (assuming they really care about the INTJ) to get the INTJ to override personal inhibitions, reservations, etc. and step out of their comfort zone without coming across as overbearing. The shared N enables the two to connect on a deep level. Shared Fi probably also helps. The two will often see the same thing from radically different angles, but then reach similar conclusions for different reasons. Yes, it is a good example of complementarity at work.

  5. #5
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    NFPs can actually chill out and not need everything to be categorized and defined. They thrive in the nebulous, and they're absolute humanists who won't nitpick us for our faults (we do that enough for the most part).

    Also they're super thoughtful and take good care of us!

    Geez. I could use some more of them in my life.
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  6. #6
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    EDIT in a story encapsulating for ENFP:

    I keep few photos on display; one of the few that I will always keep in a frame is a grainy taken-at-dusk photo of ENFP friend because of what it represents to me. We were on a canoe trip and had set up camp on an island already. While we were paddling around the area fishing for the evening, ENFP, in mid-conversation and quite far out from land, stepped out of the canoe onto a single square foot of rock surrounded by water.

    He cast his fishing line on that rock and we paddled far away from him, leaving him standing on his own. He never checked with words or even a glance, he just had faith that his friends were going to eventually paddle back and pick him up. He stood there, and cast his line, and fished without needing to control anything.

    I want to grow to take on some of that character. I will always have that grainy photo on display to remind me of this.
    Wonderful story. Of course, for me, I would have attempted to step out on the rock and ended up in the water with the fishes. lol



    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    Because they're everything we're not. Adventurous, spontaneous, inspiring, unpredictable, intriguing, random, socially adept, child-like...
    Very concisely said. And what it is about these aspects that you find appealing? I've seen an old INTJ male friend of mine get SO frustrated with me sometimes precisely because I'm so unlike him. I'd hate to think what I am is antagonizing to what he is.


    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    An ENFP can bring an INTJ out of his shell as few others can. They are sensitive and perceptive enough (assuming they really care about the INTJ) to get the INTJ to override personal inhibitions, reservations, etc. and step out of their comfort zone without coming across as overbearing. The shared N enables the two to connect on a deep level. Shared Fi probably also helps. The two will often see the same thing from radically different angles, but then reach similar conclusions for different reasons. Yes, it is a good example of complementarity at work.
    I used to take said INTJ male friend out with me a lot, because he would freeze up in social situations - sort of like a wingman, I guess. I enjoyed it - I didn't want people to miss out on how funny and smart he was. He just needed help getting over the hump. And in return, I got an evening of fascinating conversations.


    Quote Originally Posted by poppy View Post
    NFPs can actually chill out and not need everything to be categorized and defined. They thrive in the nebulous, and they're absolute humanists who won't nitpick us for our faults (we do that enough for the most part).

    Also they're super thoughtful and take good care of us!

    Geez. I could use some more of them in my life.
    Well! Consider yourself adopted. Now you can get the Twin Sandwich Hug treatment! If an ENFP/ ENFJ sandwich hug won't rip spacetime that is. But I'm up for trying it anyway.

  7. #7
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    Well! Consider yourself adopted. Now you can get the Twin Sandwich Hug treatment! If an ENFP/ ENFJ sandwich hug won't rip spacetime that is. But I'm up for trying it anyway.
    I think my mind just exploded imagining being hugged by you and Domino at the same time. Oh my goodness. It would be like being inside of a s'more.
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  8. #8
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    Awwwe...

  9. #9
    Senior Member FallsPioneer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    I've seen an old INTJ male friend of mine get SO frustrated with me sometimes precisely because I'm so unlike him. I'd hate to think what I am is antagonizing to what he is.
    That's because it can go both ways. INTJ's could love ENFP's for who they are or hate them for who they are, and the same for ENFP's for INTJ's. I don't think it necessarily means anything that your friend got frustrated, as far as any universal dynamic between ENFP's and INTJ's.

    What I like about ENFP's, the traits that can show up that I like include: they can both take things as they are and see the potential in things, their capacity for devotion and great emotional investment, and looking at things from others' perspectives.
    Still using a needle to break apart a grain of sand.

  10. #10
    Branded with Satan murkrow's Avatar
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    ENFP enthusiasm is great, always ready to tempt the next step.

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