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  1. #31
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by You'reWrongI'mRight View Post
    ...I'm pretty evilll....
    prove it!

    on ur video you looked too sweet to be able to really be mean

  2. #32
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Well, I don't casual-date, I know who I click with pretty quickly and if I'm not interested I stay detached. If I go out with anyone on a "real" date, it's because I'm seriously interested.

    I think the zone of what I look for at this time in my life is pretty narrow. I need someone who I can connect with as a person but who isn't clingy/overbearing; lots of guys drift towards either extreme, they either want more or contribute less than what I'm looking for. But I've already been trapped in an unsuitable relationship once and learned my lesson, and I'm not going to do it again; it sucks, and it hurts both them and me.

    I'm really good and really bad at relationships. I intuit and listen well, I'm sensitive to signals the other person puts off, I'm usually aware of what's going on with them or at least have some good guesses, I'm flexible and easy to live with, I'm undemanding and give people a lot of freedom, I encourage their individuality even if it results in us drifting apart and splitting. But I'm really bad at little daily affirmations of the relationship and sometimes feel smothered by them. When I'm with someone, I'm okay enough; but if we're not around each other, I tend to just be gone... I'm doing my own thing, I hate feeling hemmed in by text or phone or e-mail, I have to work to respond to connection signals. I do work at it, but I'm not good at it.

    I'm also not going to mother a guy, even if I can tell he wants it, or make a guy the center of my life. I'm not interested in that sort of relationship whatsoever. I'll invest in the relationship, but I'm not going to be a cliche, I don't exist as someone else's "support," I'm egalitarian. I don't mind doing some conventional things as long as it's not demanded/expected of me and I feel I'm getting an equal investment back, but if I feel I'm being locked in a box/role or used, that's the end of it...

    Another thing I've had to work at is letting others in. I usually am self-sufficient, even when I'm feeling crappy, and especially if intellectually there seems to be no reason to tell someone something, sometimes it's hard for me to let others share in my problems.

    I guess my issue is that, no matter how hard I try, I feel inadequate to be a "warm" person; I am always going to exude some level of detachment and independence from even someone I really love, and if they cannot deal with it, then it's not going to work.

    Quote Originally Posted by you'rewrongi'mright
    I'm very good at putting myself in peoples shoes, and listening to what they have to say. I will go out of my way to make sure they feel like they have someone to rely on; however, it seems that most people, including some of my best friends don't reciprocate often.
    Yes, in MBTI, that's really accentuated by strong Ne; and then the Thinking aspect allows me to see and understand what is happening and often give very good context and advice to help the people talking to me.

    In a relationship, this is one of the worst things ever. I need to know I can rely on someone for support when I need to vent about something, I rarely do it anyways, so when I want to, you know it's important to me.
    Well, you just did trigger a memory... the other week my bf came over and I was actually opening up and starting to tell him about something that was a pretty big deal to me that day because I really needed to talk to someone ... and after seeming like he was listening, out of the blue, he saw my external hard drive box (it had just arrived that day) and goes, "oooh, what did you get that for? Is it cool?" and then started asking me questions about the drive. I was just sort of dumbfounded and answered the questions succinctly but pretty much just shut up at that point. Sometimes it takes me awhile to get my thoughts together enough about emotional situations; writing is easier for me, speaking in real-time is harder; so if you shut me down as I'm struggling through it, it derails it. (In his favor, after the discussion of the hard drive ended, he realized he bulloxed things and came back to asking me what was up...)

    They never made me feel comfortable doing so, and the rational part of me alway said " This is something that can be solved easily, you don't need to discuss it".
    Yeah, that. It's far easier, much of the time, to just keep it in and figure it out yourself, plus if the answer seems rational, why do you need to tell anyone anyway? It took me a long time to make allowance for my emotional state and realize I needed sometimes to just vent or get things out... that I just couldn't slough things off... people are holistic, not one-dimensional. It's just that rational detachment automatically is used to boxing up the emotional content of things (except as factual indicators of someone's mood) and setting them to the side, in the attempt to be "objective."

    I ended up keeping everything to myself, and felt like I was only there for them, and not myself, basically, just along for the ride. ( this is when I was still really young, inexperienced, and had a hard time being myself)
    Yes... "self needs" are illegitimate, plus I should be able to buckle down and deal with it alone, myself, rather than dragging someone else into my mess. It seems that embracing a relationship and embracing self means also accepting that the self has needs and that the commitment itself means something in terms of responsibility to each other. There's accepted reciprocity there. But that doesn't sit well with an autonomous spirit; I still don't quite get it.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #33
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I think relationships are always hard, for everyone. But yes, it did take me 33 years to maintain a level of interest beyond a few weeks. And it was with another NT.
    Change it to 29 and sameys! *hi-five for INTP boys*

  4. #34
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    In some ways they're harder because we're less relationship-focused, in others easier, for the same reason - we don't obsess over them as some women do.
    I've never felt I needed to be in one to feel complete, but I recognise the benefits at the same time.
    I think I'm hard to be in a relationship with. Very hard. I'm hard-wired for independence and self-sufficiency. I need A LOT of space or I feel smothered and panicky. I know my own worth and I'm pretty uncompromising. I seldom meet anyone I'm interested in.

    Second all of that.

    Sometimes relationships feel more like charity than something mutually beneficial.
    Every bit of this.
    Something Witty

  5. #35
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salt n' pepper View Post
    no it's not. fuck'em!

    funny though, INTPs are low maintenance, but I've never worked so hard for a relationship in my life!
    You are telling the TRUTH!! INTPs are ftw, but we both have our set processes and we are both total slackers in the physical realm - so we have to work extra hard to even remember that the other person exists sometimes. We love our individual solitude, and neither one of us wants to have to be the one to cook dinner or clean the bathroom if we are both researching things. There is usually a battle of wills and a kind of competition about whose work is most important in that moment. It's kinda cute. We order a lot of pizza.

    "Give me five more minutes" is a common phrase in my house that roughly translates to "I'll be right with you in about 2 hours, or so".

    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Change it to 29 and sameys! *hi-five for INTP boys*
    Yay! Details please...

    And +1000 to everything MLF and Jennifer said. They know of what they speak.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katsuni View Post
    GETTING a relationship isn't hard... keeping one once they learn about me is a bit more difficult. So far my record is about 3 years.

    Seems after about that long, people just get fed up with me and give up.

    Kinda sucks sadly... but maybe the current one will last longer, it's gone through a few rough sections already and already managed to pass them in one piece. Or well, it's more like several pieces and then like T1000 and blooooobs back together :O

    >.>

    It's a valid analogy >=O

    But yeah, when yeu give off a certain appeal, it's easy to reel in relationships. The problem just becomes that, once they get to know yeu, they realize that yeu're more than they can handle and they just give up rather than fight for something worth keeping.

    Relationships aren't easy... they're alot of work to maintain. And I don't mean jewelery and gifts and crap either, but understanding, being there for the other through rough times in their life, and stuff like that, which's not easy to do, and most people seem to break down rather than fight for the one they care for.

    I'll give my all to help them through their dark moments, no matter how it hurts, I'd just like to see a little reciprocation at times...

    That and I get more than a little irritated at the whole "Oh... yeu mean I have to actually TALK with yeu? And DO stuff with yeu? WTH yeu're supposed to be a trophy wife who sits still and shuts up!" mentality many seem to have >.<

    I dated a female entp and i can tell you, (though this may be only in my case) that the reason that it was so frustrating for me was not that i couldn't handle her and thus didn't want to fight to hold on, (we were a total intellectual match, thats what i found most appealing about her actually), its more that her disatatchment and fear of getting to close was hard to live with. I think saying that its because people cant handle you guys is a very entp way of understanding it and possibly pretty innaccurate.

  7. #37
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emectar View Post
    I dated a female entp and i can tell you, (though this may be only in my case) that the reason that it was so frustrating for me was not that i couldn't handle her and thus didn't want to fight to hold on, (we were a total intellectual match, thats what i found most appealing about her actually), its more that her disatatchment and fear of getting to close was hard to live with. I think saying that its because people cant handle you guys is a very entp way of understanding it and possibly pretty innaccurate.
    Hahaha, and I find that people tend to say we have problems getting close when really we just have problems being close to them. Especially with ENFPs where thisclose is still not close enough and I'm wondering what is left for me to give... my blood? My issue in dating, especially feelers, is that it feels like I am shoveling more and more into a bottomless pit and I take a step back and look at my life and realize that I can't possibly keep this up for ever. It's just too much sometimes. It just feels that it's never enough.

    And what Katsuni said has some truth to it. I feel like people give up on me a lot quicker than I would give up on them. If I come to someone with a problem, it's dismissed pretty quickly because I don't "seem like the type that needs any help with anything". I've heard that more often than I can count. But I feel like everyone turns to me with their problems because I offer very good and unbiased solutions.

    I cried once in front of someone I thought I was very close to (an ENFP actually). She just sat there stunned and now reminisces constantly (with glee, in front of people) about that really rough time in my life because she never imagined someone as strong as me would ever cry. And that she is so happy that she was the one that saw it because that means that I think of her as a close friend. Wtf? She seriously gets happy talking about it and she wonders why I've slowly been pulling away from her. Wtf? She thinks it's just me putting walls up again. And she's right.

  8. #38
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Hahaha, and I find that people tend to say we have problems getting close when really we just have problems being close to them.
    Exactly. I'm happy to be open with anyone but it's not going to just happen because they want it. Even without meaning to I'm constantly throwing out tests to those I'm close to so I understand what's acceptable and what's not by their reactions, very few people are able to understand my inner workings so to speak, or be on a similar wave length and therefore understand what kind of response I'm looking for. It's a kind of connection that can't be forced, either things click or they don't, and if they don't as much as I can want to let someone in I'll always be holding back as I don't trust their reactions. People often come into my life and believe we're close or something, their incorrect perception isn't my concern. Plus everything Morgan said.


    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Yay! Details please...
    Everything above; easy with my INTP. We're on the same wavelength without having to articulate anything. There are certainly gaps due to having similarities in personality but the similarities also make understanding easy.

  9. #39
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Hahaha, and I find that people tend to say we have problems getting close when really we just have problems being close to them. Especially with ENFPs where thisclose is still not close enough and I'm wondering what is left for me to give... my blood?
    LOL. No, just your soul.
    it feels like I am shoveling more and more into a bottomless pit and I take a step back and look at my life and realize that I can't possibly keep this up for ever. It's just too much sometimes. It just feels that it's never enough.
    That's when I cut off.
    If I come to someone with a problem, it's dismissed pretty quickly because I don't "seem like the type that needs any help with anything". I've heard that more often than I can count. But I feel like everyone turns to me with their problems because I offer very good and unbiased solutions.
    I don't even ask for help anymore. And it pisses me off when people ask me to do stuff that I know they are perfectly capable of doing themselves. I don't know what it is that I do that turns them into helpless incompetents. That shit is annoying!
    I cried once in front of someone I thought I was very close to (an ENFP actually). She just sat there stunned and now reminisces constantly (with glee, in front of people) about that really rough time in my life because she never imagined someone as strong as me would ever cry. And that she is so happy that she was the one that saw it because that means that I think of her as a close friend. Wtf? She seriously gets happy talking about it and she wonders why I've slowly been pulling away from her. Wtf? She thinks it's just me putting walls up again. And she's right.
    Maybe she's just relieved to find out you're actually human? She sounds like an insensitive ass though.

    I think part of the problem is that people don't realize that the notion of "having a good cry" is completely alien to the NT. It's not a bonding exercise. Being that vulnerable is no fun. If things get bad enough to warrant crying in front of someone else, it's probably some pretty devastatingly serious shit. Mockery is a REALLY bad move. Unless you want to find out how quickly sadness can turn into anger.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  10. #40
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Totally agree with jeno and Morgan. If I cry in front of you, you better understand that I don't want that broadcast, I don't want it brought back up to me again, and I don't want you to be thinking about how awesome it is for YOU the whole time.
    Something Witty

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