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  1. #41
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Hahaha, and I find that people tend to say we have problems getting close when really we just have problems being close to them. Especially with ENFPs where thisclose is still not close enough and I'm wondering what is left for me to give... my blood? My issue in dating, especially feelers, is that it feels like I am shoveling more and more into a bottomless pit and I take a step back and look at my life and realize that I can't possibly keep this up for ever. It's just too much sometimes. It just feels that it's never enough.
    YES; anyone who is more emotional than I am is someone I need to stay away from. A lot of men seem to think that I don't care enough about them ( " I don't show it enough" ) or some prissy argument like that. I'm not comfortable with showing too much emotions, It's how I am wired; I have sentimental streaks. That should be enough for you to know I care for you. I don't need to constantly be showing some kind of grand gesture to reassure you that I like you. They do seem like bottomless pits, it's always not enough.

    I cried once in front of someone I thought I was very close to (an ENFP actually). She just sat there stunned and now reminisces constantly (with glee, in front of people) about that really rough time in my life because she never imagined someone as strong as me would ever cry. And that she is so happy that she was the one that saw it because that means that I think of her as a close friend. Wtf? She seriously gets happy talking about it and she wonders why I've slowly been pulling away from her. Wtf? She thinks it's just me putting walls up again. And she's right.
    Your friend sounds like an oblivious idiot. She seems very happy and overjoyed with the fact that you were comfortable and trusted her enough to make that choice, yet she doesn't realize the irony of her opening her mouth like that. one of my best friends, also an ENFP, behaves that way too; I usually threaten her when stuff like that happens, she knows ahead of time to keep her mouth shut.


    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    I don't even ask for help anymore. And it pisses me off when people ask me to do stuff that I know they are perfectly capable of doing themselves.
    I don't know what it is that I do that turns them into helpless incompetents. That shit is annoying!
    yes I don't know why that is. I think people are attracted to dependency. When they know they can rely on someone and they wont fail them, they will usually attempt to take advantage of it.
    Or they know the efficiency/quality of your work is better than theirs, because you are a harder worker.
    Either way, they will try to benefit some how.

    Sometimes it's not so bad, in that they acutally need help, and it's no problem, I'm willing to help.
    But when it's requires the smallest amount of competence, and they still have the nerve to ask me to do it, thats when you know they're just lazy opportunists.

  2. #42
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Oh how I've missed you ladies...

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    I think part of the problem is that people don't realize that the notion of "having a good cry" is completely alien to the NT. It's not a bonding exercise. Being that vulnerable is no fun. If things get bad enough to warrant crying in front of someone else, it's probably some pretty devastatingly serious shit. Mockery is a REALLY bad move. Unless you want to find out how quickly sadness can turn into anger.

    Dear lord I know what that's like.
    It's like twice the trauma. First from what caused the whole episode in the first place, then having to deal with knowing someone witnessed your breakdown. In my case, it was in front of a crowd...twice. I never got over that.

    Then to be mocked about it just makes me explode. It's like a betrayal.

  4. #44
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    It's a challenge, but I think I'm getting better with age (doesn't mean there aren't surprises, though).

    The 'NT' really narrows down the pool of acceptable mates, so I guess the primary problem is how few guys/girls there are I would even put in my "maybe" pile. They *must* be intellectually curious, and probably at least close to my intelligence level (much higher is fine, I don't have an inferiority complex). So anyone that is likely to say "why do you have to analyze everything??" is definitely out. They've got to be mindmates first and foremost or the relationship will never start.* However they don't need to be my clone in opinions (that would be boring) or think the way I do about everything.

    The 'P' amplifies the issues because I hate the concept of anyone "owning" me, and any kind of dependence is a total turn-off. If you make me feel railroaded or shut off from decisions things will die quick. The need for independence can make for distance in the relationship. With other NTs this means we float apart. With other types in can mean they get frustrated and give up on me as they seek more and more "closeness". But I have had glimpses of something with an NF that was different, in terms of sharing myself. So there's a lot more for me to learn, clearly.



    **excluding the rare, but sometimes sought sex-only short-term fling.
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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    Ti = Ne (41.3) > Si (31.2) ~ Ni (31.1) ~ Te (30.1) > Se (24.1) >> Fe (21) & Fi (20.1)

  5. #45
    ¡MI TORTA! Amethyst's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hilo View Post
    It's a challenge, but I think I'm getting better with age (doesn't mean there aren't surprises, though).

    The 'NT' really narrows down the pool of acceptable mates, so I guess the primary problem is how few guys/girls there are I would even put in my "maybe" pile. They *must* be intellectually curious, and probably at least close to my intelligence level (much higher is fine, I don't have an inferiority complex). So anyone that is likely to say "why do you have to analyze everything??" is definitely out. They've got to be mindmates first and foremost or the relationship will never start.* However they don't need to be my clone in opinions (that would be boring) or think the way I do about everything.

    The 'P' amplifies the issues because I hate the concept of anyone "owning" me, and any kind of dependence is a total turn-off. If you make me feel railroaded or shut off from decisions things will die quick. The need for independence can make for distance in the relationship. With other NTs this means we float apart. With other types in can mean they get frustrated and give up on me as they seek more and more "closeness". But I have had glimpses of something with an NF that was different, in terms of sharing myself. So there's a lot more for me to learn, clearly.



    **excluding the rare, but sometimes sought sex-only short-term fling.
    This, especially the bolded. Any sort of chaining down my independence is 110% turnoff, and it's actually become unhealthy. I think the saying 'If you truly love someone, let them be free' is how many NT's see a relationship. Smothering doesn't work.

  6. #46
    Lasting_Pain
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    I am sure it is hard for an NT woman to have good and stable relationship since as a society we have some many preconceived notions about women.

  7. #47
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    I have come to the conclusion that I am emotionally incapable of maintaining a long term relationship. I simply cannot be vulnerable in the way that most people expect you to be vulnerable in a relationship. I don't know why the rules of interaction change just because you're screwing someone on an exclusive basis.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  8. #48
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I don't know why the rules of interaction change just because you're screwing someone on an exclusive basis.


    I don't actually mind people who are more emotional than I am. As long as they know how to control their temper and aren't inclined to judge me for being a T (as opposed to F)...

    Personal space is huge though. I'm very uncomfortable with the notion of sharing everything in a relationship. Wouldn't that actually destroy relationships?
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

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  9. #49
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Have any of you thought someone too cold?
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  10. #50
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Have any of you thought someone too cold?
    Hmm. I guess since I'm so detached, I have to have someone who doesn't have a problem bridging that gap. But it really is a mutual chemistry thing. I don't know that I have consciously thought someone too cold, but I've thought that we wouldn't work because we're too similar.
    Something Witty

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