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  1. #51
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Have any of you thought someone too cold?
    Not cold per say but too, erm, black and white with facts I guess, as in no room for personal details and removed from the emotions of a situation. It could be viewed as cold but for me it was more about the rigid inflexibility and inability to consider factors that cannot be shown in raw data. Quite the turn off.

  2. #52
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Have any of you thought someone too cold?
    Yeah, usually a lot of people I'm interested in are on this extreme on either being too robotic or too...unstable

  3. #53
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I have come to the conclusion that I am emotionally incapable of maintaining a long term relationship. I simply cannot be vulnerable in the way that most people expect you to be vulnerable in a relationship. I don't know why the rules of interaction change just because you're screwing someone on an exclusive basis.
    Maybe you should just date people who are more like you. You might think it would get boring but it's really not. Because no two people are really that alike. We may have similar ways of dealing with issues, but that's the good part. To maintain a long relationship or a family, it helps if people are on the same wavelength and have the same goals. And a very good and easy rapport. I see couples that scream at each other or have other communication issues and I just shudder. I may have a million other problems but me and my guy can just talk to each other about anything. I can tell him anything without it getting heavy. No topic is taboo.

    I am not emotionally vulnerable. Nor do I wish to ever be with anyone who requires that of me. Nor do I wish to be with a man who is vulnerable. We all have issues, but I don't want to spend my day talking about them. I want to talk about things that interest me, and if other shit comes up, then it's just another topic of conversation - not a "bonding" experience.

    I planned my whole life to be alone. I never even thought twice about it. I instinctively knew from when I was a child, that I was not going to be paired up and that was such a relief. I never worried about boys asking me out or biological clocks. And the boys did ask me out, but I got the sneaking suspicion that it was more for morbid curiosity rather than lifetime bonding. And I was fine with that, I was also curious. They were playthings and research subjects to me.

    I found a journal from when I was 10 and in it I wrote about what I wanted my future to be like. I said that I most certainly do not want to get married, but if that was not possible, I could maintain a good relationship with someone if we had separate residences - or at least separate bedrooms. I said that I can love someone only if I didn't have to see him every day.

    I was shocked when I saw that because I haven't changed one bit.

    My INTP and I, even though we are both quiet and live in a huge apartment, we are looking for an even bigger place. Currently, we share a bedroom but we also share the office and the living room. We both want our own offices and our own "play" rooms. It's frivolous, but we are on the same page about it. We want more space to be away from each other. No tears, no prodding, no hurt feelings. We didn't have to even have a justification conversation about it - we just think the same way. It's important for each of us to have the option, the feeling of independence. Does that mean that things are not interesting between us? Of course not. We have similar ways of thinking, but what he thinks always interests me.

    The funny part is that the more space we give each other, the less of it we actually use.

  4. #54
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Have any of you thought someone too cold?
    No, never. But I've felt like some people are too clingy.

  5. #55
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Default JEALOUSY

    It drives me insane when guys try to make me jealous... It's really annoying.

    Even if I feel the smallest amount of jealousy, It takes me a split second to rationalize, and remind myself that this is not something worth my time, if something was truly worth my time, I would talk about it with them.

    I've had a hard time separating jealousy from my control issues. I don't have a fear of losing people, but I have an expectation of them behaving a certain way, that it annoys me when they don't.

    This was how I USED to be, lashing out if I'm annoyed, but I've learned a lot over the years. I don't lash out and show jealousy/anger/fear anymore. No.

    Sometimes, depending on my mood however, I will say something snarky and sarcastic, but this is one of the rarest occurrences for me.

    I usually have trust in the person I'm dating, and they know that I have enough confidence in myself, that I'm not easily threatened. I'm pretty self aware, so if I see him glancing at another girl who is more attractive than I am, I wouldn't care at all, you can't expect to be the most attractive person around.

    That said, If they choose to openly gawk/drool/and flirt with other females to make me jealous, or worse, for their own entertainment, I would take that negatively,this is something a single man would do. I wouldn't be jealous, but I would think it is disrespectful to me. Politely/quietly admiring someones features is perfectly normal.

    You want to behave like a single guy, go for it, don't waste my time; I'm not going to sit here and sulk and make myself feel bad over your decisions, or lack-thereof.

    I don't need to show you jealousy to show you how much I deeply care for you.

    Apparently this is a problem with men.

    EXAMPLE:

    My last ex would get so frustrated and start begging me to act a little more jealous to show that I cared.

    Just a few days ago, a guy(someone who has , himself, said that people who think jealousy means that someone cares is "absurd") I know tried to make me jealous to get some feelings out of me( his words), only to have me laugh at his attempt, which he later called me a "cold $^%@#" for...... seriously. -_-


    Depending on who is doing this ( if it is someone I deeply care for)

    It kind of affects my feelings(or what has remained of them) that they purposely try to make me feel unsafe/insecure about our relationship for their own emotional stamina.

    Their need to hurt me, is what affects me, not what their means are.


    /// END OF RANT... sorry.. I'm very frustrated.


    I hope that made sense.

  6. #56
    shadow boxer strawberries's Avatar
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    great thread.

    either i'm in or out. i have high standards and i cannot stand it when a relationship denigrates into tedium/co-dependency.

    when i'm into someone i put a lot of energy into the relationship. i will make the sun shine for them, but if i'm over it - baby, it's cold outside.

  7. #57
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Quote Originally Posted by strawberries View Post
    great thread.

    either i'm in or out. i have high standards and i cannot stand it when a relationship denigrates into tedium/co-dependency.

    when i'm into someone i put a lot of energy into the relationship. i will make the sun shine for them, but if i'm over it - baby, it's cold outside.
    *applauds* I really like that last line, it spoke to me...

  8. #58
    Lasting_Pain
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    Hmm, I like this thread as well. Its like watching an episode of Dr.Phil on relationships, except without Dr.Phil. I am beginning to think the INTP brethren are the perfect solution to you lady's relationship problems.

  9. #59
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lasting_Pain View Post
    I am beginning to think the INTP brethren are the perfect solution to you lady's relationship problems.
    Me and Jeno have been researching that proposition for a while with positive outcomes. INTP menzfolk ftw.

  10. #60
    Lasting_Pain
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Me and Jeno have been researching that proposition for a while with positive outcomes. INTP menzfolk ftw.
    Yes! I am not destined to be alone after all. The Gods have bless me today.

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