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  1. #71
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post

    ...
    I'm very uncomfortable with the notion of sharing everything in a relationship. Wouldn't that actually destroy relationships?
    Interesting point, and I do agree. I bet there are some types out there that would really balk at that idea, even though it might be good for them.
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
    - Umberto Eco

    INTP e9 (sx/so/sp)
    Ti = Ne (41.3) > Si (31.2) ~ Ni (31.1) ~ Te (30.1) > Se (24.1) >> Fe (21) & Fi (20.1)

  2. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    I agree.

    As for relationships - sometimes I feel like the sheer force of the emotions cripples my intellectual abilities...when I love it is everywhere, it's not just a tiny program running in the background. It requires a lot of my resources.
    As I said to an enfp friend of mine. Love makes my head asplode! No more plzkthnxla~..
    Doorknob: Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction.
    -Alice in Wonderland

  3. #73
    *hmmms* theadoor's Avatar
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    Relationships aren't a challenge, but finding the right person for them is.
    Oh yeah?

  4. #74
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Default Why do the smartest women have the toughest time dating? Because we deal with Idiots.

    From Jezebel
    Just when I blocked out the last of the "Black woman, you are going to die without a man!" madness, hypnotist-turned-love doctor Alex Benzer decided smart women need to be taken down a peg. Fuck this noise. I'm jumping up on my soapbox here, because I am sick of being vilified for being who I am. By logic, this shouldn't even affect me - I've been off the dating market for three years, and will continue to be for the foreseeable future.
    But the constant drumbeat of "this is what's wrong with you!" permeates even the most stable of towers, and it is beyond ridiculous that there is an entire industry waiting to tell women all the things that are wrong with them. And why am I supposed to compensate for being black, smart, or accomplished?

    Tipsters hit us with this gem yesterday, titled "Why Do Smart Women Have The Toughest Time Dating?" written by Alex Benzer, author of Tao of Dating, Tao of Persuasion, and Tao of Sexual Mastery. And he has the answer for all of the smart women out there who can't find a man:
    What compels me to write this article today is a recent trip to the Harvard-Yale Game festivities, reminding me of how smart, educated women routinely sabotage their own chances for romantic fulfillment.
    Because, as fabulous as these ladies are, all of their failed relationships have one thing in common: themselves. And frankly, telling them that men are losers or even proving it conclusively doesn't improve anyone's plight. Useful advice is about something you can change.
    And what needs fixing? According to Benzer, we think too much, we're too difficult, we're competitive, and not quite feminine enough. Some choice quotes from Benzer:
    Once a relationship with Mr Smartypants is under foot, often she unconsciously starts to compare and compete with him. She feels intimidated by his intelligence: "Is he smarter/more educated/more successful than me?" Now she's feeling silly when she doesn't know something, or tries to one-up him and have the upper hand. The guy doesn't quite know what's happening, except that the very trait that made him attractive in the first place is now causing tension.
    Remember that guys admire and respect a woman who can take charge and kick ass. Guys respect and absolutely adore a woman who can take charge and kick ass but doesn't feel the need to prove it around him. According to Marianne Williamson's insight in A Woman's Worth, "In intimate relations with men, I want to major in feminine and minor in masculine."
    Newsflash from the cosmos: masculine things gravitate towards feminine things. So if you want more masculine things (e.g. guys) in your life, then cultivate your feminine energy. Men are suckers for your sensuality, the swing of your hips, the nape of your neck, the curve of your lips. They absolutely love it when you take pleasure in the physical world through touch, food and sex.
    Men also love it when you're open to needing and receiving their help. They like to feel useful and wanted, even though they know full well that you can open doors and run companies on your own. Receptivity is a quintessential feminine quality, so if you want more good men in your life, be receptive to their offerings.
    If you're embodying joy, compassion and sensuality, telling him how great he is, making him feel like a billion bucks and the conqueror of worlds, you have no competition. Anywhere. Good men will come out of the woodwork to find a goddess like you.
    Roger that. While Benzer starts off his piece extolling all the things he loves about smart women, it's clear what needs to happen from his piece. Less books, more of this:

    And when you're finished making sure you've achieved an acceptable level of hotness for society at large, adhere to the three principles Chris Rock so helpfully outlined in Bigger and Blacker: men want food, sex, and silence, so feed him, fuck him, and shut the fuck up.

    Simple right? It so simple that every time I read a dating guide (penned by either gender) I already know what's coming. Wear tighter clothes. Suck more dick. Cook more food. Be nicer. Be prettier. Wear skirts and dresses. Work your stove, not your brain. On and on and on.

    And why don't I see articles telling men to step their game up if they want to land a smart woman?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  5. #75
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    From Jezebel
    Interesting points...

    I actually looked at that article that Benzer wrote, and what I noticed pissed me off more is the generalization. Not all smart women talk about their job, or have their career in their personality, no matter how lucrative or respected it is, on a date, even though the article assumes that is the smart woman's problem. Why do smart women, or women in general, have to put love first, when the male doesn't? Could this be a T/F difference? I'm not sure, and who ever said I wanted to be irresistible? Do you know what that means to me? Hoards of guys I can't get off my back, most of them most likely not as intelligent as I want a man to be. I can understand some points of that, like don't look like a frumpy slob, but that is something that applies to both genders. I'd much prefer asexuality before succumbing to traits that display how I am not.

  6. #76
    Senior Member InsatiableCuriosity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Misty_Mountain_Rose View Post
    *shudder* This is exactly how I felt with the F's I've dated (and even some extremely Fe/Fi dominant friends). It makes me... uncomfortable isn't the word... more like frustrated and eventually exhausted. I can't handle constant drama. People like that get cut out of my life pretty quickly.
    Constant drama wears me out as does attention seeking, possessiveness, and affection overdone - I need time and space to think and if I don't have that I malfunction LOL


    But as I get older, I'm finding that I only fall for people that I've been friends with for a while. People who already know quite a bit about me, know the way I act in general and still like me.
    I couldn't agree more!! All the propping and posing of the getting to know a person from scratch from the dating perspective is anathema to me. Then once the veneer is peeled back and I find that I don't like the person, I feel like I have totally wasted time and effort.

    For me, and maybe other INTPs, if I don't like their values or their intellect does not challenge me, or they are too hard work because they are clingy, possessive, extrovert their feeling in an overwhelming way, then I am off like a shot!
    "Study hard what interests you the most in the most undisciplined, irreverent and original manner possible."
    — Richard P. Feynman

    "Never tell a person a thing is impossible. G*d/the Universe may have been waiting all this time for someone ignorant enough of the impossibility to do just that thing."
    author unknown

  7. #77
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InsatiableCuriosity View Post
    Constant drama wears me out as does attention seeking, possessiveness, and affection overdone - I need time and space to think and if I don't have that I malfunction LOL
    Oh yes. I tend to throw my Fe shadow all over the place when I'm surrounded by dramatic people.

    Quote Originally Posted by InsatiableCuriosity View Post
    For me, and maybe other INTPs, if I don't like their values or their intellect does not challenge me, or they are too hard work because they are clingy, possessive, extrovert their feeling in an overwhelming way, then I am off like a shot!
    I'm with you on all accounts.
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

    "Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." - Greg King
    The worst mistake people make in political arguments is assuming that the other side is not trying to do the right thing. This simple oversight makes productive conversation nearly impossible.

  8. #78
    wholly charmed Spartacuss's Avatar
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    Thread should be retitled.
    Ti (43); Ne (41.8); Te (33.7); Fi (30.5); Ni (27.5); Se (24.7); Si (21.5); Fe (17.3)
    The More You Know the Less You Need. - Aboriginal Saying

  9. #79
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacuss View Post
    Thread should be retitled.
    True dat. This thread is about if NT women find relationships a challenge.

    That thread is for the crap about how unfeminine NT women are.

    The crappiest of the crap is now somewhere in the graveyard, the line has been liberal, as in much crap is still there, but meh.

  10. #80
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    *sigh* Finally.

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